Little Women: LA recap

It’s time for more baby showers that no one wants to attend and friendships that no one wants to mend on this week’s Little Women: LA!

Last night we learned that Jasmine Sorge is a glutton for punishment as she throws Briana Renee another awkwardly attended shower, despite Briana’s horrid treatment of her. Did Jasmine learn nothing from that el depresso bridal shower last season? This will not be a gathering of happy campers. (Literally, the RSVP boxes on these shower invites should read: “Yes,” “Regretfully, no” and “What the f*ck dude!?”)

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But before that drama begins, we are weirdly treated to a scene at an animal sanctuary where Christy McGinity Gibel’s daughter, Autumn, is volunteering. Christy relays the latest from Briana and Matt Ericson (Grundhoffer). Briana thinks Christy fed inside info to her family, whom she is estranged from. Christy still thinks Matt is a piece o’ sh*t, which he absolutely is, who is still sexting his balls hither and yon, which he absolutely is.

In order to bury her head in the sand even deeper, Briana‘s solution to the Christy situation is to cut her off completely. Because it’s worked so well with family members! So, she told Christy she was “dead” to her. What Briana doesn’t seem to understand it this: Christy cannot be killed off that easily. SHE LIVES FOR THIS!!!

Little Women: LA recap

At a shop nearby, Jasmine tells Briana her good news: she’s pregnant! Briana seems happy for her. The ladies discuss Briana’s shower next, which Jasmine is willing to let Matt come to even though he makes her skin crawl. Plus, she’s learning (slowly) that one must tolerate the vile husband to remain on speaking terms with the delusional wife. Terra Jole and Tonya Banks are also welcome to come, probably because they’re so exhausted with badmouthing Matt, Briana isn’t scared of them stirring the pot. The are simply over her and her giant bag of BS. 

Jasmine asks if she can invite Christy, which Briana answers with an “Aw HELL no!” facial expression. Does not the entire world know Christy is dead to her? Well, they shall! Jasmine, not wanting to be cast out of Briana’s fickle good graces again, agrees to obey her master’s wishes. 

At Tonya’s, Terra visits, and is supposed to be joined there shortly by Elena Gant. But there is no Elena so far, which worries the ladies. Elena’s preeclampsia is a serious condition for any pregnant woman, let alone a little woman pregnant with twins. 

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Terra goes into fear tactic mode immediately, telling Tonya that one of the side effects of preeclampsia is death (which, yes, but…let’s keep it light for Elena’s sake – gawd!). Tonya doesn’t want to hear this scary stuff; she just wants Elena to be okay. Terra doesn’t think Elena is taking her preeclampsia seriously enough though, which may be true. But Elena has Preston to take care of her, so she’s in good hands! Tonya calls Elena’s phone to check in, but there’s no answer. 

They finally get a hold of Preston, who tells them he took Elena to the hospital because her blood pressure spiked. Yikes! But then, in a very roundabout way, he finally gets to the more pertinent info: ELENA HAD THE BABIES!!!! And they’re doing great! Squeeeeeee! Terra and Tonya are thrilled for them, but are told they can’t visit the hospital yet. Only immediate family for now. Terra wonders if this is because the babies are not doing as well as reported? 

They do get to Skype with the new parents though, who look good and are thrilled that baby boys Xavier and Kairo are here. One of the babies is on oxygen, and both will have to stay in the hospital for 2-4 weeks to stabilize. Elena and Preston are not sure if either baby shows signs of dwarfism yet, but they will be doing blood tests to determine it. Terra is scared for her friends, who will be forced to leave the hospital without their babies. But ultimately, it’s all good news here. Yay for Elena and Preston!!!!! Tonya and Terra high five to their new “auntie” status after hanging up. 

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In not so good news elsewhere, Jasmine decides to tell Christy (in public, for her own safety) that she won’t be invited to Briana’s baby shower. An offended Christy claims she didn’t feed Briana’s parents ANY info…um, except for the part about Matt sexting transgender models and Briana being in the hospital trapped by Matt. Just those tidbits! Jasmine thinks Christy overstepped her boundaries, but Christy doesn’t care. What if Briana ends up dead? Christy knows abuse when she sees it.

“She is being controlled by that man!” asserts Christy. But Jasmine, now beaten down like the others, answers that there’s nothing they can do to change it. And if they call Matt or Briana out on their rat’s nest of a marriage, they are summarily cut out of their lives. Is it just me, or have we been in the LWLA version of Edge of Tomorrow for, like, 2 straight years now!?!? Except instead of Tom Cruise reliving the same horrific day over and over again, I am. #PleaseCloneMe #ThisWillEndBeforeTheApocolypseRight? #LetThemImplode!

Little Women: LA recap

Christy has now transferred her Briana/Matt rage onto Jasmine, who is a piece of work trying to be Briana’s “bestie” by throwing this fraud of a baby shower. Heh. Christy 2.0 (ie, Jasmine) is playing the same game as Christy did last season. And Christy no likey! She’s all, “check, please!” as Jasmine dismisses her. Ugh, I just can’t with Christy or Jasmine at this point. These two deserve to be in Bonnie and Clyde purgatory together forever and ever. Amen. 

