Big Rich Texas is all new tonight! I kind of missed this crazy bunch last Sunday. Admit it… you did too!
Last time on Big Rich Texas, Leslie Birkland announced that she and Ripwere engaged. All the women were like, OMG, let me see the (assumed to be humongous) ring! According toLeslie, her billionaire asked her to marry him on the fly, so she didn't have a ring yet. Horrors! Connie Dieb and Bonnie Blossman rushed Leslie to the nearest bling shop. While shopping for an engagement ring, Bonnie asked Leslie if she and Rip would join Bonnie and Jason for dinner later that week. Leslie agreed, and then Bonnie secretly planned an engagement party for the couple!
Imagine Leslie's surprise when she came to the party alone, as Rip's plane had been delayed in New York. Of course. A mortified Leslie attempted to distract her friends with massive amounts of alcohol and the promise of a trip to New Orleans. Despite no Rip, good times were had by all until Jason picked a fight with Tyler immediately after Cindy Davis practically tried to bed him on the bar. Poor Tyler. Big Rich Texas ended with an embarrassed Leslie dragging one of her real/borrowed children to the car. Again.
On tonight's episode of Big Rich Texas, the ladies travel to New Orleans for Leslie's bachelorette party, but the bride-to-be is nowhere to be found. Then, before Booger asks Whitney Whatley to be his bride, he seeks Bonnie and Jason's blessing. Bonnie and Jason are all like, why? shehas no money, no job, and no life goals. It's great!
Also, imagine our surprise when we came across Leslie and Rip's engagement announcement, complete with a photo of the lovebirds!
Following the party, if Leslie's face could show emotion, she would look bewildered. Leslie doesn't understand why Kalyn got so upset with her mother. Just a guess… perhaps because they're two manipulative drama queens fighting for attention. Kalyn tells Leslie that she got too heated and cannot even remember what set her off, adding, "Everything was just rushing through my head, like all the crap she pulls, and I just went off. I lost it. I couldn't handle it anymore."
Leslie stresses that people can change. Leslie blows my mind with, "Now that you're an adult and you've been baptized, you're looking and viewing life differently." Being baptized does not instantly make one an adult… and, for crying out loud, Kalyn's hair is practically still wet. When did she have time to change her outlook on life? Leslie urges Kalyn to give Terry a chance. Kalyn says the mere thought is exhausting.
Next, DeAynni Hatley brings 15-year-old Shaye to the Big Rich Texas plastic surgeon for Botox. I'll let you digest that statement for a moment and meet you in the next paragraph.
Stop the presses, y'all. Tyler ran 4.2 miles. That's all you need to know about this week's episode of Big Rich Texas. Trust me. The rest pales in comparison to Tyler's awesomeness. Nevertheless, the rest…
Leslie Birkland enters the scene, shoos away her real child (Mommy, I just ran 4.2 miles! No time, Tyler. I just found out your fake sister is a slut, but you already knew that, didn't you.) to talk to Kalyn Braun. Leslie says, "Well, Kalyn, the party was all about you being a slut." Leslie continues and it goes something like this, Boonie Blossman, whose shirts states she's a doctor, educated me about UTIs… in front of everyone… and you, my dear Godaughter, have some complication from being sexually active.
Leslie asks Kalyn, "Do you know to go pee after sex?" Kalyn sees no way to escape the madness, so she fake cries. "Boo hoo hoo, I'm being judged for no reason." Leslie assures Kalyn that she just wants to help her. Leslie tells Kalyn that she is to call her every time she has sex, so she can remind her to pee. That Leslie. She sure does go above and beyond the call of Godmother duty.
I'm new to Big Rich Texas, but I am already completely in love with Bonnie Blossman. Hands down, she is my favorite personality on the show. Booger and Whitney round out the list of people I thorougly enjoy watching. I merely tolerate and/or love to hate the rest of the cast. (Not counting the daughters. They're just kids… my heart aches for a few of them.)
Bonnie, also known as Botox Bonnie or Dr. Bon, isn't your average reality TV star. She's well educated, fun, crazy, witty, caring… I could go on and on. When she's not crashing dog parties and bonding with Booger on Big Rich Texas, Bonnie works for The University of Texas at Arlington, teaching courses in Biology, Biochemistry, Parasitology, Gene Expression, Anatomy & Physiology, and Contemporary Biology. She has an impressive sixteen years of college-level teaching experience. Bonnie earned her PHD in Biology in 2007, graduating with a 4.0 GPA.
