It’s the moment we’ve all been waiting for (or at least that I’ve been waiting for…how sad is that?). TLC’s Sister Wives is going to fill us in on the secret behind Kody Brown’s divorce from first (and only legal) wife Meri. I can’t wait to see how they spin this situation. Like everything else surrounding the Browns, it’s sure to be extremely anticlimactic and involve some embarrassing lip sync performance. Let’s find out, shall we?
Because of the Oscars, it’s been two weeks since we last saw the Browns. The episode and season finale (finally!) begins with Meri meeting with her attorney regarding a split from Kody. She reveals that the family would really love for Kody to be able to adopt Robyn’s three children from her previous marriage, and in order for that to happen, she would need to be legally married to him. Aha! That’s it? She worries that should something happen to Robyn, the family would have no legal claim to her children. According to Meri, Kody and Robyn do not know she’s investigating this option. Her lawyer details the process–she and Kody won’t even have to go to court. There will be a ten day waiting period, and then Robyn can marry Kody. Meri’s only fear is that once all is said and done, Kody still won’t be able to adopt Robyn’s kids. After all they are a polygamist family and Robyn’s ex-husband would have to terminate his parental rights. Lots of variables there, folks!
On last night’s Little Women: LA, Christy McGinty and Todd Gibel get disappointing news about IVF treatment, Elena Gant’s mom arrives from Russia. While Elena pursues her fashion line dream, the ladies head out to see a little person comedy act, and yet another brawl ensues at Elena and Preston’s housewarming party. Can you guess who started the brawl? But of course, you can. It starts with a “T” and rhymes with…okay, it’s Terra. Duh.
Christy, Todd, Briana Mason, and Matt are at a carnival decompressing after last week’s mess. Since they’re not tall enough to ride the roller coasters, they settle for the more tam Tilt-a-Whirl and some games. Briana’s family is still concerned about Matt, but Christy’s assessment of Matt is good so far. Only time will tell on that front.
Were you prepared for that little twist on last night’s Mob Wives? Fraudalie? Ratalie? Who to believe? Why do they even care? That’s the biggest mystery! As the episode begins, Natalie Guercio is meeting Drita D’avanzo for lunch. Did Drita borrow that third eye cut-out sweatshirt from Tamra Judge? Big Ang arrives very fashionably late in long white coat that looks like it was stolen from a 70’s pimp or that abominable claymation creature in that Christmas show about the Land of the Misfit Toys. Is that Alpaca? Ang is rehashing the holiday party and how much Natalie DiDonato gets on her nerves. All Nat D. wants to do is bitch about First Natalie. Does she ever ask anything about Ang’s life? No. Ang doesn’t have time for that, and she reveals that New Natalie now has beef with Drita. She wants to talk to Drita about her inability to choice sides. No one likes a fence straddler.
Speaking of sides, the battle lines are clearly drawn as Karen Gravano and Renee Graziano convene at Fraudalie’s house to complain about Ratalie. Of course, everyone wants to discuss why Drita wasn’t in attendance at Natalie 2.0’s party. What’s with her loyalty to Original Natalie? Nat D. believed that Drita was no nonsense, but she’s clearly a flip-flopper. Renee admits that she’s finally in a good place with everyone and her friends can work out their issues on their own time. Finally, Renee is speaking some sense! Karen and New Natalie bond over how tough it can be to have younger boyfriends. Natalie finally had to ditch hers because he was too thirsty with other girls and she tended to get violent when they fought. She’s glad that’s over with, for sure! On cue, her ex-boyfriend bursts into the backyard and accuses her of lying to him. As they scream at each other, New Natalie starts pushing him and threatening him. Renee halfheartedly yells “you shouldn’t be doing this” from across the deck. After seeing Natalie D. go after her boyfriend, Renee is a tad worried about Drita, who is usually considered the fighter of the group. She may have some competition!
Last night on Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills we dismantled the rambles of Kim Richards, warbled together with the whir of the YoDa Private Aeronautic Experience (MyLoveAir) as Kimterrorization continued. Kim really needs to come with instructions if she’s going to act like Kingsley all the time! You know what they say: like mother, like Pit Bull! I hope Lisa Rinna brought her Louis Vuitton bodybag with her on this trip, because the way things are going – someone is gonna need it! Especially since the Fosters definitely roll gangsta in the trip department – shi, shi, shi!
Before we hit the high airs to Amsterdam, Yolanda Foster hosts a scavenger hunt around Beverly Hills. You would think an event about competitive shopping would be fun for our ladies, but Yo had to go ahead and ruin it by forcing them to wear sneakers and drink a milkshake.
Yolanda had custom made “Dream Team” t-shirts in a variety of colors for the ladies,. including extra-special throwback Camille Grammer, who was scoring points based on most pernicious behavior. Naturally Brandi Glanville was the champion of the world.
