Last night's Real Housewives of New Jersey was all very…orange. From Caroline Manzo's hair as she bossed around her family and tried broker a treaty between Jacqueline Laurita and Teresa Giudice to Joe Gorga's billboard extravaganza, orange was definitely the color scheme. Thankfully, it's a color I like. What I don't like is all the underhanded quips and lack of accountability, but I've learned that behavior is par for the course with this crowd!
Melissa Gorga takes her boys to visit Joe at the job site and he gets a call asking him to model on a tanning salon billboard. Mel doesn't want to join him in his highway advertising debut because Tre once did a commercial for the same salon. What a throwback! Melissa doesn't want Teresa to assume she's copying her yet again. She's content just to drive the bulldozer. All of the bouncing and shrieking and "make it stop" is probably something Joe is used to hearing in the bedroom.
Teresa is hosting the first family dinner in ages. She has her girls help her prepare the table, and they are excited to see their cousins. Teresa asks the always entertaining Melania if she plans to cook for her husband when she grows up. Um no. Melania's husband will definitely be cooking for her.
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Melissa goes to visit with Jacq and Caroline, and the women are filling in Jacqueline on the retreat. Melissa sounds very high pitched as she chatters on about forgiveness and family dinners. I'm surprised my dog isn't howling. Caroline tells Jacq that she made Teresa promise to reach out to her former friend. She believes that her sister-in-law needs closure, but Caroline is concerned that Jacq is a ticking time bomb. Melissa hopes that everyone can get along, but Jacq is only promising to get to a place of civility.
The Gorgas arrive at the Giuduce McMansion, and the kids are over the moon to see each other. It's evident how excited G-to-the-ia is to see her godfather Uncle Poison. The cousins are having a blast being reunited, but passive aggressiveness abounds with the adults. Melissa reminds Teresa that if she "keeps being a good little girl" they can enjoy family time together. If looks could kill, Melissa would be dead, but Tre vows to keep her mouth shut and let things roll off her back. Poison reveals that he's scored the tanning billboard. He's hoping his sister will be proud of him and not think he's trying to copy her.
Teresa is spreading the love with toasts to the family gathering. Getting her merlot on, Melissa spills that she visited Jacqueline, and Jacq is now aware of Teresa's promise to Caroline. Teresa remains calm (but goodness, doesn't she have a poker face, does she?) and starts talking about how Jacqueline gets to her dark place and tries to take down those around her. Tre cites her fallout with Dina and the situation with Danielle Staub. She feels like she is Jacq's third victim. I love seeing Teresa act like she feels badly for the woman she called a "prostitution whore." Juicy basically tell his wife to STFU because he is tired of hearing about it. I can't say I blame him. Can you imagine how much she probably drones on about it when the cameras aren't rolling? Jacqueline too. Joe and Chris must be totally exhausted by their feud.
Albie and Chris are excited to open up Little Town, but there is a lot of work to do before they can start making money. The boys believe that their father will be their number one customer. They joke about stealing the wait staff from the Brownstone. The brothers agree that it would be more like freeing their father's employees from under his thumb.
Kathy Wakile is chatting with sister Rosie. She hopes that Rosie knows she has no problem with her sexuality. Rosie realizes that her sister is supportive, but it hurt her when Kathy didn't approve of her former girlfriend. Rosie just wants to find love. Don't we all!
Lauren, Albie, and Chris come visit their parents at the Hoboken apartment. Albie is telling his parents about how difficult it is to run BLK while stressing about the restaurant. Chris doesn't understand his brother's concern…they are dong the same things, and he's not worried in the least that they will accomplish their goals. Caroline begins to lecture Albie about not working so hard which leads big Albert to blow up about how her nagging reminds him of back when he was young and ambitious. He storms off from the dinner table. Awkward! (Especially since he doesn't really have a place to go so he's still sitting in the vicinity of his family.)
It's time for a dueling Gorga photo shoot! Getting her face on for her book cover shoot, Melissa wants to look fresh and sexy. The girl from the publishing company is visibly disturbed by Melissa's need for a stronger fan. Meanwhile, Joe is looking extremely orange while bench pressing a Melissa clone over his head. This is priceless.
