Recaps

90 Day Fiance Recap: Parental Approval

Is it just plain naive to think that one couple on the train wreck of 90 Day Fiance could really, truly make it? Because I want that for Evelyn and David, young lovebirds who seem smitten with one another, are (somewhat) age-appropriately matched, and who share core values. Alas, the TLC machine might chew them up and spit them out by the end of season five, but until then, let’s pretend they are the real deal, okay? We need this!

In addition to Evelyn and David being introduced this week, we revisit the absolute sh*tshow of everyone else’s relationships. Nicole holds her daughter hostage goes to Morocco to further torture Azan, the other David (in Thailand) tries in vain to come up with enough scratch to pay for his bride, Annie. And Molly continues to delude herself into thinking that her much-younger fiance, Luis, is the love of her life – despite her eldest daughter’s protestations, not to mention her father’s warnings.

Zoila-Chavez-Blue-Cardigan-Making-Me-Bad-Quote-Flipping-Out

It’s the end of an era at Jeff Lewis Design – and for Flipping Out. Last night, we saw Zoila Chavez make the life altering decision to leave Jeff’s employment – forever – and despite her surly ways, I have to admit I shed a wee tear seeing the entire mess play out in living color. Her departure wasn’t good, but it was, in the end, inevitable.

After Gema, Jeff and Gage Edward’s eighth nanny, was fired last week, the household is reeling from a text the ex-nanny sent. She accused Zoila of working against Gage and sabotaging her at every turn regarding how she cared for Monroe. When Jeff questions Zoila about the specifics of Gema’s accusations, though, Zoila rails against the investigation. Since Jeff is too uncomfortable to actually face Zoila’s shadiness head on, he diffuses the situation by holding an impromptu mock trial. Megan Weaver, Jenni Pulos, Gage, and Jeff all laugh while they read the guilty verdicts one after another. Even the housekeeper, Laura, piles on. Although she initially laughs the game off, Zoila’s mirth quickly turns to anger.

Siggy-Flicker-Clapping-Dinner-Table-RHONJ

After last week’s premiere, I felt like the ladies of The Real Housewives Of New Jersey were finally bringing their A-game to Bravo. Like, maybe a producer sat them down and had a Friday Night Lights pep talk with them before cameras started rolling? Because the ingredient-zes in this year’s Sunday gravy seem just right! Maybe it’s the addition of powerhouse-in-pigtails Margaret Josephs, or maybe it’s the shock of seeing Danielle Staub’s face back on our TV screens without waiting for someone to spontaneously punch it? I don’t know. But I’m here for it!

Last night, cake-gate escalated into a mid-dinner walk out after Siggy Flicker called Melissa Gorga and (by proxy) Teresa Giudice trash. Danielle had a sudden bout of PTSD when she heard the T-word, railing against Siggy with all of the season-one angst she could muster. Dolores Catania continued to look like she’d rather be elsewhere, which kind of makes me question what she’s bringing to the table this year – other than an empty house and a fake storyline of he ex-hubby moving back in? And Teresa went to the beach with Margaret, Melissa, and Danielle to honor her late mother, Antonia, with a heart wrenching (but very sweet) flower ceremony.

My Kisses Are Very Private

Can you feel the love tonight on Survivor? Love, as they say, is a many splendored thing, and it was definitely in the air tonight on Survivor. But there was no love lost by the time we reached Tribal Council, where one castaway felt the sting of betrayal after succumbing to a brutal blindside. Yes, love hurts.

Please remember that this recap assumes that you have already seen this week’s Episode 3 of Survivor: HHH, so if you have not and don’t want to be spoiled, please come back later! It’s important to add too that while we WILL hit on all of the important developments of the episode, this is not a linear “blow-by-blow” recap, and is more of a discussion and reaction of what we just witnessed together.

CLICK THE CONTINUE READING BUTTON FOR MORE, AND THIS IS YOUR LAST *SPOILER* WARNING!

EJ Upsets Nico

On last night’s Below Deck one crew member went down, another almost sunk Captain Lee Rosbach‘s reputation, and a third got labeled a bitter Betty with the bad hair. Well, you can’t say these yahoos don’t try!

As they arrive in St. Barth’s, Valor is sailing into territory usually only charted by Real Housewives. It’s high season, which means multi-million dollar yachts, probably carrying celebrities and the stakes for keeping up with the Joneses – or the Falcons, rather, are high for keeping up. This is obviously foreshadowing, indicating that an ENORMOUS f–k up will happen. And who will go down. Duh, duh, duh.

Dance Moms 5

After waiting out a week on pins and needles, we finally got to see the Irreplaceables face off against their former teacher and the ALDC minis on last night’s Dance Moms. Before Abby Lee Miller can cause any drama, Ashlee steps in to yell at Camille for calling Brynn and liar. As the ladies scream in front of all of their fans, the mini moms pretend to take the high road as Jill tries to reign in a furious Camille. Holly believes Ashlee is doing anything she can to justify her decision to remain with the ALDC.

In the dressing room, new choreographer Ayesha expresses her disappointment in the group for pulling their solos. She is a member of the dance community, and it’s embarrassing that she wasn’t able to motivate the girls further out of their comfort level. They need to be more focused, and she admits that she would think differently of them if they came to audition for her. Kira interjects with a nasty comment, but Ayesha is adamant that the girls are being coddled. She calls them out for not even paying attention while she’s talking to them. In the real world of dance, they may only have thirty minutes to learn a new number that has to be stage ready for a Beyoncé show. They aren’t always going to have their moms to fall back on, and Kalani appreciates the lecture.

leah-messer

On Teen Mom 2, it’s more of the same and it seems like some issues will never get resolved in the long term. Jenelle Evans is still at war with mom Barb, despite the custody agreement that was supposed to make everything easier. Kailyn Lowry and ex-husband Javi Marroquin are in the same boat but instead of custody, it’s child support that is dragging out. Briana DeJesus doesn’t have a custody or child support issue yet but likely will in the near future since baby daddy Luis is starting to disappear. Chelsea DeBoer has plenty on her plate between wedding planning, possibly modifying custody and changing Aubree’s last name at Aubree’s request. Leah Messer has her hands full as twins Ali and Aleeah’s fighting escalates. That seems like a good place to start so let’s get going.

Leah is driving the twins to see their dad and they are in the backseat, slapping and hitting each other while they argue over sharing beef jerky. Once they are with dad Corey Simms, the fighting doesn’t stop as Aleeah catches a fish and Ali complains that she’s bored and wants to leave since she can’t really partake in catching fish at the lake. Aleeah reels one in and wants to stay, but they opt to leave and Corey has to break up another fight that starts the second they are in the car with one another. Aleeah is in tears and Corey knows she is acting out because she is getting less attention.

Vicki sits down with Tamra

On last night’s Real Housewives Of Orange County we saw a different side of Peggy Sulahian. A fun, light-hearted, yet conniving side! I think we were supposed to really care that Diko upset Shannon Beador in a game of karmatic husbands, but eh, I mostly care about Peggy’s recipes. But first, always but first, other stuff happened. And and that other stuff was another session of Will Vicki Gunvalson and Tamra Judge ever be put back together again? (My magic hate ball says: NOOOOOOOOOO, NEVER, EVER, EVER – JUST F–KING STOP!).

Ugh Vicki and Tamra. Again. I feel like I’m contractually obligated to write about how they met for coffee at a subliminally named place called Patch, even though we know they won’t patch anything up.