I’d like to channel my inner Australian and boycottAbby Lee Miller. Seriously, Dance Moms was never exactly a picnic to watch, but this is getting, wait, no, this IS absolutely ridiculous and almost unbearable. We last left off with a disastrous situation on the set of YouTube sensation Matty B’s music video. Melissa, when will you learn that you don’t sign a contract without reading it? Recording artist Mack Z isn’t getting billing credit! The producer pulls Melissa aside to share his conversation with Abby, and MacKenzie is going to be pulled from the video. NO! Abby bellows that all of her “clients'” cannot participate in the video. Holly interjects to remind Abby that the legal issue is that MacKenzie’s recording contract may render her ineligible according to Abby, but what’s wrong with the dancers? As their manager, Abby believes the moms must follow her lead.
Kira just wants her daughter to dance, as does some new mom whose name I won’t bother to learn…yet. Well, maybe all their daughters will ever be is just back-up dancers according to Abby. Jill caves to Abby’s bullying, and Abby cannot believe that Holly has once again stabbed her in the back. They are going against her team. Melissa thinks this is just another example of the other girls not getting the opportunities that her girls get because they refuse to follow Abby’s direction. Holly leaves the decision up to Nia, and Nia wants to dance in the video, as to JoJo and Kalani. The new moms recognize that Nia has the most to lose given that she’s an original team member.
Last night on Vanderpump Rules lies flowed as precipitously as questions of truth and all converged together at the mouth of a river named Jax Taylor. Or something like that…
While Scheana Marie is on a blissful honeymoon in Hawaii, back home at SUR (SUR is a city now) things are erupting into a civil war – a civil war that is the opposite of civil, of course.
Kristen Doute has been “blowing up” Jax’s phone with texts and phone calls insisting he tell “the truth” about Tom Sandoval and “Miami Girl.” Once, a very long time ago, when Jax was trying to look like boyfriend of the year to future pizza parlor dumpee Carmen Dickman, he disclosed to Kristen and Carmen that the tabloid stories were true: Tom 1 did play three minutes in heaven? hell? with Miami Girl. Jax has been trying to retract it ever since; putting Kristen off, telling her to leave him out of it and deal with it on her own.
But Kristen has been using this statement to zealously fuel her fervor. It has stoked her loins with future retribution, the little talisman she has carried deep in her heart, that there is a way to weasel in between the home wrecking hussy Ariana Madix and Tom’s future and re-seize him for her demented little self. You think I am exaggerating, but Kristen is like Golum with the ring in Lord Of The Rings.
Holy girl power, Bat(wo)man! Last night on Love & Hip Hop, the ladies were standing up for themselves, whether it was with unnecessarily gratuitous clothing optional model or pregnancy shoves. Estrogen was in the air for sure! Rich Dollaz is meeting with Jhonni about her recent apology turned smack down with Precious Paris. Jhonni hopes that Rich won’t find her at fault…after all, she came to the boutique at his request and with good intentions. However, if she’s going to take the heat, she hopes it comes delivered by Rich 50 Shades of Grey style. She warns him that if she’s put in that situation again, Paris will need a stretcher. Rich reminds her that she’s not a gangsta rapper, she’s an R&B performer. She’s a lover, not a fighter. She starts playing footsie with him under the table, and while Rich is adamant he wants to keep their relationship purely professional, he does invite her to sit in his lap for a proper lecture before following her home. Game over.
Ever since Yandy Smith decided that Mendeecees’ intern was her number one target, things have been a bit tense between the newly betrothed couple. She tells him that she met with Remy, and he’s frustrated that she won’t let him handle his own business. Yandy shares that Remy is trying to single-white female her by showing the Instagram outfit that Remy copied for their meeting. Mendeecees believes that Remy is just aspiring to be successful like Yandy, but he’s too tired to argue. He promises to have a talk with his new assistant about the importance of respecting his fiance.
So let’s raise a blood-filled glass to last night’s Mob Wives, shall we? Drita D’avazo and family are back from Disney World now that Lee is done with parole and was able to cross state lines. She reminisces with her daughters about their favorite memories from the Magic Kingdom. She encourages her girls to make a scrapbook for Lee so he knows how much he is loved and has a memory book of the times he missed while he was in jail. Drita coaches her girls on what to write and post, and she’s excited to surprise him with the pictures that will make him feel somewhat a part of their childhood.
After making up with her seahag friends, Natalie Guercio has planned a girls night with Drita and Big Ang to celebrate the fact that all is well in their friendship. Both Ang and Drita feel badly for ever doubting their friend. Natalie’s twins are on display, but Drita and Ang’s chest s are competing for the top spot. Natalie is glad that Fraudalie wasn’t able to negatively influence her friends. I am thrilled that now I have the nicknames “Ratalie” and “Fraudalie” to distinguish the Natalies. Natalie and Natalie 2.0 were getting too confusing!