Recaps

Melissa Gorga opens Envy

Last night’s episode of Real Housewives Of New Jersey featured the opening of Melissa Gorga‘s long-awaited Posche revenge, Envy. A boutique dedicated to the many-splendored stylings of Melissa’s own taste. Teresa Giudice also proved that her and Juicy’s love is as real as the prison cell that holds them!

Poison Gorga seems to be confused both about which century he’s living in and that his life is not a 1980’s movie starring Arnold Schwarzenegger. You guys, men with sprayed on muscles DO NOT take care of their own children – they are not babysitters! 

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Shahs of Sunset Season Finale recap

This season of Shahs of Sunset has run the gamut of ridiculous story lines, some of which we have seen play out at an excruciating slow pace. The dissolution of Mike Shouhed and Jessica Parido’s marriage would be the first one that comes to mind. The breakdown of the friendship (again) between Reza Farahan and Golnesa “GG” Gharachedaghi would be another. 

Meandering and predictable story lines aside (ahem, another business venture from the High Priestess of ADD, Asa Soltan Rahmati), we did see one relationship on the fast track: Mercedes “MJ” Javid and lovable lug Tommy Feight.

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Flipping Out recap

With the good baby news behind them, the crew of Flipping Out needs to get back to work. That chrome and marble nursery ain’t gonna build itself! But Jeff Lewis faces a crossroads this week when he runs into trouble with a long time contractor. And Jenni Pulos is facing a crossroads of her own, but on a more personal matter. Oh, and Chaz Dean pokes his greasy head out of his hole again to get a little more camera time micromanage Jeff and Gage Edward.

Jeff and company are still living and working from Valley Vista, the never ending construction zone. Head contractor Frank explains some details of the demo, which Jeff appreciates. Frank has been Jeff’s MVP for the past 16 years. Gage thinks Frank is slow, but Jeff appreciates his ingenuity and creativity. A smart contractor who comes through is nothing to sneeze at. But lately, Frank’s wife Angelica has been running his business. This situation is no bueno for Jeff. He’d rather deal with Frank, and Frank alone. 

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Real Housewives of New York recap

Last night the ladies of Real Housewives Of New York headed to Miami. No one was very happy about it except for Luann de Lesseps who is eager for the opportunity to show off her amazing, transformational, earth shattering, soul mating love – again. Yes, I think the operative word is “mating”. With other Housewives that is! Which begs the question: are three Housewives better than one?

Since Bethenny Frankel‘s fibroids are acting up again, she couldn’t go to Hawaii, which means the entire trip must be canceled. That is some amazing Twatmatizing!

I understand why Bethenny doesn’t want to go, since sharks smell blood, but why can’t the other ladies go as planned? Bethenny can remain in NYC, get her surgery, and then launch Skinnygirl Tampons or something. We all know she doesn’t want to go, and none of the other women actually want her to go – except for maybe Carole Radziwill, who seems to have more fun sans Beth. Beth On/Beth Off – and Mr. Miyagi says you control your own destiny, Carole

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Little Women: Atlanta recap

On Little Women: Atlanta, the Great Wing Debate rages on.

In case you missed it, we ended last week’s episode with a puffed up Minnie Ross bringing her mom to do her dirty work at a meeting with Ms. Juicy. Minnie barely got in a few words of her own before her mom threw a whole plate of chicken wings on Ms. Juicy and stomped out. Now here we are, picking up the proverbial chicken wing pieces off the floor and wondering why a good plate of food had to go to waste (well, maybe you aren’t but I know I am). 

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Jasmine-Sorge-Pink-Robe-Little-Women-LA

Does anyone care about Christy McGinity’s supposed contusion/confusion/collusion anymore? Good! I thought so. Let’s move it along to other matters then, Little Women: LA, shall we? There are, like, 64 babies to be birthed up in here! On this week’s episode, we see Jasmine Sorge join the mom-to-be-party, while a pregnant Briana Renee digs her delusional heels in deeper defending hubby Voldemort Matt Ericson (Grundhoffer).  

After Matt forbids Briana from even telling her friends the location of hospital she’s in, she signs off from her jail cell. Elena Gant and Preston are staying out of this mess as much as possible, likely to focus on the birth of their twin boys and Elena’s precarious health (she was diagnosed with preeclampsia). Though some might fault these two for not getting involved in the Bonnie & Clydetastrophe, I say: good on ya! No one, and I mean NO ONE, dips their toe into that sewage pile without walking away smelly. Briana is not changing her mind about Matt, and Elena seems to understand this. Hey, she’s Russian! She read Anna Karenina…maybe.  

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Famously Single recap

Famously Single is chugging right along, like the crazy mess of garbage on fire that it is. Speaking of crazy messes, Aubrey O’Day is dragging her trapped love interest, Pauly D, to get his tarot cards read by resident bohemian priestess/supermodel, Jessica White. Just in case Pauly thought this might be fun, Aubrey makes sure to let him know if the cards don’t turn up favorable, he’s a dead man. Jessica starts displaying the cards and it turns up that they should have sex. Aubrey gloats but that’s short lived – a queen turns up in the cards and apparently, that means there is another woman in the picture. Pauly is saying he can’t date another jealous woman but sorry, Pauly, you’re already in too deep. Good luck with that.

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Heather Dubrow's World Live

Heather Dubrow‘s podcast was live from the Irvine Improv this week, featuring special guests Terry Dubrow (wait – I thought they never saw each other!?). Heather was so excited by the how many people came, but faux pas – they ran out of champs! “Someone needs to make a Costco run,” she joked (I think). 

Heather took questions from the audience about Real Housewives Of Orange County, meanwhile Terry dished on Botched, and his late rockstar brother. Then back in the studio Heather spilled the dirt on That Seventies Party, and if it was truly as bad as it looked! 

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