Opening today’s episode of The Real Housewives of Melbourne is Lydia Schiavello in class at her Interior Design School in Melbourne. I’m already excited because I’ve realized over these past few weeks that Lydia’s footage is priceless. I can’t help but think that she could be the least intelligent of ALL the Housewives franchises, trying to pawn herself off as smart and sophisticated. It’s pure joy at this point listening to the idiotic things that pour out of her mouth. Even Alexis Bellino knew she wasn’t the sharpest tool in the shed.
It’s already terrible as Lydia basically tells the professor how do his job, how he actually admires HER, how “cute” her little classmates are and how she goes on a completely other route than what the assignments are because, well, she can. She states her design is classical, contemporary, eclectic and timeless. What the?? Those four words in one design statement are all over the friggin’ place. I’m starting feel as if she just spews out words and doesn’t even know what they mean. You know, if they are big words then I’m getting Lydia feels she sounds intelligent. This is hilarious watching her struggle to appear like she knows what the heck is going on.
Now for a breath of fresh air, we move on to Janet Roach’s country house where she is meeting with her interior designer, Andrew. She’s in the process of remodeling and in true Janet form, the budget has gone from $125,000 to $1.7M! I secretly wish there would be a show about Andrew and the remodel.
Cut to Andrea Moss and the remodel at Liberty Belle, her skin spa. Andrea hounds her architect about finishing in time for the opening party and with exception of some issues with carpet and stonework, it looks they will be able to get it done.
Finally, it’s the big tennis day at Andrea’s beach house! All the ladies arrive and Gina Liano is apparently running late due to work. During the tour of Andrea’s house the dog trots by with an exotic red bird dangling from his mouth. Andrea is mildly embarrassed, tosses poor Toucan Sam in the bushes and continues on the tour. Andrea drops that the tennis court surface alone was $40K and although it’s shameless bragging, I forget that knowing these little details puts their wealth into context. These chicks do have dough which is also refreshing from some of the other Housewives counterparts stretching their net worth for the sake of TV.
Gina pulls up an hour late all dressed up from court and hands Andrea a tacky 42oz box of Russell Stover chocolates and doesn’t bother to apologize. That’s annoying and rude. Well, Andrea doesn’t make a huge deal of it, albeit some grilling about her tardiness to Gina, and off they go to the courts. Ooof, here comes Lydia thinking she is Serena Williams (nice one Jackie!) and critiques poor Chyka Keebaugh the entire time. Just stop already Lydia!! Thank God Andrea’s 11yr old tennis coach arrives to save them from Lydia’s lectures on backhands. Man, Andrea can really play. Where the hell is Gina anyway? We learn that what’s taking her eons to get ready are the 87 applications of Aqua Net and spray tan. Gina emerges from the bathroom in a really cute tennis dress and 6-inch fuchsia heels. Despite Andrea’s warnings of not wanting to get sued in case Gina bites it on the terf, Gina actually takes a few swings in the damn shoes and it looks natural on her. Only on a Housewives show would you see this.
After the match, they all sit down to eat and Lydia started stirring the pot asking if Gina is still miffed at the group. Surprisingly, everyone stays calm and cool and no one goes into depth about the little quarrel and Janet’s bday last week (Phew! That storyline was getting old.) Jackie Gillies totally shifts gears and invites the crew and their spouses/partners to a Salsa dance class for their next get-together. Everyone is super stoked and then they all head home. That seemed like a really brief tennis day. Hilariously, Andrea comments that upon going to the same bathroom Gina was using for 3 hours getting ready, the sink, the floor and counters were covered in a 2-inch thick soot of Gina’s make-up residue. Ha-ha and Andrea’s maids are off and now she has to clean it up. Classic move Gina!
A few days pass and Gina asks Jackie to meet for coffee where she apologizes for how the last coffee date went and they decide to move forward. This is probably the most mature scene in Housewives history for making up and taking the high road.
Across town, Chyka hosts dinner for her son and his friends and I wish I took a seat at the table! Chyka is by far my favorite and I love that she cooked and had such endearing rapport with her teenage son and his friends.
Salsa night comes up fast and after modeling 2 outfits that are equally ugly, Jackie and Ben are ready to bust a move. Unfortunately, no one else shows up with their spouses but Jackie’s dance instructor has plenty of side-kicks to step-in. It looks like everyone is having a great time except Janet wants to murder Gina (but still manages to score the salsa dancer’s digits!). Nothing happens and the night ends peacefully, but look out for next week’s episode as they go on vacation (Housewives gold) the claws come out!!
TELL US – WAS THE GIANT BOX OF RUSSELL STOVER CHOCOLATES TACKY?