The final part of the Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills reunion was all about owning the undefinable IT – what that “IT” is, we’re not sure. Lisa Vanderpump was owning no part in offending anyone, or the chicanery behind manipulating others into questioning Yolanda Foster‘s Lyme Disease. Other than Kyle Richards, the only person Lisa deemed worthy was Ken, who, despite pissing all the women off, made no appearance last night. Ken was too busy relaxing in the Villa Rosa gardens amid the splendor of mini horses and Pomeranians. Or, who knows, maybe he was doing gourmet Jello Shots with Mohamed and David! #LifeWithoutLyme
We begin with Lisa explaining why she didn’t open up about her past abuse when Eileen Davidson shared hers. Lisa didn’t feel comfortable sharing in front of Ken. Which seems to be a problem; since season 3 Ken has made a habit of attending events with Lisa, acting as a guard dog between her and the other women. It’s a bit silly, and, as Eileen tried to point out (in between Yolanda constantly interrupting), this wall Lisa has up – physically and metaphorically – prevents her from bonding and forming true friendships with the women.
At Brandi Redmond‘s house, it is no surprise that her morning begins with poop. Dog poop, specifically, from the dog who has a name which isn’t “..butt.” They also have a rabbit. Apparently Brandi’s mom is running around Texas randomly collecting animals and dispensing them on her doorstep just to annoy Brandi‘s husband, Bryan. The only prerequisite is the animal must be snow white, (and incontinent?).
“…I am not here to judge others but to give grace on situations, relationships and know that through my relationship with God it has allowed me to be who I am,” begins Brandi. “Who am I? I am a free spirit that is very light hearted and loves life to the fullest.”
In a desperate attempt to make us appreciate her cleverness, the Real Housewives Of New York star bragged of her blog, “I slay like Beyonce! Who is your THN? #rhony” (Let’s hope that was sarcasm, cause um…. otherwise someone put batshit crazy in Carole’s lemonade.) Inviting viewers to name “‘The Housewife Narcissist’ in each city and win a prize!” resulted in Carole re-tweeting a list which included NeNe Leakes!
Bethenny told us over and over again how cool her party was supposed to be – hot dogs! s’mores! Moscow Mules! Skinnygirl coffee cups! Yet, there for the grace of ungainliness go John, Dorinda Medley‘s boyfriend, a fetid protrusion who dropped a big old stink over the party, thus ruining it for The Big B. Her poor friend Carole Radziwill was equally besieged – the ghost of Countesses Past trailing her through the party seeking absolution? Resolution? Nah – actually a casually polite conversation.
It was a crisp, cool day and that something in the air was pervasive. I don’t think it was the smell of wienies roasting, but that was happening too (metaphor alert!). Pre-party, Dorinda gave John a Cliffs Notes course on etiquette and ran through How To Apologize flashcards to prepare him for seeing Bethenny, but there is no turning back time there. Some stains just simply will not budge – John apparently being one of them!
Carole and Jules had a ‘bonding moment’ over being the two skinniest girls in the room at Dorinda Medley’s bra party, but Carole isn’t buying Jules’ claims that she comes by her thinness naturally! Carole is confused about Jules defense being that she gets her period every day.
“Huh?” wonders Carole. “It’s kind of like hearing a friend you suspect drinks too much say, ‘What? I don’t drink too much, I never even black out.’ Ummm, okay.”