So last night was the season two premiere of Southern Charm Savannah, and I’ll let you decide if it should have been #RenewedByBravo. After its weak initial run, the show didn’t get nearly the traction as its franchise flagship. Now, on the heels of an explosive and exceedingly popular season of Southern Charm, will Savannah be able to keep up any momentum? Only time will tell.
I know you forgot who these people were. Don’t feel bad, I did too. Allow me to provide you with a quick breakdown before the recap. Catherine Cooper will never hold a candle to the Kathryn Dennis comeback kid. You recall she turned down the proposal from her on-again, off-again beau Lyle MacKenzie to create some finale drama. Her bestie and mentor Brandon Branch joins the cast as a full-time player after many a cameo on season one. Hannah Pearson dates Louis Oswald. You remember them because she cries a good bit and has a lot of random ambitions, and he’s an overgrown frat boy with a sock collection and penchant for funneling beer. Daniel Eichholz is the hot guy who took over his father’s law firm and works hard to never offend. He’s minimal drama at best. You remember Happy McCullough…oh wait, you don’t. You don’t remember Hagood Coxe either, but, as opposed to the case with Happy, it’s because Hagood wasn’t a part of the cast last go-round. Ashley Borders was the resident society rebel who may have had a moonlighting gig at the baggage terminal for Delta. Caught up? Yeah, I won’t remember them next week either…
Lydia McLaughlin returned to use free advertising for the launch of her new magazine after a long hiatus to contemplating what Alexis Jesus would do as a Real Housewife, and Vicki remained – and remained on the outs with everyone. Heather Dubrow decided she didn’t want to expose her marriage to anymore speculative gossip and quit, so instead enter: Peggy Sulahian. Someone in casting was on Vicki’s Vodka that day!
No one can make mountains out of molehills like the women of the Real Housewives of Potomac. This week we’re back in France. The scenery was fantastic and the French were charming. But how can these women be at dinner and not showcase the food and wine? Personally, I could have done with fewer petty fights and more culture and scenery. Should we still be caring about Monique Samuels’ guest list offending Gizelle Bryant when she wasn’t even at the gala (which was months ago)? I vote no, but obviously, some thought otherwise.
We begin back at the hotel lobby where the argument between Gizelle and Karen Huger continues. Surprisingly, it’s Candiace Dillard to the rescue. She drags Karen out of the hotel and into the awaiting black van like she’s in some James Bond movie.
Since we were gifted with a supersized episode of 90 Day Fiancé: Happily EverAfter for last night’s season finale, there’s a lot of dirty, filthy, stinking laundry to unpack. We haven’t quite seen the last of our six very troubled couples since they’ll be back next week and the week after for the Tell All Reunion, parts one and two. But this is possibly the last time the TLC camera crew will catch them in their natural habitats – from warehouses to flophouses to Moroccan sidewalk scenes where Nicole is about to get locked up abroad. Ah, memories.
Given the length of the episode (with many a flashback) – and my desire to not make you read a Moby Dick length recap – I’ve distilled each couples’ story down to their personal highlights reels. Or, um, lowlights – as the case may be. Here we go!
After last week’s epic throwdown between Pedro, Nicole, and THE ENTIRE FAMILY CHANTEL, we deserve to see the horrific aftermath – including the table of food that Pedro karate kicked. Mother Chantel waving around Nicole’s hair extensions while she decries Pedro and his sister as “very bad people!” is just the beginning of what’s to come. Will Chantel threaten to leave Pedro? Will River attack another innocent light fixture? It’s anybody’s guess, really.
Tonight’s three-hour finale will be the last we see of our couples from 90 Day Fiance: Happily Ever After until the two-part Tell All Reunion begins airing next Sunday. And pssst: Don’t forget that season two of Before The 90 Days is set to premiere Sunday, August 5th! So, we’re all set for Sunday night trainwrecks for the foreseeable future. Phew. (I was panicking there for a second.)
Were you suffering from Southern Charm withdrawals last week? I know I was. While the last episode gave us friendship and butt crack, last night was all about drama and formality. It certainly delivered, although Bravo sure knows how to gloss over current events, doesn’t it?
Craig Conover is still living like a college student (and that statement is an insult to college students), and he welcomes Cameran Eubanks into his halfway house. She’s critical of the space, which is well-deserved, but she puts on airs when she sniffs the box wine he offers. She grills him about practicing law, but he counters that he’s yet to be sworn into the bar. He’s still working on the Character and Fitness portion of the application. As someone who went through this a while ago, the bar is basically making sure he doesn’t have an errant DUI (a regular one is fine…I don’t know that first hand, but I have some friends…) and isn’t an ax murderer. Clearly, Bravo reality whore ranks up there as a reason one wouldn’t be fit to practice law–in South Carolina. That’s a hard feat given the lawyers I know! Craig claims his pillow business is thriving, so attorney ethics benchmarks be damned! He presents Cameran with a bunch of pillowcases that he just needs to stuff before fulfilling his orders. She, like the rest of America, wonders what he’s waiting for with his sham empire. Was sham empire a pun? I didn’t think so until I typed it! She poo-poos his pillow situation as a distraction. Craig needs to focus on one thing. Isn’t he seeing a life coach? Craig admits that he stopped returning his life coach’s calls. Why can’t he take accountability? Craig reveals that Naomie Olindo may not have been wrong in labeling him a drifter.
Okay, let’s do this. We start with Ben Rimalower and Billy Stritch walking Luann through her talking-while-singing-while-snapping version of “Money Can’t Buy You Class.” Luann is taking her upcoming cabaret show #CountessAndFriends very seriously – so seriously, in fact, that she’s bringing Sonja in on the act. Because when you think, “I need this act to be classed up a little bit” you naturally think of the woman who lounges in her own filthy bed surrounded by plastic tarps as she sniffs yesterday’s underwear. Enter: Lady Morgan.
So last night the crew of Below Deck Mediterranean was in beautiful Capri where the setting couldn’t be more perfect for backstabbing, complaining, and 30th birthday parties.
Adam Glick and Hannah Ferrier live in parallel worlds where each believes they’re single-handedly responsible for successful charters, so when the primary winds up in the kitchen asking why dinner is taking so long, Adam sears Hannah with his angry eyes. It is HANNAH’S JOB to read minds of the guests, and assuage those minds like one kneads bread – and no one who isn’t clad in a Motor Yacht Talisman polo (or crocs!) should enter his teeny overheated prison of fishy smells and fishier business.
For once, though, just for once(!), it is not Hannah’s fault. Hannah actually had given Adam a 10-minute warning, but the guests decided 10 minutes was too long after they’d already been waiting an hour for the slow-to-get-dressed member of their party. It’s that lady’s fault, not Hannah’s.