We start off with Sheree and Tameka at her house. Sheree is being very nice considering how Tameka has been treating her. Sheree brings up the jabs that Tameka has been throwing, and Tameka’s explanation for all of the jabs is that she says things before thinking because her brain moves so rapidly. Huh, say what. Okay, Bitter Einstein. So, let me get this straight. Tameka is basically saying, ‘I am correct in thinking those mean things about you. I probably shouldn’t say them, but you can’t fault me for that either because I only say them because my brain moves so much faster than everyone else’s, including yours.’ I think I got it, or maybe my brain doesn’t move that fast. *eye roll* Sheree offers to fix her up on a date. Tameka agrees as long as the guy’s pants aren’t sagging. Was that another jab? I’m trying to train my brain to keep up.
Atlanta Exes: Meet the New Ladies! This is the premiere episode of the spinoff of Hollywood Exes. This series introduces us to the exes of prominent men of Atlanta. So who are these newbies??? We have Monyetta Shaw, ex-fiancé to Ne-Yo, who is a singer, songwriter, and actor. Sheree Buchanan is the ex-wife of former pro-footballer Ray Buchanan. Torrei Hart is the ex-wife of Kevin Hart, comedienne and actor. Christina Johnson is the ex-wife of CeeLo Green, singer and coach on The Voice. And last but certainly not least,the former Mrs. Usher Raymond, Tameka Raymond. Usher is a very famous R&B singer. He has also tried his hand at acting, and coaching on the voice. He is also Justin Bieber’s mentor; I guess we can’t hold that against him. He has most recently called their marriage his “best mistake.”
We start at Tameka’s house that she once shared with Usher, and can I say that marrying well should be all the rage if it leads to houses like this. That house is the stuff of little girl and grown groupies’ dreams. Tameka gives us some background. She became Usher’s stylist in 2001. They married in 2007 after she divorced the husband she was cheating on. They went through a tumultuous divorce and a more recent custody battle which she lost. She has invited the women over for a packing party.
I know y’all have mentioned it before, but what say we pool our resources and donate to Lifetime so Dance Moms can get a new introduction sans the mother and former dancers who are embroiled in a legal battle with Abby Lee Miller. Is that too much to ask? Of course it is, just like it’s too much to ask for Abby to be kind to her students. After victory at a very suspect competition (were there any other dancers there?), Abby is hoping to find a replacement for Maddie in the event Sia wants her star student for every other music video she ever makes.
Not surprisingly, Abby brings in another new dancer to go head-to-head with Chloe. Jade will be dancing with the ALDC this week. Chloe is at the bottom of the pyramid for placing second in the solo division. We all know second is first loser. Nia follows for being the fourth in the top five. MacKenzie is third because her budding pop star status doesn’t give her an excuse to have poor posture. Maddie is second because, woohoo, she was in a Sia video that has allowed her to perform on Ellen and has been interviewed for Seventeen magazine! Kendall is on the top of the pyramid for winning the junior solo division.
Last night was the season finale of The Real Housewives Of Orange County and everyone was ready to move forward. I mean after verbally decimating each other again. Or if you ask Heather Dubrow “pugilistically” arguing! Yes, the highlight of the episode was when Mrs. Perfect Always Right used her vocab word incorrectly!
The ladies are back from Bali and one person truly embraced the spirit of reincarnation to shed all the dead weight (did the fish eat it?): Shannon Beador! She’s a whole new woman – she and David are even sleeping in the same bed. Despite her issues with Tamra and Heather, Shannon wants to move forward (catchphrase of the night) so she’s attending Vicki Gunvalson‘s party with positive energy and no hard feelings. If only… if only feelings were likewise.
Over at Tamra Barney‘s home for the grudge-holding, snarling biatches, she’s still spitting mad that she got called out. And ain’t nobody gonna escape her wrath! Tamra reveals that she took an earlier flight home to escape the girls and now she doesn’t want to go to Vicki’s party because Lizzie Rovsekis the devil in an ugly dress. In Tamra’s mind Lizzie is something from an R.L Stine’s Goosebumps novel (4th grade reading level!). She calls Heather, who is now totally team Tamra. Tamra has a million excuses for all the horrible things she has done and said – and how everyone else is worse; Tamra spins things more than my washing machine. But unlike my washer – the dirt isn’t coming out!
