Recaps

Jax & Brittany Take Kentucky Season Finale

If you’re still watching Jax and Brittany Take Kentucky, the train wreck of a spin off that gave us six episodes to tide us over until Vanderpump Rules starts again, then you probably saw the escalation of Jax Taylor’s bad behavior from a mile away. This week, Jax takes that bad behavior to a whole new level of douchy-ness, resulting in him blatantly disrespecting girlfriend Brittany Cartwright, her family, AND her friends. No one is safe when Jax has had a few tequila shots and feeling homesick for L.A.

We start the episode with Jax actually claiming to be enjoying his farm chores as he gets up early with Mamaw to feed the chickens and the cows. Mamaw is so impressed that this “city boy” is enjoying throwing some chicken feed into a pen and heaps a chicken’s turd worth of praise on him about what a man this makes him. I guess Mamaw is hurting for company since her standards are so low but either way, Jax seems to do no wrong in her eyes.

Real Housewives of Dallas Recap

The divide gets a little bit bigger this week on The Real Housewives of Dallas. There’s some crazy talk, but also a moment that looked to be out of Mean Girls: The Adult Years. One house husband won’t miss an opportunity to be on camera, and everyone can’t stop talking about LeeAnne Locken’s plastic surgeon doctor OBYGN cosmetic surgeon. Here we go –

Cary Deuber is alarmed because she’s only having sex with Mark once a day. They’re remodeling the practice and it’s all being put on Cary’s shoulders. She asks if it is okay if she runs to yoga and Mark suggests she keeps working. She wants to pick up her daughter after yoga and he ultimately allows her to “bail” on him again but not without making comments – so many comments. Cary is tired of battling Mark when it comes to giving attention to her daughter. This man needs to be brought down a peg or two, or three or four.

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For a few of the moms on Teen Mom 2, it’s been a long time coming for some big moments in their lives. Briana DeJesus joined the cast this season pregnant and still with baby daddy Luis but so much has happened in between, it seems like she’s been pregnant for years. It probably felt like it for her too!

Kailyn Lowry has actually been waiting and working for years to graduate college and this week’s episode shows that she is one step closer to walking across the stage to get her degree. Leah Messer works on a new dream of hers, while Jenelle Evans unexpectedly clashes with her mom Barbara, and Chelsea DeBoer takes her family on a Florida vacation.

Real Housewives of Orange County Recap

Last night’s episode of Real Housewives Of Orange County seemed to have a lot going on. Tucked under the little flaps of skin were a million hidden clues, and insinuations, and tepidly it seemed like some pretty interesting shifts were taking place.

For instance, suddenly Tamra Judge is annoyed with Shannon Beador. I say suddenly, but really it’s just that she’s suddenly like perma-annoyed. I get it, obviously – Shannon is a stage five clinger who’s hot glue-gunned to your ass like a sequined bikini in a fitness competition. Anyway, it’s obvious that Tamra is up to something big and she’s not quite aligning herself to anyone, is she? After complaining about Peggy Sulahian, she’s suddenly liking her?! “Peggy’s got balls,” Tamra tells us, smirking.

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Shahs of Sunset was a doozy tonight – as in, I feel like I did ten shots of tequila doozy. While Asa Soltan Rahmati was left out due to her non-sharing-of-IVF-planning ways, both Shervin Roohparvar and Mercedes “MJ” Javid were feeling the drive to do the opposite and put it all out there.

For Shervin’s part, he might be able to see the writing on the wall that alpha crew member Reza Farahan is willing to turn his back on his oldest and closest friend, all because she doesn’t want to tell a bunch of fake friends who call her baby a bastard how she conceived. But most likely, Shervin realizes that someone somewhere has some dirt on him and his cheating ways and it’s easier to fess up now instead of spending multiple seasons being accused, like Mike Shouhed. As for MJ, I’m pretty sure tequila (and a slow decent to complete madness) is what caused her to go off the rails and issue a pregnancy ultimatum to fiancé, Tommy Feight. Spoiler alert: when you issue a man an ultimatum of any form, especially one driven by alcohol and overdramatic, nonsensical tears, it usually doesn’t end well.

Flipping Out Recap: Baby's First Move

It’s time for Jeff Lewis and Gage Edward to move into their new home. So that means it’s also time to start epic fights with new neighbors in the driveway! On camera. Because this is Flipping Out, after all, and we would expect nothing less from our favorite OCD designer. Plus, baby Monroe’s screams are about to drive this faceless neighbor to the brink of sanity, so why not start things out with a bang?

After last week’s sh*tshow, Jeff and Gage are in a mildly more amicable place. Translation: Jeff has not called the lawyers to divide assets yet. We begin at Valley Vista, where dawn is breaking on the new fathers rocking their baby. Zoila Chavez is trying to help out, but she’s at a loss. Jeff is at least excited about moving back to Hollywood soon, where he thinks he’ll get some of his old life back. Earth to Jeff: You had a baby. You will NEVER get your “old life back,” dude. Embrace the cray-cray.

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Last night, we all got treated to a bonus episode of Teen Mom 2 and if you happened to miss it, I’m here to give you all the details on what went down.

Kailyn Lowry has waited six long years but she is finally finished with school! As much as she wants to focus on that achievement, Jo has a focus of his own and that’s getting 50/50 custody of Isaac in place. He calls his dad and explain that he tried to talk to Kail about the whole thing first but since she didn’t react well to that and refused to hear him out, he had no choice but to file papers with his lawyer. His dad hopes that it will be resolved before they even get to court but Jo doesn’t look so sure.

Dance Moms 5

It’s Dance Moms time again, y’all! I apologize for missing last week, but Irma left me without power…a small inconvenience given the magnitude of her damage, and our thoughts and prayers continue to go out to everyone affected by this recent rash of horrific storms. Abby Lee Miller is back (oh yea), the Ianas moms are still incredibly annoying (a feat given the company they keep), and Ashlee has a decision so big that it warranted a two-parter. It’s apparent I didn’t miss much in the hiatus, save for the grand dame’s return!

Chloe is leading her group number, and Christi wants to make sure she arrives early in hopes of allowing her daughter to avoid the ALDC. Little does she know, her friends won’t be competing because Abby has chosen the minis over her veterans. The mini moms are salivating to be in Abby’s spotlight. They remind Abby that she has been abandoned by her disloyal older group, and now she has a new group of bright young talent to mold. As the mothers talk over each other in hopes of garnering Abby’s attention, she barks that the minis just need to hope they make it through this week. Abby can’t focus on a future with these mothers and their girls until she runs through their solos. She screams corrections at the dancers and then calls Kate Gosselin 2.0 Hair over to dispose of her lunch trash. She happily obliges hoping Abby won’t notice her sick daughter isn’t dancing up to par.