NOOOOOooooooooooooo! In what has to be the shortest "season" in television history, this season of Duck Dynasty ended last night in an hour of awesomeness…Hawaiian style. Willie, Si, Jase, and Phil treat their family to a much needed island vacay, and, as always, hilarity ensues. I'm going to miss the Robertson group. Thank goodness for re-runs!
Si makes the mistake of going to see the movie Ted, and he's scarred for life. What's next? Care Bear gangs? Paddington Bear doing drugs? Pooh holding Piglet hostage? Oh, the humanity. As he shares his cinematic mishap with Jase, he's upset to learn from Jep that Willie now expects them all to work standing up in the warehouse. Willie has installed a bunch of desks that move upwards on hydraulic lifts. When Jase confronts his brother for his new productivity initiative, he explains to Willie that they need to quit working so hard and take a day–or six–off from the daily grind.
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At Phil and Kay's house, Jase shares with the ladies that "the beard is the piggy bank of human anatomy." Forget about Just For Men, Si colors his facial hair with barbeque sauce. Willie has called his family together for a big surprise. Surprisingly, his Hawaiian shirt doesn't give it away. Each family member opens a similar shirt, and Jase is convinced that his brother is the worst gift giver ever. Korie reveals that the shirts are a clue as to what they would wear on a trip. Phil deadpans, "The Netherlands?" and when he learns the real destination, he states that he doesn't do beaches. Of course, the rest of the family is very stoked at this turn of events. I want to go!
In Waikiki, the entire crew is getting their luggage at the airport, and Si is thrilled that his jug of tea made it safely. Sorry, A&E. I know the show is scripted, but let's at least try to play along, shall we? You can't even get a tiny bottle of hand sanitizer on a plane these days…there is no way Si's tea make the trek through airport security! Unfortunately for Willie, his suitcases didn't make it to the islands. John Luke agrees with his Uncle Jase that Willie's luggage got lost thanks to karma—he had planned to do work while in paradise. Who does that?
After a relaxing boat ride, the family is met with leis at their swanky hotel. As the greeters wish Si "Aloha," he responds, "Hola to you too, Senorita." He's trying to learn the language of the native culture. Bless him. There is another snafu in the lobby when Willie learns that all of the rooms are ready but Si's. His will be ready the following day, so Korie volunteers to let him stay with her and Willie. Willie is less than amused as Si talks ad nauseam about touring Mayan ruins. As everyone attempts to get settled, Willie touts that Si could be a great spokesperson for a urinary tract drug…and he does a fabulous infomercial for said medication.
Kay is thrilled with their lodgings, and she's all "look at this, and look at that!" It's the couples first vacation together (they were too poor for a honeymoon), and Phil can't wait to test out the bed. When Kay seems disinterested, Phil turns his attention to the Jason Bourne movies on the hotel movie network. He thinks Jason Bourne is the ultimate redneck. The rest of the Robertson crew convenes at the pool, and Si arrives in his finest Hawaiian attire. Jase teases him about looking like Magnum P.I., but Si corrects his nephew…he's Magnum P.Si. Love! Willie, sans luggage, shows up in his new sarong from the gift shop and shares his itinerary with the family. No one is impressed. Willie is excited that he's able to convince Jase and Si to join him at a surfing lesson.
The guys have recruited some of the teens to join them, and Willie and Si are beyond ecstatic to get to channel their inner Johnny Utah. If I didn't already love these folks to death, I'd be smitten after hearing Willie and Si quote Point Break. "I. Am an FBI…agent!" Yes, I own the movie on both VHS and DVD. I'm not ashamed. John Luke quickly leads the teen boys in a retreat to go meet some girls. One of Willie's daughters (who has never been seen on the show before) excels at surfing, so her father wants to prove that she came by the talent from him. Not so much. Si's up next, and he's no stranger to surfing…after all, he was in 'Nam.
The next morning, Si isn't digging on the pancakes at the breakfast buffet. Willie's baggage is still MIA. Also MIA (still) are Phil and Kay who continue to lounge in their suite. Missy reveals that the wives plan to have a spa day, but Willie is able to pique Jase's interest by telling him that the day's activities are in the jungle and considered high risk. The sight of Jase, Willie, Si, and Jep on segways with helmets may replace Real Housewives of Beverly Hills' Ken Todd and Mauricio Umansky's Parisian tour as my favorite reality segway moment EVER. Who knew that was even a thing?
Jase is less than pumped about his brother's idea of adventure, but Jep is quite content rolling around and singing Guns-N-Roses. Si feel as if he's riding a motorized chariot. Jase tries to combat his boredom by playing chicken on the segways, and I am dying laughing as the guys literally crash and burn.
Phil feels outside of his comfort zone as the yuppies frolic to and fro–even though he's yet to leave his room. Kay is happy to accept an invitation from Korie to join the ladies at the spa…and she plans to have Phil in tow. Meanwhile, the boys are
four two-wheeling on segways through the jungle, and things are starting to look up for the crew. Jase dares his brother to join him as he jumps in the river. Jep and Si follow suit, and Willie begrudgingly joins them.
I'd venture a guess that this is Phil's first massage. Kay chastises her husband for sharing too much information about his prostate with the poor girl massaging him. I hope she gets an extra big tip. As much as he doesn't want to enjoy it, Phil is happy, happy, happy with the turn of events. He is beyond precious. The boys make it to the beach, and Si believes they've found his much touted Mayan ruins. Jase convinces Jep to jump off the "ruins" with him, and after much prodding, Willie finally buckles to the peer pressure. Vaya con dios, brah! Please excuse my next inappropriate comment, but Jase has some major washboard abs. Lookin' good! Missy is one lucky lady.
As the finale draws to a close, the family hulas and feasts on a luau as Phil prays. I adore this family.
TELL US-WHAT DID YOU THINK OF THE FINALE? ARE YOU AS SAD AS I AM THAT THE SEASON IS OVER?
[Photo Credit: A&E]