I’ll never try to pretend Bravo’s motives, but Don’t Be Tardy has officially been moved to Thursday night, which means this week we were treated to a double dose of Kim Zolciak Biermann, Kroy, chef Tracey, and, of course, that cursing toddler! You’re welcome.
Last night’s episode begins with Kim greeting Shun while yelling at her dogs for interrupting her Instagramming. The dog in a cage should feel grateful it’s not being tormented by KJ. Kim complains about how hard it is to be followed by children 24/7, so she and Shun grab their solo cups of wine and retreat to Kim’s bedroom to discuss Shun’s lack of a dating life. Shun describes her perfect man, but Kim encourages her to think outside the box. Kim swears by “ask, believe, receive,” but she’s not so sure it will work for normal folks like Shun. She offers to set up Shun with her personal trainer–if he’s willing–before getting bombarded with balls being thrown at her face (there goes her social life! 😉 ) by KJ. She admits to be terrified of her three-year-old, and for once the Bravo viewing audience can agree with something Kim says.
Heather Thomson recently announced her departure from Real Housewives Of New York after three seasons.Heather holla’d her way into our hearts(?) and minds during season 5, following the dramatic firing of half the original cast. Despite being the new gal, the Yummie Tummie entrepreneur wasn’t afraid to speak her mind – even if the person she was holla-ing at threatened bodily harm with a pinot glass. (Or a prosthetic leg).
Below we recap Heather’s standout moments from Real Housewives Of New York. Of which there were many! From stormy St. Tropez (and Turks and Caicos) situations, getting toaster oven burnt, Avivalicious insanity, and more.
After Briana Manson dropped a stink bomb on the group last week that she and Matt are already married, this week’s Little Women: LA finds the ladies trying to shift focus back to Elena Gant’s upcoming vow renewal.
We begin at Christy McGinty’s home, where she shares with hubby Todd that Briana spilled her big news. Todd calls the situation “one of the most f*ked up situations I’ve ever heard in my life.” Yep. Even more f*ked up is the fact that Matt (according to Terra Jole’ssources) sent photos of his…uh, Matt Junior…to some random chic a few months back. Which Briana now flippantly writes off as a “mistake.” Todd wants to look up evidence of Briana and Matt’s marriage, so he employs his best googling skills to check out the actual wedding date: 4/19. This means, at the time of filming, Briana has been married FOUR MONTHS already without telling anyone. Does this also mean the d*ck pics in question were sent during a state of wedded bliss? Hmmm. Christy just feels betrayed that this lie has gone on so long right under her nose.
“The weather started getting rough,the tiny ship was tossed. If not for the courage of the fearless crew, The Eros would be lost.” Speaking of horrific storms, I can’t begin my Below Deckrecap without acknowledging the devastation faced by the people of South Carolina. While Charleston faced lots of flooding (a guy paddle boarded down my street at one point!), residents of the midlands suffered unimaginable losses. Several of my friends were evacuated from their homes, many assisted in rescues (navigating boats through their neighborhood streets), and countless folks lost their homes. Everyone jokes that South Carolina is such a small state–there is only one degree of separation between you and whoever you meet regardless of where they live in the state. Sadly, that means, that everyone knows someone affected by this tragedy. Please continue to lift them up in your thoughts as we pull together to help those who lost everything.
On last night’s episode, Emile Kotze is befuddled after receiving Raquel “Rocky” Dakota Bartlow’s middle school note, and he confronts Rocky about her immature means of communication. She retorts that she had to write him a letter because he hasn’t been picking up what she’s throwing down…which is massive amounts of teasing that she isn’t interested. Poor Emile retires to his cabin where he’s forced to listen to Dane’s late night phone conversation. Poor Emile just can’t catch a break! The crew is awaiting the charter guests as Captain Lee Rosbach calls Eddie Lucas, Leon Walker, and Kate Chastain to the bridge to discuss their next outing. The main guests are foodie siblings who own a business together. Leon is excited about getting to experiment with new dishes, but Lee is worried about the stormy forecast. In the galley, Rocky is distressed to learn from Connie Arias (via a frustrated and sleep-deprived Emile) that Dane has a girlfriend. Couldn’t he have shared that information with her before he massaged her feet? The guests arrive on board and are treated to a tour, who isn’t quite sure of the romantic dynamics of the newcomers.
