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I'm so tired of Real Housewives of New Jersey making promises it just can't keep. Kind of like writing checks your mouth (or your husband!) can't cash… right Teresa Giudice?!

In the latest installment of the feud that just goes and on and on my friend (this is the feud that never ends), Teresa blogs about how the retreat went from bad to worse and then maybe better? Baby steps, baby steps, baby steps… 

"There are no words. No words. I wouldn’t wish this situation on my worst enemy," Teresa begins.

"This was not a fun episode to watch mostly because I was hearing the things my family was saying about me behind my back for the first time,"  Teresa continues. "Richie, really? Melissa [Gorga], really? This is how you talk behind closed doors? You see how me and my husband talk. No bashing. Never have."

CLICK CONTINUE READING FOR MORE! 

Well… Teresa that is not entirely true. We've heard you bash Melissa plenty of times behind closed doors. Didn't Juicy call her names a bunch of times as well. Let's just admit that you're both about even in the bashing department – behind each other's backs and to each other's surgically enhanced bubbie fronts! 

Teresa also has selective memory in the attacking people face-to-face (or weave to weave) department! "In five seasons, no matter how much people have tried to get a rise out of me, I have never ever laid a hand on someone," Teresa insists. (AHEM… ANDY COHEN!… ring a bell?! Reunion S2?!).

"Melissa, not so much. First her own son’s Christening it looked like she was kicking people, then she goes after her brother-in-law, and I didn’t even see until I watched the episode that it looked like she wanted to charge me when I was leaving," Teresa says. (AHEM… DANIELLE STAUB…. Posche Fashion Show S2… chased her down, screaming insults! Ring a bell?!)

"And I’m the animal? OK," Teresa wonders. Um… you're both animals, my pretties. And your little husbands too! 

Regardless of the fact that Teresa vividly remembers every horrible slight from Melissa, she says it's all irrelevant because it's Poison Gorga's words that truly hurt. That, I'll believe! 

"We grew up in such a house of love with the utmost respect for each other. He never called me names," Teresa says. "And suddenly now he calls me these terrible things in front of the whole country. It’s confusing and hurtful and it breaks my heart. But still, I can’t hate him."

"I’ve never hated him. I don’t know why he has so much hate inside him," Teresa continues. "My husband isn’t full of hate like that. Maybe Joey and Melissa need to drink Fabellini more often. I don’t know."

"I can’t wait to hear what the secrets to her hot and happy marriage are when her husband is running around this angry attacking people all the time… He’s either angry or he’s crying… Will there be a chapter on what to do when your husband cries in bed? How can you see your husband hurting like that and not want to fix it?"

Good points! But, oh dear… well, I guess Melissa started it by attacking Teresa's books as not real books and her products as cheesy and pathetic. 

"I had no idea that Melissa felt so strongly about my cookbooks and my products. I guess that explains why she never publicly supported me even though I supported her," Teresa laments. "I do them because food is what I know best and it makes me happy."

"It’s sad that she feels the need to belittle me for doing what makes me happy and trying to make a better life for myself and my family," Teresa adds. 

And since we're continuing with this tit-for-tat thing, let's get into the fight! "Of course I did not want to see my brother and my husband fight," Teresa explains. "Once my brother started calling me names, I went to get Joe to leave. Not so that Joe would do something."

"Melissa seems to forget she called Joey last year at the fashion show for exactly that reason, so he would come and fight," Teresa reminds us. "I didn’t want it then, and I didn’t want it now. I just wanted to leave. I was done." 

And Teresa insists Juicy wouldn't hurt a fly (except for himself!). "I was very proud that my Joe walked in the room and asked for an apology. He didn’t call anyone names," Teresa recalls. "As soon as Joey charged him, Joe was figuring out the safest way to hold Joey off. If there was ever a 'safe' fight for my brother to be in, it’s with my husband. He would never hurt my brother. Joey knows that and Melissa knows it too."

"Why she [Melissa] was acting all hysterical was insane to me," says Mrs. "CALL THE POLICE!!!" Giudice. "When he’s being an idiot with my husband, you can let them be." Teresa then shares with us her incredible prowess as a fight breaker-upper. It didn't take security (though she called them) only the shrill shrieks of Teresa! 

"I can’t wait to see how Melissa will spin this. Here’s a free hint: it’s all my fault," Teresa concludes. 

Next week the therapy with Dr. V continues and the spouses get involved to muck everything back up. Well, we've been promised positivity and so far that's not happening. Should we continue to hold out hope for RHONJ or is it time to throw in the towel? It's probably covered with black hair in a can, anyway… 

[Photo Credit: BravoTV.com]

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