Get the Emmys ready, the crew of Love & Hip Hop Atlanta is all about the heavily scripted drama these days, and it gets more and more obvious each week. Let's get started with the recapped madness, shall we?
Because Mimi Faust cares far too much about her ex's marital status to Joseline Hernandez, Benzino believes the best way to squash their beef is to facilitate a meeting with Mimi, Stevie J., and Dawn. Seriously, how did Dawn land a role on this show? There are so many extras getting screen time this season, it's confusing! Sleazo arrives ready to shut down the Inspector Gadget asses who are hell bent on taking down Hip Hop Weekly. Stevie promises 'Zino that he and Joseline are, in fact, married, but Mimi wants the magazine to print a retraction. Stevie thinks that Mimi must still love him to go to all of this trouble, and he taunts her with his best rat face, saying that he's his own country who doesn't need to follow the laws–or marriage license filings–of the regular folk. He stutters again on his wedding date. So, this is what makes a story line? Geez, Mona. You should've run with the sex tape for a few more episodes!
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Remember when Momma Dee pretended to like Bambi after Bambi suffered a miscarriage? Well, that didn't last long. Dee is all about meeting with Erica P. to find out why Bambi went "Compton on her ass," ruining the prince's birthday. She is determined to restore order to the palace. Dee explains that she understands why Bambi got so upset by Erica's comment. Erica then lays on the flattery in a major way, and Dee is eating it up with a spoon. She tells Lil' Scrappy's mother that Bambi isn't good enough for her boy. Scrappy should have gotten a kitty-fax (I'm using the word that won't get bleeped) on Bambi when they started dating. After all, he wouldn't buy a new ride without getting the Carfax would he? I am sure the folks at Carfax are so pleased by this comparison. Ad campaign courtesy of VH1. Erica ends their meeting by showing Dee sexts that Scrappy sent to her. Who needs boundaries?
Rasheeda and Kirk Frost are doing a photo shoot with their sons for the cover of Sister2Sister Magazine. Her mother Shirleen is in attendance as well, and she still hates Kirk for cheating on her daughter and not letting her kiss her grandbaby on the mouth. Rasheeda and Kirk argue about who would be a better nanny–Shirleen or waitress Jasmine. Kirk gives Rasheeda hell for not wearing her wedding ring. She wonders why she should wear her wedding ring when he's telling every hot young thing that they are separated. He's all eye-rolling and Adam's apple bobbing, and both should reconsider speaking this way to one another in front of their children. Rasheeda wonders why they are pretending to be the Huxtables on the cover of a magazine when they are really just as ratchet as they come.
At a local restaurant, Stevie and Joseline are about to make the other patrons sick with their hand licking and tongue flicking. Stevie had better watch out because if he swallows one of Joseline's pointed, fake nails, he's likely to choke to death. Joseline doesn't want to get sexed up at the table. She'd rather complain about how Tammy Rivera wanted to style her for an upcoming magazine spread. Joseline shows Stevie a photo of her in one of the outfits that Tammy chose for her, and she's upset when he praises it…but not upset enough to refrain from sucking on his tongue. And I just lost my dinner…
Speaking of Tammy, she's sharing the story of Joseline's digs during their recent encounter with fiance Waka Flocka Flame. He reminds her that hos praise rings while real women value morals and relationships. However, he isn't saying Joseline's a ho, he's just speaking generally. Waka just said the most intelligent sentence to be uttered this season–perfectly intelligible, mind you–and HE gets subtitles? No subtitles for Scrappy though? Waka wants Tammy to refrain from getting involved in drama. Look out, Benzino! Waka may be my new favorite.
Mimi and Dawn have decided to stop their marriage license witch hunt. It's boring them. And me too. Dawn offers her services to market Mimi in a positive manner in light of the release of her sex tape. Mimi promises that she will never make another video because she's not a porn star. Famous last words. However, now that the tape is out there and she's signed a contract with Vivid, she needs to control her image. Dawn may be just the gal to help! And at least Mimi can count on Dawn to be loyal and professional even if their business relationship fails…oh, wait. Over breakfast in bed to celebrate her anniversary with Nikko (man, is he creepier than Stevie? I just can't decide), Mimi informs her boyfriend that Dawn has made her feel better about her future and her brand. In fact, Mimi trusts Dawn so much, she wants her to plan an anniversary party for her and Nikko.
Momma Dee is attempting to lead the Bambi/Erica P. peace treaty of 2014. When Bambi dismisses Erica as having no business commenting on her relationship with Scrappy, Erica laughs and then flips the table on her Teresa Giudice style. I didn't see that coming! Erica is a fiesty one, screaming and throwing things, and once again she's carried out of the establishment. Erica is two-for-two as far as scene ejections go. Bambi storms off after feeling ambushed with Dee following on her heels, cussing up a storm. Bambi is crying and screaming as Dee tries to placate her. Bambi tells Momma Dee that she's done with Scrappy after this mess. Dee will not have anyone disrespect her son, and she banishes Bambi from the palace.
At her Hip Hop Weekly photo shoot, Joseline brags about not needing Tammy's styling help. She was able to put together the bunny ears headband and dental floss contraption all by herself, and man does she look classy! Stevie wonders how Mimi found out about the shoot, and Joseline becomes heated, realizing that Tammy was going around telling her business to the most bunk-ass cougars in the ATL. Stevie and 'Zino try to calm Joseline's rage, but what story line does she have if she isn't threatening to beat up Mimi?
Rasheeda's situation with Kirk is making it hard for her to focus on her music. She vents to her best friend Kelenna. One day soon, I am going to stop keeping up with the extra's names. Kelenna suggests a girls' trip so that Kirk can miss Rasheeda and remember why he fell in love with her in the first place. She recommends a bout at Mardi Gras in New Orleans. Rasheeda hopes the time apart will spark a little jealousy in Kirk. I think that Rasheeda's going out of town and giving Kirk the opportunity to do what (and who) he wants while she's gone.
Bambi has requested a sit down with Dee (are they at Peter's bar again?) because she feels very betrayed by Dee. Dee, on the other hand, wants to recite the rules and regulations of the palace. Bambi doesn't need the drama that Scrappy and Dee bring into her life, so off with her head! Meanwhile, Tammy and Joseline are also having a powwow to discuss their issues. The women are talking over each other, and Joseline wants to know what she said that was so shady. It's funny to see Joseline feign innocence. This is why she doesn't have girlfriends. Dear VH1, this is when subtitles would be a benefit, not when Waka is speaking clearly. Joseline storms out of the restaurant while Tammy screams after her about her stripper past. Good times!
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[Photo Credit: VH1]