Lord help us all, last night’s Love & Hip Hop Hollywood Reunion was absolutely ridiculous. Let’s face it, thanks to the Atlanta franchise, these fools (not you, Omarion!) are going to try to amp up the drama just for insanity’s sake. Way to go, Mona! Speaking of, Mona is channeling Madonna circa the mid-90’s with her wardrobe, and everyone giggles when the host jokes about all the partner swapping that goes on in this group. Of course, laughing and getting along doesn’t make for good television as far as VH1 is concerned, and Ray-J somberly reminds everyone that friends sleeping with friends’ exes isn’t cool. Berg quickly reminds his pal that Ray slept with Hazel-E. Wait, does this mean Berg is claiming her as an ex? Surely not! Ray stays mum, and Hazel proudly announces that Ray was her first Hollywood conquest when she was in college.
Teairra Mari and Ray’s relationship is highlighted, from RayJ.com (is that really a thing?) to the Monistat box of clothing to the luggage gifting. Those crazy kids…I hope they make it! Ray seems to be taking anger management seriously, and he apologizes (dare I say, sincerely?) for humiliating his former girlfriend. He seems to genuinely feel badly for his actions. However, he and Teairra are no longer working on their relationship, which is Mona’s cue to bring Princess on stage. She’s looking a lot drier than the last time we saw her, isn’t she? She shares that she and Ray are working things out, and we are reminded of the Ray-Princess-Teairra love triangle. Keeping it classing, Teairra calls Princess a prostitute and requests that she “go choke on a d!@k,” to which Princess sweetly replies, “You were the one choking on a d!@k in a back alley last week.” Whose d!@k, you ask? Why, Yung Berg’s of course! Teairra warns Princess that she is one violent lady, and security starts flanking the stage as Ray tries to calm both “ladies.”
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Mona acts shocked, as if she’s not used to this kind of behavior. Oh, please. Teairra dares Princess to rip off her wig, and they argue about who is wearing rhinestones as opposed to real diamonds. A chuckling Ray takes a moment to brush his hair, and Mona has security keeping post around Teairra. Both Teairra and Morgan share that Teairra never got her Princess Pillow Talk (sounds like a Disney character, right?) information from Morgan, but Ray accuses Teairra of saying she heard it straight from Morgan’s mouth. On a lighter note, Princess and Ray joke about the pool incident, with Ray saying he Bo Jacksoned her into the pool. When did Ray become comic relief? Morgan believes that Ray’s connection with Princess is stronger than his with Teairra, and Princess promises to stay loyal to Ray regardless of what he may do in the future.
The train wreck that is Hazel and Berg is revisited. Hazel wonders why Berg is so hellbent on making her look like a fool, but I think she’s doing just fine with that on her own. When Mona asks Hazel about her feelings, Masika makes fun of her for crying. The next thing you know, they are yelling obscenities at each other, and Hazel throws off her
shawl shrug motorcycle jacket (what in the world?) in anticipation of a fight. Why are all these women trying to pass off lingerie as formal wear? Nia looks less than amused at her co-star’s antics, and I can’t say I blame her. Berg asks the women to be civil, but if I recall correctly, he beats the crap out of Masika after the reunion. There is nothing more pathetic than a tiny little prick who has to beat up women. Berg gives Hazel a big ol’ #sorrynotsorry, and he reminds her that she was nothing more than a 4am booty call. Hazel starts calling him Peter Panus with a “fun-sized” member, and Berg over shares that she let him stick his Peter Panus in every hole in her body from her ears to her nostril. Gag. Mona manages to coerce a tiny apology out of Berg, and poor Omarion and Apryl are watching and totally wondering how in the hell they ended up on this show.
The demise of Teairra and Hazel’s friendship gives me a headache from all the bleeping. Teairra and Hazel have a bit of a moment, but Hazel’s waterworks get in the way. Her tears are trending. Hazel attempts to get into it one again with Masika and Nikki is called to the stage in a rival see-through number that puts all the others to shame. Whoever did Nikki’s make-up should be fired. She clearly took Kim Kardashian’s highlighting tutorial literally. The sofas are cleared, and it’s Nikki and her mother on one side, and Masika, Teairra , and Morgan on the other side. Do these idiots realize that they are fighting over Mally Mal? Shame on Nikki’s mother for trying to be her tag team partner instead of yanking up her daughter and telling her to act like a lady. Morgan is clearly there just to calm Masika who is killing me with her one-liners about Nikki’s mom who has suggested a nude-off to prove that she’s hotter than her daughter’s nemesis. Game over. Even Soulja Boy can’t contain his glee at this wackadoo’s suggestion.
The network makes the lamest attempt to take a stand on violence. Shame on VH1 and on Mona. As the first half of the reunion comes to a close, a celebrity filled domestic violence PSA is shown (love you, Ice-T!), and a blurb flashes across the screen that VH1 doesn’t condone violence and has terminated Berg’s contract after he was arrested for allegedly assaulting Masika. It says, and I quote, “VH1 does not condone domestic violence.” Yeah, just every other form of violence! And if you don’t believe me, we return to Nikki’s mom yelling “plastic doll!” and “kiss my ass!” Masika warns “Nana” to stop yelling as it can’t be good for her blood pressure. Mally Mal joins the crew as Nana starts ranting about twerk-off with Masika who requests some singles from the audience. These Nana jokes aren’t getting old…well, at least not as old as Nana! 😉
The madness continues with part two of the reunion tonight.
TELL US-WHAT DID YOU THINK OF THE FIRST HALF OF THE REUNION? WHAT WAS YOUR FAVORITE PART?
[Photo Credit: VH1]