Gracious, help me! Last night was the season finale of Love & Hip Hop: Atlanta, and I don’t even know where to start…so I’ll just start at the beginning. Benzino and Althea are picking out invitations for their upcoming nuptials. Geez, ‘Zino is hoping for an invite that plays music, a la Hallmark’s finest. He reminds viewers that this won’t be the most polished event that VH1 will have ever hosted. The-The is plagued with coming up with the guest list, especially since the big day is a week away. Benzino is concerned that he may not have a best man since he keeps taking shots at Joseline Hernandez on Twitter and Instagram in retaliation for her threats to Althea. Stevie J. isn’t too happy with his friend calling out the Puerto Rican princess for being a ho. Since when is Instagram for fighting? My newsfeed hasn’t gotten the memo…it’s all first day of school and people dumping ice over their heads!
Tammy Rivera and Waka Flocka Flame are dining and dishing over their future family. Tammy admits to going to the fertility clinic with Waka’s mom Deb, but he isn’t too keen on the idea of participating in the doctor’s recommended exercises. When she teases about pursuing other options, Waka begrudgingly gives in and agrees to go see the doctor to make sure his boys can still swim. Across town. Mimi Faust goes to confront Nikko in the studio where he’s recording a song called–wait for it–Shower Rod. Wow. Nikko promises Mimi that he plans to get a divorce since his marriage bothers Mimi so much. She isn’t upset about the marriage anymore. Mimi is more concerned that Nikko may have leaked the tape and wanted to film her without her knowledge. This conversation isn’t going as Nikko planned. She cusses him every which way till Sunday before storming out of the studio. I love that Mona is promoting Shower Rod as the show heads to commercial break.
Things begin with Kim and Kourtney Kardashian discussing Khloe’s new love interest – French Montana. Kourtney is perplexed at who he is and also who Khloe’s new posse is that she is being photographed out and about with. Apparently Khloe has a posse now? I guess that’s one of the perks that comes with dating French Montana? #RapperLife I think Kim’s a little jelly of all the attention Khloe is receiving. Kourtney finds it strange nobody has met him. Kim finds it strange that Khloe would ever date a guy who isn’t black. Kourtney compares Khloe’s secretive behavior to her previous relationship with Lamar. I guess Khloe tries to not scare off her romantic choices by introducing them to her family too soon. Instead she likes everyone to meet at her weddings instead. #NoTurningBackAtTheAltar The girls come to conclusion that Khloe is just a shady lady.
This episode of Game of Crowns brought us back to the pageant-prep circuit. Leha Guilmette serves Lynne Diamante with a cold hard restraining order, Vanassa Sebastian gets a clean bill of health, and Lori-Ann Marchese convinces her husband that fitness and pageants are more important than having babies right now, thankyouverymuch. While we’ve barely recovered from Lynne’s 15th wedding a-la-gargoyle, onward and upward we must go, my friends!
Susanna Paliotta and Lynne are ready to be crowned as the next Mrs. Rhode Island U.S. and Mrs. Massachusetts U.S., respectively. These are the titles they won through the mail, according to Vanassa’s intel. Susanna shows up looking like she got caught in one of those toilet-paper wedding dresses that brides-to-be get at their showers, except it’s pink, while Lynne is wearing her best crushed velour. Susanna interviews that the Mrs. United States pageants are the Princeton of pageants. I’ll just let that sink in a moment. Lynne addresses the fact that she and Susanna DID mail in a fee and an application for the titles they are about to receive, so I guess Vanassa wasn’t off the mark on this one. The ceremonial crowning takes place in a wood-paneled back room of an IHOP and the audience consists of twelve hapless sad sacks who mean mug the ladies during the entire shebang. Princeton has really gone downhill as of late.
So Poison is in the garbage business. It’s not the type of garbage business you might think – like producing garbage songs for a wife who can’t sing or calling his sister garbage on national TV, but he actually bought some big garbage truck to recycle documents. Melissa wants to give the truck a makeover so it stands out and they get more attention for their business. Melissa suggests putting wings on the truck. And the slogan, “Going green gives you wings.” First of all, she stole that from RedBull. Second of all, I don’t know why she didn’t just glue some Melissa Gorga jewelry on it and blast “On Display” from the speakers while it cruises around town. Better yet, old J. Faux could dance on top of the truck! Third of all, what does the leasing agent from a car dealership have to do with Joe’s trash business?