In addition to mom/wife and college professor, Bonnie is also a published author, a recording artist, an entrepreneur, and the CEO of her own company. When asked about her crazy-busy life, she said, “I think I have ADHD. I’m serious, I googled it!” Bonnie added, “I could have easily stayed with one career, but I think I’ve just harnessed my ADHD. I was never interested in school, and one career just wasn’t enough. I’m happy doing so much.”
Last week on Big Rich Texas, Kalyn Braun got herself fired from the ranch (where she scooped poop) for flirting with the boys and showing too much boob. News traveled quickly around Woodhaven, of course, and Whitney Whatley just couldn't resist the opportunity to call Kalyn a slut at the Texas Diva Reboozing party. Insults were slurred… glass was broken… Kalyn's almost mommy came to her rescue.
Dragging Kalyn to the car,Leslie Birkland demands, "How could you not tell me you got fired?" Kalyn is all like, whatever… all I did was flirt with boys. Tyler quips, "Hopefully just flirting." Kalyn declares, she's had a rough night and wants to stop talking about it. Leslie says, "We'll talk about it when I want to talk about it… and I want to talk about it tomorrow." Hilarious. Way to be all stern and stuff. Leslie informs Kalyn that she's now working with her at Life's A Pageant. I'm not sure if that's a step up or a step down from the ranch.
Bright and early the next day, we learn that Bonnie Blossman hopes her Fiona Frost book series makes her the next J.K. Rowling. The second book of the series is ready, which calls for a party. Bonnie explains, "The main suspects of the book are a teen vampire cult, so I'm having a vampire-themed launch party." Naturally, Bonnie and Whitney shop for costumes for the party. While shopping for vampire gear, Bonnie asks Whitney why she went after Kalyn at the Texas Diva party. The short answer is… Kalyn's a skank.
DeAynni Hatley takes her role as the Big Rich Texas club social chair very seriously. Her latest idea is archery lessons. For good measure, she adds, "Welcome to Texas, Bitches."
Bonnie Blossman and Melissa Poe declare their love for archery and dish about Cindy Davis. Bonnie and Melissa do not understand why Leslie Birkland has become such good friends with Cindy. A few of the daughters, Alex, Shaye, and Maddie, also enjoy the archery lesson. Maddie asks Alex why her mom isn't there. Alex says Cindy is out to lunch with Leslie, adding that her mom wants her to be independent. Shaye pretty much says her mother smothers her. Melissa, Maddie's mom, is a nice middle.
Moving on to Leslie and Cindy's lunch date, Leslie welcomes Cindy to the crazy club. Talking about Cindy and Bonnie's blow up at the BBQ, Cindy thinks Bonnie only lost her cool because someone was talking to her husband. Leslie says that Bonnie once told her she keeps Jason at home as much as possible so no other women can hit on him. Leslie warns Cindy, "Bonnie is going to come after you again." Leslie's couch confessionals (well, her normal conversations, too) drive me nuts. There's something about her voice and scripted lines that irk me.
DeAynni hires a PR company to help her launch Texas Diva Remodeling and Construction. The first order of business… branded cocktails. Of course. The company suggests a logo and launch party, also. DeAynni says, "This Texas Diva launch party is going to be the event of the year." Is it just me or does she say that about every party she organizes?
Okay, so it technically happened a month ago, but since we're just getting into Big Rich Texas, it's news to us! Bonnie Blossman shared this Twitter photo a few days ago, spreading the word that her daughter Whitney Whatley is engaged to her body piercing beau Booger!
Bon shared the above shot of Whitney flashing some new bling, "Yes it is. Yup. Stay Tuned".
Booger had originally shared the engagement news a few weeks ago (before most of the BRT fans knew who he was). The prince of piercing (who looks a wee bit like he could be The Situation's brother, no?) Tweeted, "I am truly excited and honored to be engaged to such an amazing, beautiful, and perfect woman I love you w/ all my heart."
Oh you know this is going to be filled with drama southern style! The ladies of Big Rich Texas recently headed to LA to film their Season 3 reunion.
All the ladies hit up the airport together except Wendy Rae Walker. She tweeted that she wasn't attending. Huh? Is this a scandal happening here?
The reunion is hosted by Vivica A. Fox and she apparently had a great time with the girls. She tweeted: "Whew Tweeps! Just starting my day! Worked 16hrs on Sun hosting Big Rich Texas Reunion special! Thnkx 4 the luv bout The Chew 2day! Muah "