Being Jax Taylor is a difficult thing. Being Jax Taylor means swatting away desperate hoards of single women grasping at you like vampires fighting over a corpse. Being Jax Taylor means everyone wants to get you drunk and force you to attend parties with them. Being Jax Taylor means all the guys idolize you. And being Jax Taylor means you are dating Stassi Schroeder which is a whole separate problem of its own. But at least she's hot and lets you crash at her place for free, right?!
Last night on Vanderpump Rules, Jax learned that if he doesn't want to buy his own TV and get his own place, he better listen to MamaStassi and grow up or sleeping in his car won't be a choice, it will be a lifestyle. Apparently grown ups aren't male models, either. Hasn't Stassi seen Zoolander? #BlueSteel
At 33, Jax is a former big thing in the world of male modeling but as he is no longer quite so young and pretty he's become kind of a small thing. However he doesn't seem bothered by this and seems content to sling drinks at Sur. Jax admits it's impossible to grow up when you're him and suffering from Peter Pan Syndrome. Which doesn't sit well with his ever-patient, ever-loving Swedish Princess Stassi. Poor Jax – I mean it's hard to be dumb as a box of rocks and have a gasoline fight with your fellow male model friends while the camera rolls and the Le Tigre pout schmoozes the lens.
Last night's episode of Real Housewives of Beverly Hills is brought you by Cyndi Lauper's "True Colors." And it also confirmed two things I've long suspected: 1) Househusbands are like fleas when it comes to the series; unwelcome guests that just annoy the hell out of us and should stay home (I'm looking at you, Mauricio "Maurice" Umansky) and 2) One should never, ever, ever attend a party thrown by SplitsRichards. Lets just all stick to parties at Yolanda Foster's from now on. I mean, Babs might attend!
Things begin with Scheana Marie Famewhore putting on her best "I feel so sad and ashamed" face that she's been practicing in the mirror for weeks in anticipation of her big ol' TV debut. Unfortunately Scheana feels about as bad about squashing Brandi Glanville's marriage as she did squashing the spider she found in her bathroom last week.
Brandi, on the other hand, is still totally not over Douche King Eddie Cibrian and she narrows her eyes looks right at Scheana and hisses that he's probably cheating on ol' crazy noodles LeAnn Rimes right now. Scheana's eyes get wide, she starts to look nervous, and then Brandi – all 35 feet of her – stands up, looks down at her and breezes out. Scheana does a quick vital signs assessment, realizes she's in one piece, and then runs out as fast as her shaky legs can carry her.
Brandi breezes into the Office de Vanderpump for a counseling session and a glass of much needed rosé. I need rosé on tap too. Lisa Vanderpump – hook a girl up!
New Real Housewives of Beverly Hills star Marisa Zanuck is getting quite the initiation. Her intro to the group happened during one of Kyle Richards' infamous dinner parties. The dessert on the menu is rarely the edible kind, but it is always the lipsmackingly ridiculous and scandalous kind!
"I remember leaving the dinner very surprised at all the conflict that had developed in the past few months," Marisa shares. During yoga "I was trying to listen to Kyle and process what she was saying but found it hard to focus on all of the accusations and suppositions that didn't involve me. I like to have fun and so does Kyle. I know it is hard for Kyle to be in the middle of all the drama, she is much more in her element when she is having a good time."
We here at Reality Tea found that announcement surprising, not because Melissa doesn't look hot, but because sister-in-law Teresa Giudice has been mentioning she is planning to release her own fitness DVD to coincide with her healthy eating cookbook empire.
Well, our source shared with us that Melissa's true intention behind announcing a workout DVD was purely to enrage Teresa and try to continue their never-ending competition.
"This fitness video nonsense is unreal. Monkey See Monkey Do…A.K.A Melissa jumped right on the workout bandwagon. She knew Teresa was working on a fitness DVD so she just threw it out there on Twitter that she was making one," our source dishes.
Last night's episode ofReal Housewives of Atlanta was brought to you by the Bravo Home Shopping Network. We also learned a very good lesson about donkeys – they are stubborn. Very stubborn. And the more expensive the shoe, the more said donkey digs her heels in!
Things begin in normal land, or should I say New Normal land with NeNe Leakes and the family relocating to LA and their temporary home in the Hollywood Hills. Luckily Kenya Moore was on hand to loan NeNe some peeing cupid statues and other hideous faux Versailles pieces. What nothing reminiscent of Gone With The Wind? No massive draperies in velvet? No partially burned in the Civil War looking shabby chic dining room sets? No Rhett Butler portraits? #amateur.
So yeah, NeNe has arrived and she is ready to thrive!
Moving back to the land of ATL, Kandi Burruss is celebrating Todd's birthday by baking him a cake from scratch with her daughter Riley. Kandi was using cooking tools and clearly had a grasp of how they worked. I have to admit I swooned a little at the down-to-earth moment. Riley is talking about how she wants to move into the guest house when she gets older.
"You can't fake emotions," Kenya maintains. "If he was playing games, I wasn't playing games." Uh huh – I think actresses can and do fake emotions all the time, and doesn't Kenya fancy herself an actress?
And after she did that talking bit that we all don't care about, Kenya did the for real important thing and that was to perform LIVE! Yes, LIVE! her new song "Gone With The Wind Fabulous." Is anyone else failing to see what exactly is so fabulous about GWTW? Has Kenya seen the movie? Read the book?
Well, well… didn't I predict this would be the next big Housewives product on the horizon. Not five minutes after Phaedra Parks and Apollo Nida came out with Phine Body the first copycats are arriving!
Melissa Gorga announced on twitter that she and Poison Gorga are producing their own workout DVD. Cause e'rybody wants to look like they work at Lookers. I predict they'll call it Poisonous Body By MeGo and JoGo. Oh dear… Jersified workout gear coming soon!
In her Bravo Blog, Porsha explains why they made the decision to do it the old-fashioned way and reveals she was shockedKandi Burruss even asked about the matter.
"When Kandi asked me if I had a pre-nup. I was thrown completely off. I really like her and felt comfortable with her, but here I am about to answer a personal question for the world to see. So I just fly out with a no. In my opinion a marriage is a sacred union between two people coming together as one with love being that foundation — being one in mind, body, and spirit. This means I want to agree with my husband and have like minds, I want to bond with him in the flesh (meaning anything that has to do with the natural things, whether it’s a sexual, monetary, or family issue etc.)."