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Real Housewives of New Jersey's Teresa Giudice is a lot of things…she's a wife, a mother, a daughter, a sister (well, some days), a best selling cookbook author, a fashionista, and cocktail maven.  But I bet you didn't know she's a comedienne as well!

In her Bravo blog posted today, Teresa discusses how difficult it is to have her entire family turn against her, but in doing so, she makes a hilarious play on Fifty Shades of Grey all while doing what she does best (and I'm not being sarcastic here, for once)–self promotion!  The woman can hock her wares like no other, and I wish I had her gumption (although that's about all I'd wish to have from Tre).

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After proving last week that she does, in fact, write her own blogs with the pain-staking, one-fingered "hunt and peck" method, Teresa informs fans, "I'm thinking of writing a new book about my life (since apparently writing four cookbooks doesn't count…). I'm going to call it 50 Shades of Black & Blue," explaining, "In it, my own family members and friends I've had for 10 years turn on me. They hate me and hate on me like it's their full time job. They sit around every day talking about me non-stop, even when I'm not there. They talk and talk and talk some more about how obsessed I am with them. They bang their hands and wave napkins and cackle about how crazy I am."  

Touching on her non-existent part in the Melissa Gorga infidelity rumors, Teresa shares, "Meanwhile across town, people with cute 1950s names — Penny, Jan — that own salons come up to me saying they want to carry Milania Hair Care. Of course, I listen. Then they start talking trash about my sister-in-law. Of course, I stop listening. I get up and leave. Doesn't matter though, because I am invisible now."

She adds, "My family hears about the rumors and blames me. I am to blame for everything: when their ex-bosses and ex-boyfriends talk about them, when their friends stop liking them, when their house and records and books don't sell. It is all my fault. Along with eclipses and the economy…It does hurt that my family always assumes the worst of me. It hurts when they call me names. It hurts when I see tabloids with the 'inside scoop' on my parents, my in-laws, and my marriage. But what can I do? Nothing because it's only fiction. Right?"

Should we add violin playing to Teresa's growing list of talents?  She concludes her blog as any amazing salesperson would, by cutting away from the drama and focusing on the fun that already exists in the form of her cookbooks, which she reminds us are all still for sale.  

Teresa writes, "All of my books are fun actually. When I first did Skinny Italian I wanted to make sure it was more than just recipes, that it was full of stories and food facts and history too. My favorite thing is when people come up to me and tell me they read my books cover to cover. I tell about how Joe and I met (when I was a baby!), how we've stayed married 13 years (lots of sex, lots of good homemade food!), how I learned to cook, my kitchen explosions, how I got my name, which pasta was known for strangling priests, how my parents and in-laws met in Italy. I tell you which foods you can (and can't!) use in the bathtub, which food will put you in the mood (watermelon is like the Viagra of fruit! I give a recipe for Watermelon Granita in Fabulicious: On the Grill. You're welcome.), and Joe chimes in with his own "Juciy Bits from Joe" about making wine and what "Manzo" really means."

Personally, I would have expected more playing the victim and less cookbook chatter.  However, I am very surprised at how little of the explosive episode she did address…thoughts?

TELL US-WHAT DID YOU THINK OF THE EPISODE?  COMMENTS ON TERESA'S BLOG POST? 

[Photo Credit: Bravo]

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