Recaps

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Last night on Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills no one was “really f–king good”. Loyalties were spread around like warm patè* and at the center of it all was the condescending smirk of Yolanda Foster

I do not like my Lisa Vanderpump fighting with my Eileen Davidson. Unequivocally my two favorite Housewives, I demand they become friends. Eileen is my Spirit Housewife, but Lisa is the Top Seat in my Fantasy Housewife League. I don’t have time for all the over-analyzing required of choosing sides. I blame Erika Jayne-Giradi and by default Yolanda for this. Erika had an extremely brief moment in the sun, didn’t she? 

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Thank goodness Maddie was back on last night’s Dance Moms. She has to mitigate some of Abby Lee Miller’s crazy, right? Um, that’s to be determined. The ALDC welcomes back Maddie from her movie shoot, but Abby is quick to remind her that she didn’t garner the first place spot due to all of her gaps in training. Melissa interrupts to ask Abby if she saw Maddie’s segment on Ellen. Nope! Melissa reminds Abby she e-mailed it so she can still watch it. A dismissive Abby claims she’s too busy to take the time to view the three minute clip, and Maddie is clearly hurt. 

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On last night’s Vanderpump Rules it was The Wash, Rinse, Repeat Hour with Jax Taylor, but he is the stain you can’t remove! Unlike James Kennedy who was f-f-f-fired! 

Ariana Madix is in a funk. Is that funk is hanging out with Scheana Marie (who complains that Ariana hasn’t been there as much as Scheana needs her to be)?  Ariana carries a general malaise that can’t be cured by looking hot in a lace bikini! If shopping doesn’t work like Prozac, something is amiss! It’s not like Ariana is Stassi Schroeder, living on Kristen Doute‘s couch (no, no – not the one she banged Jax on while watching Drive, but more on that couch in a bit!). 

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Real Housewives of Atlanta recap

Love and regret were in the air on Real Housewives Of Atlanta! Kenya Moore was getting ‘Come to Jesus’ talks from everyone (and their wayward sisters), but she came correct with apologies. But, not without a few bad deeds first. We’ll await to see if the bad deeds or the ‘I’m sawrries’ were sincere! 

At the wrap party for Cynthia Bailey‘s ‘mercial (is she being charged extra for the ‘com’ part in the word ‘commercial’?), Super-Awesome Person Sheree Whitfield is at it again! After 8 seasons of living lies, She By SheBroke has had enough fakeness and lets Kim Fields know they were gossiping about Chris‘ sexuality. After a round shocked facial expressions, Porsha Williams points to Kenya as the one who spread the rumor. Sheree admits she, Porsha, and Phaedra Parks Googled Chris, and gay rumors are out there. Kim claims she’s never heard them, at least not from under the rock where she’s been living. 

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After last week’s Real Housewives of Potomac, I had renewed hope that this franchise had beaten all of it could out of its overplayed etiquette theme and was ready to set sail in deeper waters. Perhaps the first season kinks, which are inevitable in a new franchise with a virtually unknown cast, are just getting worked out? I remain cautiously optimistic!    

Karen Huger and her daughter Rayvin are taking a self defense class together in preparation for Rayvin’s days on the mean streets of State College, PA. Karen was mugged last year on her way out of the mall, and she lost her cubic zirconia diamond necklace in the ordeal. But the perp didn’t snatch her diamond ring. Why? She slid it down into “never never land.” (Can we never never hear that reference again, please!?) In order that Rayvin not meet the same fate of shoving rings into coochie cracks, Karen helps her practice her punches and pummels. She is not ready to send Rayvin out into the world yet, though, and chokes up when they talk of college being just around the corner. Karen knows her daughter is strong and will thrive, but she reminds her to kick anyone’s a$$ who threatens her safety. And just in case, she bought her a pink stun gun.

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Little Women: Atlanta Relationship REboot

Last night on Little Women: Atlanta Miss Minnie Ross celebrated her birthday and decided to turn over a new leaf. Meanwhile Andrea and Amanda Salinas struggled with loser boyfriends and missing home.

First of all, what are the twins even doing in Atlanta? They moved from Texas, Andrea leaving behind her toddler son, to make it as a twerking tiny twin act? Really? Thankfully Andrea and Amanda’s parents seem extremely unimpressed by their career goals. 

One thing the twins have accomplished is wreaking havoc on The Cheeks friend group. After Bri Barlup and Emily Fernandez learned that Minnie got the twins an interview at the club they twerk at, they decided to distance themselves. Since it’s Minnie’s birthday she wants to start fresh and invites Emily and Bri to lunch.

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Were you guys as freaked out by the previews for this week’s Little Women: LA as I was? Briana Renee hinting around about being PREGNANT with He Who Shall Not Be Named’s baby!? I need a power nap before I even hit play on my DVR tonight. This is going to be traumatic/exhausting/cray-cray! 

Before we get to the more shocking moments, Lifetime throws us a bone in the form of Terra Jole, Tonya Banks, and Elena Gant frolicking in a field, flying kites. Weird, yet somehow…comforting? Terra and Tonya tell Elena about the Briana confrontation that happened at apple picking, and how Briana promised to “think about” reaching out to her parents. Not really a promise worth its weight in cubic zirconia, but it’s all Briana was willing to say. Elena confesses she didn’t come to the apple picking because Jasmine Sorge’s face was there, and she didn’t want to see it. Terra encourages Elena to sit down and mend fences with Jasmine, but Elena is all eye-rolls and long sighs on the subject. She’s not ready. Guess who is ready to rekindle the romance with ex-boo, Kerwin? Tonya! She’s looking for love wherever she can find it, apparently.     

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I wonder if the ladies of Mob Wives remember that warehouse round-table where the vowed to leave their anger behind and not speak poorly about each other. It doesn’t seem like it! Renee Graziano is hopeful that the women are moving forward, and she’s hosting the group (sans Prissy Marissy) at a baseball game. 

Renee, Carla Facciolo, and Karen Gravano argue about the protocol of placing one’s hand over one’s heart during the national anthem…and they are having this debate during the actual national anthem. As if their loud banter isn’t disrespectful enough, Karen swears up and down that your supposed to put your hand over your heart during the Star-Spangled Banner, not the national anthem. It takes her the entire song–and prodding from Renee–to realize the songs are one and the same. Patriotism at its finest. Big Ang is looking great despite her recent tests to determine the mass on her lungs, and all of the ladies agree that their beef is extremely petty in comparison to what she’s facing. Drita D’avanzo arrives with Brittany Fogarty who is understandably wary about facing this group of hens after their last encounter. She’s hoping she and Karen can move forward after last week’s tense chat, and she invites the ladies to come watch her watch in one of the many shows that she’ll be walking in for New York Fashion Week. Wait, what? 

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