RHONJ Recap

I can’t believe we’ve come to the end of this season of Real Housewives of New Jersey. It seems like it has gone by so quickly, but in some ways, it’s been quite a long, drama-fueled road that culminated in the ladies seeing red at Jennifer Aydin’s anniversary party celebrating sixteen years with Dr. Poolhouse. Teresa Giudice and Danielle Staub are perusing scarlet ball gowns while discussing Margaret Joseph’s gala. Danielle gets in a requisite amount of digs while questioning whether she’ll be well received at the party. Teresa reveals that she doesn’t have an issue with Margaret and sees no reason not to be her friend. Danielle bristles, questioning whether Teresa will have her back if someone comes for her at the event. Of course, Tre is nothing if not loyal. It was hard to even type that with a straight face!

Jackie Goldschneider takes her mother for a makeover, but her mom explains that her physical appearance has never had an impact on her self-esteem. Jackie believes her mother has felt she had to be frumpy to be taken seriously as a business woman. She compares that fear of finding beauty with her reconciliation with her sister after a fifteen year estrangement. I’m not sure what one has to do with the other, but her mother’s hair and make-up looks nice.

Had you been waiting with bated breath like me for last night’s episode of Real Housewives of New Jersey? All week I pondered who would prevail in the battle of Envy by Melissa Gorga and Jennifer Aydin’s tacky Chanel. Frankly, I wouldn’t put my money on either of them to throw down after Margaret Josephs doused Danielle Staub with Dolores Catania’s wine, but crazier things have happened in Cabo! Also, I appreciate the RHONJ’s producers for giving us a “to be continued” episode last week. What’s that old saying? People in garish houses shouldn’t throw glass? Jennifer gets in Melissa’s face, and Melissa quickly retreats. Dolores steps in to intimidate Jennifer, and Danielle intervenes. No matter how much Danielle hates Dolores, she respects her ability to beat Jennifer’s monkey’s ass lip liner.

Dolores takes a walk to cool off. Margaret confides in Jackie Goldschneider about how disappointed she is in Teresa Giudice’s behavior. She thought they were friends. Why is Teresa condoning Danielle (and subsequently Jennifer’s) abhorrent behavior? Teresa chases down Melissa who is disgusted by her sister-in-law’s loyalty. Dolores approaches to second Melissa’s assertions. Tre is peeved by their statements while Melissa and Dolores find Jackie and Margaret to share what escalated. At the bar, Teresa, Jennifer, and Danielle defend their actions. At least Teresa tries to show Jennifer the error of her ways…sort of.

We know we’re over the work week hump when we get another episode of the Real Housewives of New Jersey! Fresh off placing third in a body-building competition, Teresa Giudice wants to celebrate her feat with some tequila and a girls’ trip. And what better place for tequila and drama than an all expenses paid (by Bravo) getaway to Mexico?

Seriously, what could go wrong? (Ask any of the RHOC ladies…) Unfortunately for Margaret Josephs, she has managed to parlay her feud with Danielle Staub into a threesome of threats with Danielle’s new bestie Jennifer Aydin thanks in big part to necklace-gate. After one too many heated dinners, she even memorializes the demise of her friendships with a toast–right into Danielle’s face. It’s this season’s birthday cake…or table. Take your pick! Oh, and did I mention the camels? The exotic creatures are right at home hanging out with a monkey’s a$$hole.

A very huge thank you to The Marvelous Mrs. Mary for covering the Real Housewives of New Jersey recap last week when I was traveling for my day job. She always calls it like she sees it, and these women require a lot of attention. Finally, Teresa Giudice seems to be getting along with sister-in-law Melissa Gorga and Jackie Goldschneider, the newbie who broke Tre code early on in the season. Jennifer Aydin is still harping on Jackie’s stupid article in the wake of her trip to Turkey. Give it up, already! Does anyone even read this paper they keep mentioning? Sheesh. Even Margaret Josephs has sunk below the fray with her recent comments about Jennifer’s brother’s engagements. Can’t we all just get along? No. I know the answer will always be “no.”

That said, I’d give my eye teeth to watch a Dolores Catania/Danielle Staub smackdown to energize this RHONJ lull! If we can’t have that nugget, I guess I’ll settle for a Marty Caffrey/Joe Benigno Italian grinder seasoned with a Joe Gorga voice of reason. For dessert? A heaping portion of Milania Giudice’s rap debut–mad props to her for having the guts to perform in front of all of those people! I’m full…but these folks are FULL OF IT!