Shopping with C.J., Jacqueline receives a phone call from her "favorite friend" Teresa. The women have a strained by civil conversation about how they don't want to be friends, but they want to let go of the hatred. Jacq invites Teresa and Joe over to hash out things with her and Chris. However, Teresa was ambushed the last time she went to Jacq's house (she's good at letting things go, isn't she?), so she'd prefer to meet at a neutral spot. Totes understandable with this crowd!
Wanting to be supportive of her sister, Kathy decides to wrangle a group to go with Rosie to a gay bar in an attempt to get some play. Throughout the scene, Rich is saying inappropriate things, Melissa is freaking out about cavorting with swingers, and Poison is skeeving out young bisexuals. Rosie may not be DTF, but she'd like to test the waters a little bit. Rich finds her a nice, age-appropriate lesbian, and a tequila swilling Rosie starts talking her ears off. She's got game!
Albie shares his concern about his parents' marriage. He questions whether they actually know one another or if they have hobbies together. In his eyes, his mom and dad see each other so rarely they can't have a good relationship. Caroline assures Albie that they still like each other, but she is quick to say in her interview that her marriage is none of her son's business. Caroline tells Albie that he knows his parents relationship in terms of "mom and dad" but he is clueless when it comes to knowing about the relationship between "Caroline and Albert."
We're treated to a mini-scene of the drunken crew leaving the gay bar. Melissa raps (please make it stop!) about Rosie searching for pootang, Rich being a bitch, and her husband's stripper past and big peen. Thanks, Bravo. I feel like I've been scarred.
Caroline goes to see her brother and sister-in-law, and Jacqueline is getting advice on how to face her sit-down with Teresa. Reminding Jacq that they don't have to be biffles, Caroline just urges her to be respectful. Jacqueline is sick and tired of Teresa deflecting all her issues onto other people and never taking accountability for when she does or says something wrong. She warns that if Teresa comes at her with a knife and some lies, she'll retaliate with a cannon full of truths. Do what? Here's hoping wherever these two wackadoos meet has major disaster insurance!
Poor Joe is taking his brood to the mall, and he's a little concerned with how much make-up Gia is sporting. I'm a little concerned that Juicy is driving. Is he basically just laughing in the face of the law now? Just so we don't forget she's a preteen who is totally over family situations, Gia yells at her mom and sisters when they tease her about her full lips and kissing boys. Joe is dropping the f-bomb left and right when Teresa suggests that he make peace with Chris. The only thing that distracts him is seeing Poison's tanning billboard. Oh wow. Teresa muses that the tanning salon must want to keep things in the family. After all, she shot a commercial for them first. Is she kidding me? Also doing a slow drive-by of the sign is the Gorga family. Joe beams with pride about how lucky the tanning salon is to have his amazing endorsement. Son Gino reminds his father that "it's only a billboard." Amen, Gino. Amen.
Jacqueline and Chris are waiting on Joe and Teresa, and once they arrive air-kisses and handshakes abound. The men head to the cigar bar while Teresa and Jacq go to their own private room. Jacq compliments Teresa on her shirt and Tre, in turn, reminds Jacqueline that she is responsible for the rift between her and her brother. Jacq is floored and Teresa demands an apology for accusing Joe of cheating. Downstairs, Chris and Joe clink glasses and pretty much silently agree to let bygones be bygones. Mars and Venus, don't you know! The women are calmly and passive aggressively taking shots at one another. When Jacq wonders if Tre has sociopathic tendencies, Tre muses about being in the presence of evil. The men laugh about how funny it would be if their wives were upstairs pulling out each other's hair while they smoke cigars. Jacqueline tries to explain that both women said and did hurtful things and hit below the belt. Teresa is on the defensive wondering what she could have ever done to hurt Jacqueline.
Next week, the Gorga and Giudice families are enjoying some fun times together when one of the Giudice daughters starts playing on a pole and pretending to be Melissa. Ashlee and Jacqueline's relationship is much better, while Gia calls out her uncle's behavior with her mom.
TELL US-WHAT DID YOU THINK OF LAST NIGHT'S EPISODE? WILL TERESA AND JACQ EVER BE ABLE TO MOVE PAST THEIR ISSUES? I'M NOT HOLDING MY BREATH!
[Photo Credit: Bravo]