Sister Wives Recap:

It wouldn’t be Sister Wives if the Brown family wasn’t getting together for a random dinner. Meri is hosting the family for a St. Patrick’s Day dinner, and Mariah is over the moon in her relationship with Audrey. Meri thinks Mariah’s girlfriend is a perfect fit in the family, and she’s glad her situation with her daughter is improving. The older kids all get along so well, and Maddie is about to pop at seven months pregnant. Janelle is trying to wrap her head around the fact that she’s going to be a grandmother. Kody snarks about the dinner spread, but someone wearing that denim monstrosity shouldn’t be so judgmental. He enlists Caleb to do the blessing because he thinks his son-in-law speaks from the heart even though he doesn’t believe in polygamy. Christine and Kody both admit to being close minded earlier in their lives, but they are now more welcoming to different view points. Mykelti and Tony arrive, and Tony just beat the hell out of Kody in the worst dressed awards. I can’t believe I went to watching the Oscar red carpet to the cul-de-sac fashion roundup!

Christine teases Audrey about her culinary skills as Meri unveils the dessert. It’s a store bought cake with a leprechaun and a rainbow. Meri jokes that the rainbow isn’t for the holiday but for her recently out daughter. Audrey rewards her with a high five, and Christine plans to needlepoint Audrey a rainbow pillow with the phrase, “It’s not about being Irish, it’s about being gay.” She needs to be selling those bad boys in My Sister Wife’s Closet. The parents discuss that the younger kids aren’t aware that Audrey is Mariah’s girlfriend, but the ones who do are very accepting. Robyn has told King Solomon, but he didn’t have much of an opinion since he’s four.

Survivor: Ghost Island Episode 1 and 2 Recap: Reverse The Curse

It’s a season that already feels like it will be full of big moves and important split-second decisions, but only one of the 20 contestants on Survivor: Ghost Island will truly be able to “reverse the curse.” Yes, Season 36 (I will forever put “!!!” after the current season, as I continue to marvel at this show’s longevity and strong fan base) is here and we are suddenly two episodes in! Well, it was billed a “two-hour” Premiere but it was technically the first two episodes back-to-back, so don’t be confused when next week’s Recap is of “Episode 3.” The details on what exactly is up with “Ghost Island” was finally revealed, and we got to know most of the 20 new players vying for the title of Sole Survivor this season. There is so much to cover, so let’s get to it!

As I do at the beginning of every Recap, please heed the following: Remember that this recap assumes that you have already seen this week’s Episode 1 and 2 of Survivor: Ghost Island, so if you have not and don’t want to be spoiled, please come back later! It’s important to add too that while we WILL hit on all of the important developments of the episode, this is not a linear “blow-by-blow” recap, and is more of a discussion and reaction of what we just witnessed together.


Kyle Richards

Sigh. Does no one understand Kyle Richards? It is so hard to be Kyle Richards. She is the most loyalist, kindest, most sincerest, genuinest, funnest, friendest friend on Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills but no one appreciates her. Especially not Lisa Vanderpump, who quite literally could hand Kyle her heart on a silver platter and Kyle would insist Lisa was lying while actually giving her a dog turd. OK maaaaaaybe that’s a bit dramatic, because LVP can also be frigid and oblique, but last night she really did, in her own way, hand Kyle her heart. Let’s see what Kyle does with it!

The ladies are still in NYC and Kyle continues to terrorize with her meltdowns. These people already have Kanye West and his fashions – don’t do this to him! On the way to the Malaaaaan Bretaaaawn show where Camille Grammer‘s daughter Mason is playing model for the day, no one spoke in the car. NO ONE. Even Lisa Rinna‘s mindless chatter couldn’t open the floodgates of argument.

Scheana Marie

Last night’s Vanderpump Rules was a matter of love and death. In the complete and utter trainwreck that is watching Scheana Marie transcend from Stage Five Clinger to total stalker and future subject of Snapped (or her own Lifetime Movie Of The Week). Jax Taylor was literally drowning (*well kinda) but Scheana was drowning in her own delusion and Rob Valetta is not about to be dragged under with her.

Thankfully Rob can swim perfectly, and amazingly, and better than anyone in the whole wide word even Michael Phelps, and he can also save people with his boogey board of life! Just ask Jax!

There was so much relationship dysfunction last night that the thought of looking through a Choose Your Own Designer Vagina catalog seems like the lesser of evils. Yes, that is a thing, but you have to be willing to travel to Thailand to get it installed… Do they make any that are STD resistant?

Sister Wives Recap:

Happy Monday, friends! I know it’s technically February, but the Sister Wives have made it feel a lot like March the last few weeks if you catch my drift! After opening their arms to Mariah’s girlfriend as Meri and Janelle fearfully (yet somewhat open minded-ly) participated in the women’s march on Washington, the focus has turned to a much more important cause as far as Kody Brown as concerned. He wants to make sure polygamists are granted the same civil rights as everyone else…including homosexuals who seem to be on a cake walk according to Kody.

In a tizzy, Kody has enlisted Christine to call together the wives. The law suit that the family brought against Utah in the wake Brown crew being forced to flee Utah for the Vegas cul-de-sac compound has been dismissed. Janelle, Robyn, and Meri are extremely emotional and ready to fight for their rights. Christine and Janelle are fearful to move back to Utah, and all of the wives cite they have been the most public polygamists fighting for their plural family. Most other polygamous families maintain in hiding. There is a new bill scheduled to be heard which makes how they are living a felony in Utah. Kody is ready to march on the state house to make sure this bill isn’t passed.

Marlo Hampton

On last night’s Real Housewives Of Atlanta, it was Porsha Williams who had a nervous breakdown in Barcelona, even though NeNe Leakes was the one battling demon ex-friends and roaches.

You would think after Kim Zolciak sent everyone – cast, crew, employee at the convenience store near NeNe’s house – a video supposedly showing roaches in NeNe’s bathroom, NeNe would be on a full-scale rampage. Instead she is calm and collected when she joins the ladies for brunch the next morning. It is everyone else who’s saltier than the hairy balls olives NeNe was scared to eat!

Love After Lockup Finale Recap: From Prison Cells To Wedding Bells

How do we say goodbye to a show that’s given us so much in such a short time? We’ve learned how probation works, what not to wear to a Crips wedding, that you can trade cell phones for heroin in prison, that “Meet An Inmate” websites exist, and (my personal fave) how to look up random convicts on www.offender.state like it’s a full time job.

Oh, Love After Lockup! You’ve given me so much, so I’ll repay you with this final recap. Goodbye for now, and we’ll see you again when WeTV rounds up a new herd of convicts and their delusional pen pals to light up our lives again. Until that day, I won’t forget you. Like Alla says in her creepy card, our love is truly UNDISTRUCTABLE.

Kyle Richards shocked

Alright so this is a cold day in hell because last night’s Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills had me feeling sorry for Kyle Richards. I was also Lisa Rinna bellowing across a bar “What happened?!” cause seriously I’d like to know how we got to the hot mess express and threw Kyle under?! Also, I am warning you: I have nothing nice to say about Dorit Kemsley.

The ladies are in NYC for Fashion Week and because Dorit has achieved the meteoric accomplishment of landing the cover of a magazine no one would’ve heard about were it not for Lisa Vanderpump previously landing a cover there. If you recall when LVP had her Bella Magazine party it ignited apology-gate with Eileen Davidson, and after Kyle and Dorit’s disastrous issues last night, it appears to me that Bella Magazine is bad luck for Real Housewives. It is better to be cover-less than covered in bad friendships!