The ladies of Real Housewives Of Orange Countyshould just become Sister Wives married to Brooks Ayers. Literally all they do is talk about him! Obsessed is putting it mildly. Unfortunately, Jesus is also being dragged into this. Save yourself Jesus, let “Saton” have the others.
According to Vicki Gunvalson, Satan (pronounced as “Saton”, which rhymes with Louis Vuitton) has infiltrated Coto and its surrounding enclaves (and Shannon Beador‘s anal cavity) to create confusion. Vicki say: Saton loves confusion! Saton say Real Housewives confused about being good friend. Yes, Saton is writing his own misfortune cookies now.
Let’s get this started! Briana is visiting, and since Brooks has been shipped off to a Motel 6 (or Jeana Keogh‘s abandoned storage shed), Briana, Ryan, and their sons are staying at Vicki’s. Home is where the heart is… unless Brooks is on the premises.
When this season of Love & Hip Hop Hollywood is over, I think the cast should tour together on a motivational speaking tour. I’m sure the ladies’ discussions on empowering women and self-esteem would be priceless…and I thought I was bad!
Moniece and her mother are working on their relationship, but Moniece doesn’t want to confront the past. She feels that her mother is judgmental and too hard on her. Her mom believes that Moniece’s priorities are out of line. Her daughter is too preoccupied with men and sex toys to put her son first. Moniece’s rattles off what’s important to her: music, singing, sex toys, Rich, working on her music. Um, what about son Cameron? Moniece tells her mother that she shouldn’t have to say he’s a priority…it’s a given. Her mom isn’t so sure, and she wants to meet Rich Dollaz before he’s allowed to meet her grandson. Moniece agrees, although she’s not aware that her mother plans to give him the third degree.
On last night’s Ladies of London, Julie Montagu decides the to keep her friends close and her enemies closer by extending an olive branch – of sorts – to Caroline Stanbury. Which Juliet Angus is not too pleased about. While Julie’s busy HSP-ing her way through a sales pitch to potential investors for her JUB business, Marissa Hermer is hoping Annabelle Neilson can wave some of her magic fairy dust over her own new venture, Top Dog. Meanwhile, the real queen of all things fairy dust and clouds and rainbows, Baroness Caroline Fleming, is basking in the warm glow of her blossoming romantic relationship with a younger man who has a very, very big…heart.
We begin with Juliet heading over to Caroline S‘s Gift Library to do damage control. She confesses that she told Julie about Caroline telling her she was going to “wipe the floor” with her. And – oops! – now Annabelle knows too. Caroline is pissy about Juliet starting more idle gossip, and comments that Juliet is a cave person who bashes everything up with a club, then walks away. Caroline demands that Juliet fix all of this before her sister in law, Sophie Stanbury‘s, upcoming birthday. Juliet will of course strap on her best minion overalls to do Caroline’s bidding.
Last night on Manzo’d With Children Bravo’s bootleg version of Cheech & Chong traveled to Colorado for a “Cannabis Tour.”
Businessman eccellenza Albie Manzo is marketing his grow-fast plant spray but business is “all about relationships.” Apparently spuriously calling pot growers from the phone in mommy’s craft room does not gain one customers.
Therefore Albie heads to Colorado with No. 1 sidekick Christopher. If you, in your mind, were imagining escapades, prepare to be disappointed. There were neither debaucherous hi-jinks, actual drug use, or attractive men boys.
Christopher envisioning that weed distributors are much like Tony Montana is bringing mace and a rape whistle. Albie tells Caroline not to worry: “If you ever want to see me get out of this house, this trip is my opportunity.” As Albie utters these ominous words, the beginning chords of The Beastie Boy’s ‘SABOTAGE’ starts playing in my head. Because… Newsflash! Caroline doesn’t ever want to see Albie leave her nest. Which is why he’s still eating off a monogrammed placemat and storing his sweaters in his childhood toy box.