On last night’s Little Women: LA, the ladies’ friendships with Briana Manson came to a head over her relationship with Matt. Elena Gant and Preston share some “big” news. And Tonya Banks recruits the ladies for spots in her new workout video for little people.
Elena is brushing up on her US history in order to pass her immigration test, since being married to Preston these past four years only guarantees her a green card and endless access to his dwindling bank account. Preston agrees to help quiz Elena on her facts if she strips every time she gets an answer wrong. Elena agrees to the game, first piling on a parka or two. Since she thinks the governor of her state is Justin Bieber and one important thing Abraham Lincoln did was “feed the slaves,” she’s going to be butt naked in a few short minutes, I presume. #SlyFoxPreston It is sweet to see some true bonding between Elena and Preston, but before we take in too much of a tender moment, Preston suggests the reality TV Marriage Kiss of Death: a vow renewal! Oh no. Elena wants her family to be there since they weren’t able to be at their first wedding.
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Tonya and her boyfriend Jaa are in her back yard screen printing T-shirts for her brainchild: a workout video for little people. She’s going to ask all the ladies, including former nemesis Jasmine Sorge, to try out for the video. Because Tonya is an equal opportunity opportunist!
Speaking of Jasmine, she’s out on a date with her hubby Chris, who she’s been experiencing tough times with since their family furniture store closed. They’ve been watching their money lately because Chris can’t find work (which begs the question, why did Jasmine throw that semi-pricey party weeks ago?). But Chris has good news! He got a job! Jasmine tears up upon hearing the news, as does Chris. And can I just say, they are the cutest couple right now and I just want to group-hug, high-five them through the TV. Awww. Hopefully their worries are on their way out. Jasmine’s dad has a Mexican restaurant and she wants to invite the girls there for a margarita night to celebrate their great news.
Terra Jole and Joe Gnoffo are at home discussing their recent wedding (which was covered on Terra’s spinoff, Terra’s Little Family). They’re postponing their honeymoon due to baby Penny’s health issues, which involve potential surgery on her neck in order to remedy the flow of spinal fluid to the rest of her body. Dang – I may not be a huge Terra and Joe fan, but hearing anything so scary about a baby just makes my heart go out to them as parents. Joe and Terra are thankful for Penny just the way she is, not wishing they had an average size child instead – no matter how many health issues face them in the future. Conversation turns toward the Briana/Matt situation, which Terra is still upset about. And she’s taking hostages, yo! Terra knows Briana has been distancing herself from the group at large, and Christy McGinty specifically, so she’s going in for the kill soon (can’t you just smell it?). As for Joe, he thinks Briana might already be pregnant because in his opinion, “Matt is trying to lock that down.”
Ride-or-Die Bonnie and Clyde are out to lunch discussing Briana’s recent disastrous music meeting with Kerry Gordy, who gave her some straight talk about her sub-par singing. Matt builds Briana up, telling her this is what she’s meant to do, so she should go for it. In other news, Briana plans to go to Jasmine’s father’s restaurant for margarita night, but Matt is still raw about Terra snubbing him at the last party he attended. “Terra’s got a stick so far up her a$$, she can’t walk straight,” he snipes. Briana vows to defend his honor. Matt tells Briana to “kick her in the forehead” if she gets out of line, which is just gross and troubling on so many levels. Yes the jury is still out on Matt, and yes, we don’t know him personally. But from his remarks about “throwing down” with women, namely Briana’s friends, over his wittle-bitty feelings getting hurt, I’m left to conclude this gentleman is a d-bag. Period. Let’s hope he proves me wrong.
Tonya is at the doctor’s office getting the titanium rods in her neck checked before she prepares for her workout video. Having brought Elena along for support, Tonya wants a doctor’s opinion on her overall health before she takes too many physical chances like beating the “new girl” up for the smallest social infraction. The doctor delivers the bad news that Tonya’s neck and back issues may eventually lead to a disability and be degenerative in nature. Although she wants to work out and be fit, Tonya can’t push it too hard. But she does have a clean bill of health to go forward with her workout video and regimen for now. So, yay! (I think?)