Briana is shopping for kale. Because that will cure her situation, she thinks. Hmm. Maybe taking the stress out of your life would do you some good as well? Just a thought! She is accompanied by Lisa, the only friend willing to hear her bullsh*t anymore allowed to visit her at the hospital. Briana says she and Matt are better than ever! Things are great! Matt is a new man! Lies aside, they move on to discussing the baby shower. Briana says she’s inviting all of the girls except Christy. But Lisa is wary about Terra and Tonya, who she doesn’t want “picking on” Briana or Matt at the shower. Oh, puhleeeeeez! It seems Lisa has been cast in the role of Codependent Friend #3. 

Speaking of codependents…Kerwin has moved himself into Tonya’s abode. It’s going well, except Tonya is not all about spending THIS much quality time with Kerwin. I mean, she wants a man. But a man taking up closet space and eating every meal with her? Meh.

To buffer their situation, they go on a double date at the arcade with Terra and Joe Gnoffo. They’re all willing to attend Briana’s baby shower, even though they can never forgive Matt for calling them “little oomps” at the reunion.

Also, Kerwin is not forgiving Tonya for not getting her “inventory” from Jaa yet, former boyfriend and business partner. He goes off on Tonya mid-ski ball about her only “having one job to do!” before he came. Yet she didn’t do it. He got rid of Lady Friend, didn’t he? Well then! Terra understands Kerwin’s frustration. Tonya has more than clothes to clean out of her closet. The ghosts of relationships past are haunting her current one. Kerwin puts Tonya on notice as Terra and Joe slink away from the scene. “Your time is limited as hell!” he warns. Little Boss has been served. 

It’s the day of Rosemary’s baby shower! The girls assemble, playing nice for Briana’s sake even though they plan to treat Matt as if he’s got the HP cloak of invisibility on at all times. Briana and Matt arrive with their backup, Lisa, who greets the ladies pleasantly enough…for now. Jasmine croaks a forced hello to Matt. And that’s a wrap. He is persona non grata at his own event, which is as it should be. 

After Terra fills the group in on Elena having her twins, Briana is shocked – SHOCKED, I say! – to be hearing this news just now. Why didn’t anyone tell her? (Asks the woman who tells nothing to anyone, ever.) Briana feels out of the loop, and regrets not staying in touch with the only friend who hasn’t been judging her. 

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Jasmine starts a baby bottle chugging contest, which Tonya wins handily. Her special sucking skills impress everyone. After the baby games end, the mind games begin. Lisa approaches Terra and Tonya to gloat about being at the hospital with Briana, and to accuse them of not supporting Briana in her time of need. Tonya ponders, “Who the hell is this b*tch!?” before answering calmly that Briana’s “friends” have supported her as much as they’ve been allowed to. Word. She and Terra know that Lisa is there to stir sh*t, so they cut it short. Terra decides to take this trainwreck back to the brokedown station. She confronts Briana directly.

Terra tells Briana she wants her to be happy, no matter what her opinion of Matt is. Briana knows the girls may never be okay with Matt, but she wants to move forward. Terra, who tears up, says she also wants to move forward. Their 10+ year friendship is not worth throwing away over the human excrement Briana has married. They’re willing to at least give it a try. We’ll see how that goes…

Back to the baby games! Briana and Matt are holding balloons, only one of which has confetti in it. When popped, the confetti balloon will indicate the size of their baby (Briana’s having confetti = little person, Matt’s = average size). Briana’s pops with confetti, and the gang claps for the little guy on the way. 

In a moment that makes me suddenly love Tonya, she openly tells Briana that God works in mysterious ways, and she really thinks this little guy will be a blessing for them all. She knows Matt would prefer an average sized child, and that he’s an abusive a$$hole that calls little people slurs. So she’s trying to help her friend in the best way she knows how. THAT’s what good friends do. 

Tonya then takes Terra aside to talk afterward. She tells Terra she feared that Briana might have an average sized child who, not having the best role model as a father, might eventually grow up and take advantage of Briana himself. My god. That’s dark. And depressing. And sadly, possible. Terra is outraged that Tonya thinks little children are better than average sized children. But that’s not Tonya’s point! Terra can raise a child, little or big, on her own even if Joe leaves her. Briana’s situation is a whole ‘nother ball of earwax. But Terra, and her hormones, is getting it twisted. She doesn’t understand Tonya’s point. I think I do. 

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Cut to Elena and Preston, who are staying in a hotel while the twins (born 6 weeks early) are still at the hospital. They want to remain close to the twins so they can visit anytime. They can see the babies on a NICU cam, which is awesome! But it’s tough to be away from them, even for a minute. Both babies are strong, and getting stronger every day. As any mother knows who’s had to leave her baby at the hospital after giving birth, it’s still heartbreaking to come home without them.

Elena cries as she thinks of the future: what if one comes home without the other? What if there are more complications? Sweet Preston assures her that all will be well. Their babies are being cared for and will be home with them before long. Elena is grateful for her babies’ health so far, but feels helpless. She wants to protect them, as any mother would. Preston holds her as she cries, telling her they’re doing the best they can. And they are. 

TELL US: IS JASMINE PLAYING GAMES WITH CHRISTY? WILL TERRA AND BRIANA BE ABLE TO REFORGE THEIR FRIENDSHIP? ARE YOU HAPPY FOR ELENA AND PRESTON?

Photo Credit: Lifetime

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