Little Women: LA recap

Last week, Little Women: LA fans were left hanging with a “to be continued” when it came to the star crossed marriage of Briana Renee and Barf (I mean, Matt) Ericson. Briana is empty threatening divorce because they got into a fight about where she set their kid’s cup down and well, let’s just say it’s never really about the sippy cup, amirite fellow mommies? Out poured all of Briana’s animosity and betrayal over being lied to over and over again by a cheating, manipulating, brainwashing, sexual deviant (did I leave anything out?) husband.

We pick up where we left off from last week, with Matt trying to manipulate Briana into thinking this is all her fault because she doesn’t make herself vulnerable to him. Briana waffles back and forth about not wanting a divorce but she also doesn’t want to be unhappy. This leaves the door a smidge open so Matt can slide his slimy foot back in and claim he just wants to be the best he can be (provided Briana just gives him the chance!). Briana decides she is going to stick it out so she doesn’t have two kids who came from divorce, which sounds like a great reason to stay with a cheating, jobless husband who has both ears pierced.

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Terra Jole

Even though Terra Jole is recovering from hernia surgery, that doesn’t mean she can’t get her vajayjay steamed up. Tonya Banks says what everyone is thinking: that this is weird and why can’t they just get together and drink wine instead of doing all these ridiculous treatments? I mean, really, what ever happened to a simple lunch? But the magic of the vaginal steam machine is that it loosens up all kinds of things and Terra talks to Tonya about how mad she is that Briana tried to get representation from her manager after she invited her to Dancing with the Stars. Terra is going to confront her about it another ridiculously made up event, her Vision Board Party (WTF).

Since the vaginal steam spa isn’t open after regular business hours, Briana invites Jasmine Sorge out to dinner to do damage control after she admitted to all of her friends that she wants a divorce in a moment of clarity. But now that Briana has been brainwashed back into seeing the light of how wrong she was and how nothing is Matt’s fault, courtesy of Matt himself, it’s time for her to defend him all over again. Jasmine listens quietly and I give the girl credit for not saying, “are you effing kidding me?” but ultimately tells Briana she will support her as a friend but doesn’t want to get involved in her marriage at all. Well done, Jasmine. Ain’t nobody got time for that.

Little Women: LA recap

Speaking of relationship issues, Tonya is ready to tie down her prince charming, Kerwin. It only took her 20 years to figure out but hey, it’s never too late right? But Kerwin has some complaints about his queen – mainly, that she doesn’t cook for him. Tonya reasons that if they were married, she would because she wants to and until then, the Rib Shack is on speed dial. Kerwin doesn’t appreciate eating his ribs out of box. Just put it on your vision board, Kerwin.

Speaking of, Terra is ready to get this Vision Board Party underway and as the ladies glue magazine cuttings onto their cardboard, Elena Gant updates them on persona non grata, Christy McGinity-Gibel and their recent meeting. Elena admits she could have been more supportive after Christy’s surgery and Terra thinks she’s crazy for even entertaining it. Since this conversation isn’t really going well, it’s time to lighten things up by asking Briana if she scheduled counseling yet. Briana is working on it but until then, she’s getting a puppy to replace the previous puppy she had but gave away because that puppy was “too high strung.”

Lightening things up even further, Elena asks Briana if she wants to have more kids and when Briana gives some canned line about focusing on her career right now, Elena suggests it’s because things aren’t going well in her marriage. Briana stumbles over trying to come up with an excuse, which is pretty lame and the ladies are ready to move on to showing off their class project. Visions include: Botox, having more kids, God, being an eye and lip model, writing a book and also, writing a book. Both Terra and Briana want to write books and Briana claims that she has been working on hers for two years.

Little Women: LA recap

Now would be a great time for Terra to confront Briana about trying to get her manager to represent her after Dancing with the Stars. Despite multiple people seeing and hearing this, including Tonya, who is sitting right there to back it up, Briana tries to deny it. Briana argues that she isn’t jealous but everyone deserves a chance to get great opportunities and realizes she’s busted so apologizes for asking a dumb question. Terra won’t let it go that quickly and walks away after calling Briana a liar.

After all that awkwardness, we randomly transition to a triple date, set up by Tonya, with Elena and Preston and Terra and Joe so that Kerwin can see what it’s like to hang out with happily married couples. As if that isn’t silly enough, they go to a bar tending class to do bl**job shots because nothing says “happy marriage” like doing shots named after every wife’s least favorite job.

The girls casually mention that Tonya had marriage on her vision board and look to Kerwin, who says they don’t have enough communication and plus, Tonya doesn’t cook enough. He might have a man cave but clearly, he needs a good meal. Tonya wisely decides to discuss it more with him privately, over ice cream at a later date. They go back and forth a few times, both digging in their heels while Kerwin digs into his cookie monster ice cream and for now, that’s the end of that. The poor guy just wanted to enjoy a good meal.

Briana Renee

Briana decides to relieve some stress, she’s going to take her new therapy dog, Vader, to get a manicure and stamp on the back of his butt. Matt comes along, sporting a white cotton motorcycle jacket and ready to bash Briana’s friends as she complains about them. Oh, Briana. You can’t complain to your friends about your man when it’s bad and then complain to your man about your friends when they don’t tell you whatever you want to hear. But if you thought this was bad, it’s about to get way worse.

Jasmine and Elena got a call from Briana’s friend, Lisa (who you might recall from the last episode). Lisa explains that Matt has been reaching out to Lisa during his marital problems. He hasn’t been saying anything overtly inappropriate to her but he was clearly laying the groundwork to see if she would bite and entertain his disgusting a**. Lisa is concerned that she needs to get this off her chest to Briana but knows Briana will blame her and not Matt. Jasmine is done being involved with Briana and Barf and Elena just sounds bored with it all.

I’m sure we’ll get to see where this goes on the second hour of this supersized episode!

TELL US: DOES BRIANA OWE TERRA AN APOLOGY FOR TALKING TO HER MANAGER?

Photo Credit: Lifetime

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