Recaps

Don't Be Tardy recap

OK, Don’t Be Tardy fans, last night was all about getting a crash course in what it means to be a free agent in the NFL. In layman’s terms (if you’re Brielle, please Google what layman’s terms means before going any further) a free agent is a player who is not signed to one particular team. In short, a player who is on the market, playing the field, trying to get that next gig, like Tracey on Tinder.

Guiding us on this little lesson will be the ever-optimistic Kroy Biermann (our free agent) and his still-not-totally-on-board-but-says-she-is wife, Kim Zolciak Biermann, as they go to meet with Kroy’s agent, Buddy. Normally, Kroy not being signed to a team would be stressful but since Kim’s stroke, she looks at the unknown of free agency as one big adventure. Unless that adventure involves living in Green Bay. Or Buffalo (haha!). Or having to live in someone else’s house with their furniture and toilet (paging Teresa Guidice for some much needed foreshadowing).

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Below Deck Recap

Last night’s Below Deck proved that old habits die hard. Case in point number one: Ben Robinson and Kate Chastain face off yet again amidst pressure to cook not one but TWO dinners for some difficult charter guests. Ben‘s irritability was no doubt triggered by other cooking matters though, as he spent a good deal of the charter making food for a dog. Yes, apparently Fido needs haute cuisine!

Case in point number two: Trevor Walker is a sloppy drunk who insults everyone and makes an a$$ of himself while Kelley Johnson practically tears his hair out trying to manage him. So, all is ship-shape up in here, Cap’n!

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Dance Moms minis

With the Dance Moms finally (FINALLY!) getting along and forming an alliance in the wake of Abby Lee Miller’s indifference for the elite team, Lifetime had to do something to stir up some additional drama. Enter the mini team with mothers who may be even battier and more hungry for fame than the veteran ladies. Last night, the little rump shakers came back with a vengeance, and their daughters were right there with them! 😉 I guess this means I have to make an effort to learn the mini moms’ names. Bear with me.

As the episode begins, Jill passive aggressively greets her her mini mother counterparts. “Oh, isn’t she the cutest?” while staring darts at a six-year-old…you know the drill! The veteran moms explain the recent antics surrounding Abby’s behavior, and Holly is hopeful that this week Abby will be able to balance giving the proper attention and direction to both teams. That wish is quickly dashed as Abby hobbles into a studio using a walker. She has recently had knee surgery, and while she’s in a lot of pain, she’s excited about the painkillers she’s been prescribed. This should be fun! At pyramid, Nia is present but sick with strep throat. How miserable! Before she reveals the order of the pyramid, Abby introduces Lilly and her mother Stacey. Stacey is a psychologist whose daughter has wanted to be an ALDC member since she was a newborn. Hmmmm. Does someone need a bit of self-reflection? Holly demands an apology for flipping the bird, and she takes it as a good sign when Abby concedes. 

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Shannon and David

Yikes was last night’s Real Housewives Of Orange County a mess! We all know Bravo loves a family drama, but David’s mother-in-law covertly, sniper from the side-style, attacking Shannon Beador while roaming the crowd at a place called The Blue Beet during her granddaughters’ rock star debut… Well, even I’m shocked!

There was a lot of ridiculous this episode. Vicki Gunvalson being utterly baffled that her children consider her a high-maintenance nightmare? Ridiculous! Tamra Judge truly believing herself a ‘peacemaker’. RIDICULOUS! Shannon micro-mom-aging her preteen daughters rock rehearsal, then taking OVER the microphone during practice to demonstrate for them. Ridiculous!

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Real Housewives of New Jersey recap

Season 7 of Real Housewives Of New Jersey continues to center around the transformation of Teresa Giudice. Flashbacks to the season 4 reunion feature an enraged Teresa, morphed into TreHulk – bright green dress and all! – screaming into Kathy Wakile‘s face, contrasted with a post-prison Teresa, calmly explaining that she’s just “not ready” to deal with the emotional weight of rebuilding her relationships with her cousins. Instead, it is Rosie screaming in frustration.  

It exemplifies a point that no one on Real Housewives of New Jersey seems to understand until it is way too late: no matter how much you want it so, no matter how much you regret your actions – from the person you married, to the words you said, to all the money you shouldn’t have spent – you can’t erase the past. In the immortal words of Cher, “If I could turn back time/If I could find a way/ I’d take back those words that hurt you…” 

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Nicole-Crying-2-90-Day-Fiance

Last night’s 90 Day Fiance took us across the globe to Morocco, where Nicole and Azan are finding out the unexpected places internet “dating” can lead – like deserts, no hand holding, and jail. Also, Anfisa laid down the law for Jorge, who has to decide if there can be romance without finance. (Psssst, Jorge: The short answer with this chick is NO, or rather, NYET!) 

In Morocco, Nicole is trying her best to pretend that Azan is in love with her. This is the first time the couple has met in person, so sh*t just got real! Nicole is staying at a local hotel for 5 weeks, but she’ll have to play by the rules. According to the Muslim tradition in Azan’s culture, there can be no public displays of affection, but Nicole tries her best to maul Azan in the privacy the hotel courtyard. She even sneaks in a smooch, which makes Azan look like he is going to faint. Not in the good way. 

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Flipping Out Season Finale recap

On last night’s season 9 finale of Flipping Out, it was the end of one era and the beginning of another. As Jeff Lewis and Gage Edward say goodbye to Zoila Chavez living with them, they make room for the new life who will be joining them all too soon. When Jeff and Gage see their daughter move on an ultrasound, that new era becomes more of a reality than ever.

Despite these emotional transitions, Jeff and the gang must still keep up their hustle. So they take a job with Real Housewives of Orange County star (and close friend of Jeff’s) Shannon Beador to decorate her new home. And her budget is HUGE!

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Little Women: Atlanta recap

After yet another food fight on last week’s episode of Little Women: Atlanta, this time at a party for Bri Barlup’s three year old son (yes, you are reading this right), Bri is trying to recover with some much needed family time. Amanda Salinas and Monie Cashette (one of the offenders) show up to see how Bri is doing. Monie sort of dances around accepting some responsibility for what happened but takes the easy road out when she sees that Bri is more upset with Ms. Juicy for bringing the Other Twins, who had beef with Monie.

Andrea Salinas is home and recovering from her recent C-section and getting as much help as possible from her parents while they are in town. Her parents have to head back to Texas and bring up the subject of Andrea coming back to live with both of her kids when Aubrey is out of the hospital. Andrea isn’t ready to deal with that big of a decision, so just leaves it on the table and says goodbye to her parents and son, which she hates doing.

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