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Real Housewives Of Beverly In France

Last night the Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills traveled to France to visit glorious Provence. Of course these women couldn’t just enjoy the sites and each other’s company, and a new Lisa was thrown under the Peugeot wheels!

Here we are at the Chateau Ventoux, which according to Lisa Rinna is “like Downton France Abbey” except in France an Abbey is a nunnery, so LOL. (If I’m wrong here don’t bother correcting me because I like my joke). The rooms are all beautiful. The surroundings are lush. And unlike when PK smothers her with potato chip crumbs and calls it a blanket, Dorit Kemsley feels like a princess. A real live European princess, who any moment will be woken from this nightmare by a prince who doesn’t have financial problems and will carpet their castle in athleisure wear made by Givenchy and Beverly Reach. Life, really will have purpose for this girl from London, Connecticut. 

Lisa Vanderpump Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills - Lisa Vanderpump

After much speculation, and what seems like a million discussions about “puppy gate,” Lisa Vanderpump made it official and quit the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. She didn’t even attend the reunion, depriving her former friends  enemies the chance to attack again on camera. Still, I would have liked to see a calm, cool, and collected LVP at the reunion, chilling on a couch next to Lucy Lucy Apple Juice.

If we have learned anything from ‘puppy gate,” it is that no one should adopt a dog and ignore what the rules are in the adoption contract. Dorit Kemsley didn’t return Lucy, she instead allegedly re-homed dropped Lucy at a shelter. Most of the drama from this season resulted from this act. Who leaked the story about Dorit and Lucy to the tabloids? Of course, most of the RHOBH Housewives believed it was Lisa, even though she passed a lie detector test. Was Lisa using Teddi Mellencamp Arroyave to spread the story about Dorit? Teddi, you may have heard, specializes in accountability. Sometimes.

Kathy Hilton Is Reportedly In Talks To Replace Lisa Vanderpump On RHOBH

The times are certainly changing on Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. Lisa Vanderpump quit the show and skipped the reunion. The “puppy gate” scandal spelled the death knell of the longtime friendship between Kyle Richards and Lisa. In case you have been living under a rock, here is a quick update. Dorit Kemsley adopted a dog from Vanderpump Dogs, and the dog nipped her husband PK Kemsley and their children. Rather than return the puppy like she was required to in the  adoption contract, Dorit re-homed poor Lucy Lucy Apple Juice. Lucy eventually wound up in a kill shelter. Perhaps Dorit should have re-homed PK instead?

When an article about Dorit’s actions hits the tabloids, Lisa was blamed for leaking the story. Kyle went to Villa Rosa to tell Lisa that all the Beverly Hills Housewives believed that Lisa leaked the story and that she is a liar. The terrible argument between Lisa, Kyle, and Lisa’s husband Ken Todd resulted in Kyle being banned from Villa Rosa. “Goodbye Kyle!” Ken bellowed as Kyle was told to leave the premises. She is lucky that Hanky and Panky didn’t try to avenge their owner.

Lisa Vanderpump

It looks like it is the end of the road for Lisa Vanderpump on Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. The “OG” Housewife had a chaotic season. She was heartbroken and mourning the death of her brother. The tale (pun intended) of Lucy Lucy Apple Juice has been dubbed “puppy gate.” In a nutshell, Dorit Kemsley and her husband PK Kemsley adopted Lucy from Vanderpump Dogs, and then decided to allegedly re-home her. Lucy ended up in a shelter. According to the adoption contract, Lucy should have been returned to Vanderpump Dogs.

A tabloid published a story about the saga, and most of the other Housewives decided that the person who leaked the story had to be LVP. Teddi Mellencamp Arroyave, Lisa RinnaErika Jayne and Kyle Richards happily sided with Dorit. Teddi even said she was being used by Lisa to leak the details about Dorit and Lucy. You know Teddi. She likes to be accountable while shoving LVP under the bus.

Tom Schwartz

Tom Schwartz is many things, one of the best men to the wedding of the year, defender of enemy number one and wife Katie Maloney, bar owner to one of the hottest new spots with pal Tom Sandoval, Mumu wearer, homeowner, and now he can add hero (depends on your definition of hero).

One smart and some might say ballsy fan sent the reality star a Venmo request for $50 for his/her commute to his bar Tom Tom.

Lisa Vanderpump

Lisa Vanderpump has certainly had an emotional time on Season 9 of Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. She started filming shortly after the death of her brother on April 3, 2018. The biggest scandal of the season, (besides Camille Grammer’s graphic sex talk) is “puppy gate.” And it will never end is still going strong. If only Dorit Kemsley and her husband PK Kemsley had properly returned the pup, dubbed Lucy Lucy Apple Juice, to the Vanderpump Dog Foundation. Instead they allegedly re-homed Lucy, and somehow Lucy ended up in a kill shelter. Teddi Mellencamp Arroyave claimed that she was manipulated into leaking information about Dorit but couldn’t do it. Yawn.

The fall-out from “puppy gate” was swift. Kyle Richards accused long-time friend Lisa of leaking the story about Dorit to the tabloids. Lisa swore that she didn’t. In what was one of the most uncomfortable confrontations from any Housewives franchise, Lisa and her husband Ken Todd, banished Kyle from Villa Rosa. No more little ponies or swans for you, Kyle!

Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills Halloween

Leave it to the Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills to drag out a fight from two years ago, along with a ghost of Housewives past to celebrate Halloween, and also because well, without Lisa Vanderpump what else do they have to talk about? I mean they have stuff to talk about, they just won’t.

It’s the final morning in Hawaii, the day after Camille Grammer tied the knot a second time, and finally, at long last, we get our first sighting of The Agency apparel. I’ve been waiting all of the Hawaii trip – looking for swim trunks, hats, custom-ordered shot glasses, a bridesmaids gown… and on the last breakfast Mauricio Umansky finally just shows up to brunch wearing an Agency t-shirt. 

Kyle Richards

Congratulations Camille Grammer – you’ve officially broken free of Kelsey and restarted your life with a new man by getting married on last night’s Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills. Gorgeous wedding! Too bad you dragged your way back Kelsey personality along with you for the ride in the clown car to David C. Meyer.

Oh, a lie detector test. Is that what we’re doing now instead of printing out 99 point font textestessss to prove our innocence? I feel like I need to write this portion of the recap in Comic Sans font, because surely this must be some British Humor! Now I’m still team Lisa Vanderpump, but lady – I cannot sit back and allow John Sessa to carry the Pom-Shield and become the defacto Kyle Richards: professional sidekick, stand-in kitchen remodel viewer, and mouthpiece of menace. John Sessa (and his barely buttoned shirt) needs to stick to training puppies to bite PK and leave the Housewives stuff to the big dogs.