The ladies gather at Jasmine’s father’s restaurant to celebrate, and Jasmine leads the peace train by congratulating Terra on her wedding and reiterating her commitment to keep the truce with Tonya in place. Christy talks about her plans for artificial insemination, and she admits that she and Todd won’t carry the baby to term if they conceive a child with a fatal double-dominant condition. Tonya agrees. Briana is on the hot seat as Tonya starts questioning her about how Matt is adjusting to life in LA. Briana claims her daughter adores Matt, asking if he can be her stepdad “tomorrow” and slips up as she refers to “all of our kids” when referencing Matt’s and hers together. Which of course sends Terra into attack mode. Brittney Guzman and Brittney Guzman’s septum-ring also think Briana and Matt are moving too fast.
Briana focuses on Terra, who she defends Matt’s honor to regularly. So why should tonight be any different? Matt is upset about the fetish comment, about not being acknowledged by Terra at the bonfire, and basically for being under attack since day one. Terra says she doesn’t owe Matt an apology, and furthermore, wants to know why Matt was sending photos of his schlong to another chick while he and Briana were dating? Tonya and Christy jump into the fray, but before they can get anywhere, Matt walks in.
Why is Matt here on ladies’ night? Apparently to awkwardly kiss Briana, then unsuccessfully defend himself about having a job, sending genital pics, and reaching out to Terra on social media BEFORE he tried his game on Briana. WHAT!? Terra says Matt lies about friending her and “poking” her (to no avail) online to this day, but that’s why she’s been so suspicious of him since the very beginning. Christy pipes up that they love Briana, but it’s a red flag that even Briana’s own parents have cut her off since she’s been dating Matt. Terra claims she’s no longer going to be in their business, but she also wants nothing to do with this mess down the road when the “I told you so” moment of truth comes. Matt “jokes” that he’ll make sure not to stand “too close to anybody” in the future so “nobody freaks out,” which cues Terra to ask why he has to continue to say f*ked up stuff like this?
Preston shows up next for Elena’s announcement of their pointless vow renewal, which will apparently include and equally pointless bachelorette party! Are we now officially in reality TV bizarro world where married folks just keep getting re-bachelorette-ized and remarried at will? Why, yes! We are. <groan> Briana doesn’t look jazzed about Elena’s big news because she wants to be the next one getting married, and here’s Elena’s fake re-marriage getting in her damn way!
After pumping herself full of hormones the next day, Christy furnishes Todd with his very own, er, “receptacle” to do his business in for her insemination later. Eww. Let’s move on, shall we? Christy fills Todd in on Elena and Preston’s vow renewal news, and on Briana’s pissed reaction to it. Ever since Matt has moved in, Christy says Briana doesn’t answer her phone calls, so she can’t even contact her to talk. Christy thinks Matt is isolating her, and that while he may be on his best behavior now, he’s actually a ticking time bomb.
Speaking of bombs (I kid!), Tonya is auditioning the ladies for her workout video. Everyone but Briana shows up, which irks Tonya. The ladies get their workout on, then take it to the patio to debrief while Tonya stays behind to discuss options with Jaa and Tonya’s trainer. Tonya wishes Briana were here instead of “these heifers” who are “a hot mess” because Briana would be a shoo-in for the video. Tonya needs three women, and she ultimately decides to choose Jasmine, Brittney, and Terra. #recount! #riggedvotingbooth!
The ladies discuss Briana and how she’s been off the radar since margarita night. But before Terra gets too far into berating Matt, Briana suddenly appears! Bonnie and Clyde sure to have a way of crashing a party at the most inopportune moments this episode, don’t they? Tonya tells Briana the news that she’s already chosen her three workout video vixens, but maybe she can squeeze her in. Elena wants another chance to audition too, so she and Briana go head to head with their moves while Tonya looks on in judgment. Of course, Tonya picks Briana, vowing to do the tough job of making another t-shirt for her to round out the group.
After Briana peaces out, Terra picks up her metaphorical spoon and starts stirring the pot again immediately, asking Elena if she thinks it was “weird” to discuss her vow renewal the other night in front of someone who is engaged – cough, cough – Briana. Christy says Briana’s body language said it all, but admits she doesn’t talk to her at much since Matt’s moved in, so who knows what she’s thinking these days? “He’s trying to shut her down!” Tonya remarks, and I can’t believe I’m going to say this, but I agree with Little Boss.
TELL US: IS MATT A ‘TICKING TIME BOMB’? WHAT DO YOU THINK OF ELENA’S VOW RENEWAL PLANS?
Photo Credit: Lifetime
