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Real Housewives of Miami

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Last night's episode of Real Housewives of Miami was brought to us by Lea Black's boobs. Was it me or were they borderline popping out in every scene? Did she pay a visit to Dr. Boob God recently?

Other than that, Joanna Krupa had a meltdown and threw a soap opera bitchfit which included kicking Lisa Hochstein out of her wedding party. And Lisa cried and whined and meddled and stirred the pot. Really, Lisa needs a hobby. Maybe crochet? 

Lea is creating The World of Lea Black which includes patenting that laugh and every time you open a Lea Black box it bursts out. She's creating handbags and writing books and skin care crap. I really don't know, but I guess it's a full-fledged industry in fabulosity. More power to her because at least she was doing this pre-Housewives so it's not just some schleppy storyline to give her a purpose on the show. Apparently it's a "movement". 

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The Blacks' Annual Gala 2013

Lea Black is rapidly becoming the axis for which Real Housewives of Miami rotates. Take that Adriana de Moura

This week Lea provided us with a trip down memory lane to demonstrate she didn't make her money on her back and marry rich as Ana Quincoces claimed at last year's reunion. 

"Now you all know I've worked my entire life — contrary to the hate club members who say I married for money," Lea describes in her blog. "How pathetic is it when people have to try to make people look bad just for relevance or just because?"

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Joanna Krupa Real Houswives Premier

See Update Below! Apparently the Real Housewives of Miami reunion, which taped last week, was serious drama! And the drama mostly centered around former BFFs Lisa Hochstein and Joanna Krupa. The reality TV curse of the best friends strikes again. 

Joanna tweeted that the reunion was "brutal". The two former friends had a falling out over Lisa's friendship with Adriana de Moura, and Joanna kicked her out of her wedding party!

The drama came to a serious head at the reunion when Joanna allegedly revealed something seriously scandalous about Lisa's past. And Lisa is suing mad! An insider tells All About TRH Lisa is seeking to file a defamation suit against Joanna. 

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It's time to breakdown who's watching what on Sunday and Monday nights.

On Sunday, Keeping Up with the Kardashians took the night off. Are you all OK? If you and your TV survived the heartbreak, you may have tuned in to the Real Housewives of New Jersey special or the Queer Eye for the Straight Guy reunion.  Part two of the RHONJ Tell All brought 1.509 million viewers to Bravo and 865,000 fans checked out Queer Eye: 10 Years Later.

On Monday, the season 5 finale of Basketball Wives attracted 2.233 million viewers, bringing its season average to 1.96 million. Also, 833,000 loyal fans (steady) tuned in to the Lea Black show, err, the Real Housewives of Miami and 1.106 million viewers (down over 150,000 from last week) watched Katie and Joey break up on Teen Mom 3 this week.

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Last night's episode of Real Housewives of Miami was all about family matters – and twisty, curvy, convoluted family dynamics! 

It turns out Romain Zago has more than a childhood shrouded in negligent parenting as neither of his parents could give a fig about attending his wedding to Joanna Krupa. Scared of Joanna? Even worse – Romain's brother, the supposed best man, is iffy about whether or not he'll attend. Maybe they can do Skype nuptials? Joanna feels that's what they get for waiting six years to set a date. Nevertheless it made her really appreciate her family (maybe she'll stop ball-busting Marta. I mean she's finally stopped ball-busting Romain!). 

It also makes Joanna understand that she truly is the only family Romain has. Better get to reproducing – or she's probably saving that for next year's storyline (if they get renewed, that is)! To celebrate their love, Romain is surprising Joanna with a romantic evening. First he rips up the prenup they were planning to sign (love, Housewives style!) then he rents a yacht and has a puppy waiting on board. Joanna is in heaven. I'm just happy Joanna found someone willing to put up with her. Better Romain than Marta – or me! 

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For once Joanna Krupa is happy she doesn't get along with Adriana de Moura! Because it means she didn't have to wait…and wait… and wait… and wait for a faux wedding/vow-renewal

The Real Housewives of Miami star who will soon have her own wedding air on Bravo, says she is thrilled that she skipped reality TV's most time consuming nuptials

"The good news for me is that I wasn't there. So NO, I didn't wait 1 1/2 hours for the ceremony. NO, I didn't wait 2 hours to start eating. NO, I didn't have to change clothes twice in the super hot summer of Miami while the bride was trying to get ready," Joanna writes in her Bravo blog.

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The reality TV viewer numbers for Sunday and Monday are in. 

Season five of Real Housewives of New Jersey has come to an end. Andy's like, Thank you, Jesus! Part two of the reunion attracted 2.099 million viewers which means just under 400,000 jumped ship since last week. My guess? They were among the 16 MILLION who were preparing for the Walking Dead.

The Kardashians, who are less dead but pumped full of preservatives just the same, remained steady despite the competition.  2.182 million loyal fans tuned in to Keeping Up with the Kardashians instead of the zombies. 

Only 866,000 viewers cared to watch Adriana de Moura and Frederic Marq celebrate four years of wedded bliss with, um, a wedding on Real Housewives of Miami.  Just before that hot mess, 946,000 Bravo fans tuned in to the Real Housewives of New Jersey tell-all special. 

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Adriana de Moura's wedding was quite the, um… event! It better have been for all the time guests spent waiting for her to put on a dress!

The formal affair featured a reception that started two hours late, after they were forced to change clothes in a parking lot. All class there. Anyway, the Real Housewives of Miami star insists that's not what really happened, claiming Bravo edited her affair to look way worse than it was. #yeahright

Plus Adriana said she was just really tired and that's what took so long. Starting with her bravo blog she's all about excuses. "All of those emotions added to the stress of planning a wedding, and I was literally crumbling down as my wedding day approached," Adriana laments. "My physical limit was pushed and I was very drained and feeling weak; just one hour before the wedding I felt like fainting and believed I wasn't going to make it, because I had no more strength to carry on physically."

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