Last night was the premiere of Teen Mom 2. In case you have been living in a bomb shelter where twitter does not exist, it gave you the opportunity to catch up on what's been happening with our ever responsible ladies.
Jenelle Evans is still atrocious! After marrying Courtland Rogers, getting arrested 3 zillion times, and getting bailed out 3 zillion times she's back home with mom Barbara and terrorizing their peaceful-ish domestic tranquility with her soulless vortex. Apparently we're supposed to be proud of her or something. We're not. She whines that being a teen mom is like sooo super hard – not sure how she would know since she doesn't even interact with Jace when he's sitting right in front of her.
And since the world that is Jenelle is less stable than a drunk sorority girl on a parade float, she has more news. Jenelle takes a walk with her friend to share that getting off heroin is like hard and she's also like pregnant, so she's decided to get an abortion. How many pregnancies this year? "I should have made him put on a condom," Jenelle whines. "I'm so disappointed in myself." Completely monotone insincerity.
Jenelle's mom Babs supports the abortion since she doesn't want to be raising a second grandchild that Jenelle lost track of while she pursued her intensely fulfilling relationship with twitter. Jenelle is glad Courtland is stuck in jail so she doesn't have to tell him about all of this.
Kim is able to forgive Brandi Glanville for calling her a meth addict on national TV and telling people she pooped on her pillow, but not forgive Lisa for decorum and the truth came out on twitter! Kim is now Brandi's friend and Brandi and Lisa are now NOT friends. In fact, according to the wisdom of Kingsley Kim, everything bad that has ever happened on RHOBH like in the history of the show is ALL LISA'S FAULT.
A viewer recently tweeted Kim warning her about trusting Brandi, stating: "Look what she did to Lisa." and Kim responded with, “What did Brandi do to her? I KNOW!! Brandi says stupid things things!! But … I PROMISE U!! EVERYTHING LISA DOES IS FOR A REASON!! …..NEVER JUST BECAUSE SHE LOVES ❤U" Basically it's the same old-same old "playing chess" nonsense that Kyle Richards has been spewing for ever.
Last night on Vanderpump Rules some girls got diamonds and some girls got called a c-u-next-tuesday near the loading dock in the back of a restaurant. Some girls have all the luck… and some girls, well, some girls bawl their eyes out next to the dumpster.
Kristen Doute's season-long crusade over Tom 1's cheating continued, but there was a twist! A big ol' twist. The twist was: after throwing a man-trum and berating Jax Taylor for lying and ruining his life, Tom 1 confessed that he did actually kiss Ariana in Vegas. Not behind the port-a-potty but in the pool of a low-rent hotel. Same difference!
Perhaps Tom 1 was undergoing electro-shock therapy and a in the course of rediscovering joy, he remember the blissful drunken kiss in a Vegas swimming pool under flashing lights that spelled out "Destiny". Or perhaps Kristen waterboarded him with gin mixed with Axe Bodyspray into confessing. Whatever the case, Tom 1 makes a liar of himself and Ariana too. But not Jax!
Ahhhhhh… Real Housewives of Beverly Hills where mothering is a crime against humanity because naturally that's the nanny's job. In Beverly Hills one also needs to be heavily armed and ready at any moment for home invaders. I'd be more worried about closet raiders, but you know if broke into Yolanda Foster's house I'd go straight for the Hermes belt collection. Just me?
We begin at Carlton Gebbia's house where she's hosting a party to promote naked girls. Carlton: the Playboy mansion you are not. Carlton's "nanny", who is never near children ever, which given her behavior is probably a good thing, helps choose exotic dancers to perform.
Carlton drones monotonously for the 400th time that she loves women. I am out of patience with this cougar-in-heat trying to be the Joe Francis of the middle-aged. I'm sure Carlton's daughters aren't embarrassed at allll to be seeing their mother's Sexford Wife shenanigans.
Brandi Glanville adopted a new dog named Buddy to distract her kids from Chica's disappearance. Brandi hates Buddy and complains that he wants to be near her. He peed on her bed – yeah that's annoying, but I'm sure Brandi has also peed on her bed in a drunken stupor.
New reality show Hollywood Hillbillies is a family-friendly series that follows a Georgia family as they trade in their country lives for a move to Hollywood! They're not just any 'hillbilly' family, however – they're YouTube sensations Michael “The Angry Ginger” and his “Mema”.
The fun-loving family came to fame when Michael made a YouTube video defending redheads with his special kind of southern-style fury. Soon the whole family jumped into the biz and a 150 million views later the bright lights of Hollywood came a'callin.
The show follows Michael Kittrell, his grandmother Mema, his aunt Dee Dee and uncle "Big" John through a serious of hilarious adventures as they take California by storm.
Meet the family and watch a trailer of the new season below.
Hollywood Hillbillies premieres tonight at 9 ET/PT on REELZChannel.
CLICK THE CONTINUE READING BUTTON FOR THE PREVIEW!
This is my first experience discussing the atrocity that is Kody Brown's hair. Why are there no cameras in his bathroom detailing how he achieves such a paragon of 80's greatness. Kody missed his calling by not going into figure skating because the twirl potential of those locks is epic.
This week theSister Wives took a quad-only trip to San Francisco to bond sans Kody, who is really the reason no one gets along. Meanwhile Kody stayed home to burn down the fort and show his paternal ineptitude to the world.
Things start out with Janelle running a 5K, which I hope translates into eventually running away from Kody. To support her, Kody runs with her – well actually he runs far ahead of her. Robyn, of course, is pimping t-shirts to go along with the race that feature the word "Be:" followed by a bunch of adjectives of what someone could be. Polygamous is not on the list, but the design does feature an exploding heart. Ummm…