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Recaps

Emily Simpson's marriage in trouble on RHOC?

Last night’s Real Housewives Of Orange County was a lesson in marital “How Don’ts.” An exhibit of the worst kinds of marriages and men: The exes of Tamra Judge and Shannon Beador, the Davids, the Simons, and now the Shane’s Oh my! Emily Simpson may have joined this show thinking her quirkily unconventional G-Chat love story was a modern day romance of surrogacy and women who earn equally to men, but one wrong outburst and the house of Hallmark cards came crumbling down on national TV. Shane should’ve known better than to join this show – after all, he hates loud women.

While some of us (ahem, David) think Shannon is too much to handle, she’s just getting started! Which means launching a low-fat food business on QVC so we can all continue on the “weight journey” with her. If eating like Shannon gives you Shannon’s life, I’ll stick to eating cookies! 

Emily Simpson - RHOC season 13

The only thing that assaulted my senses more than Gina Kirschenheiter’s voice on this week‘s Real Housewives of Orange County was Shannon Beador’s poker suit. However, what truly grated on my last nerve was newbie Emily Simpson’s husband Shane harping about how loud Gina was. His wife threw a poker party that included shots of Fireball as part of the place setting which was being filmed for a reality show. Did he expect demure whispers? He surely knew what his wife was signing up for when she joined the cast. Annoying.

On the other hand, should Emily even be a part of this cast? From my perspective she seems far too intelligent and normal to roll with this crew. Even her take on Gina’s foul mouth and Shane’s whining is measured, mature, and gracious. Her legal background is going to serve her well on RHOC—well, it likely won’t help her deal with the other orange wielding wackadoos, but it will be beneficial to viewers who want to read a well-written blog that isn’t fraught with typos and horrible grammar.

Real Housewives of Potomac Recap

The winner of tonight’s reunion of The Real Housewives of Potomac was a guy named Chris. You can choose which one, Big C or Little C, but both came out of this gathering unscathed which is not an easy thing to do. However, those with the last name of Huger or Darby did not get off so easy. We start back where we ended last week with Karen Huger falling apart backstage and Gizelle Bryant doing her best to comfort her. We saw this already, so let’s jump in when Gizelle gets back to the couch.

Gizelle tells the group that Karen feels alone because of her parents dying so recently and so close together. Gizelle feels terrible and gets teary just thinking about what Karen must be going through. Once composed, Karen returns and tells the group she doesn’t want any sympathy. Robyn Dixon speaks for everyone when she says that Karen deserves it, and Ashley Darby says to Karen that she’s sorry for her loss. Karen accepts their condolences with grace and it’s time to move on to something a little more fun.

90 Day Fiance Before The 90 Days Recap: Blindsided

At a time when many of us can’t seem to agree on a lot, we can all come together to shake our heads and laugh our booties off at the good folk of 90 Day Fiance: Before The 90 Days. Last night, six couples continued their journeys – some abroad, and some right here at home, perched awkwardly on the trunk of a tree. As one does.

Before we get to that particular Connecticut/Amsterdam disaster, we catch up with Ricky first, who is still waiting for “Melissa” and for fanny packs to come back in style. He sits at the restaurant, two hours past their appointed meeting time, convincing himself that “Melissa” just needed some extra time to straighten out her hair/outfit/cover story.

LeeAnne Locken & Cary Deuber Make Amends On RHOD

Season 3 of Real Housewives Of Dallas opened with everyone willing to make amends with LeeAnne Locken like all the crazy threats of last season didn’t happen. Unless thy name is Brandi Redmond it’s time to move forward in Dallas.

The episode begins with the most wonderful news! After trying to get pregnant and suffering a miscarriage Brandi and her husband Bryan have found the needle in the haystack: a red-headed, green-eyed baby up for adoption. Actually, Stephanie Hollman found him through her friend’s adoption agency. The details of this are fuzzy, like was this baby just sitting around? But essentially Stephanie texted Brandi asking if she wanted to adopt and Brandi’s reply was “Human?”

Bruin is in fact human. And he manages to also humanize Brandi. The second Brandi met him he grasped her finger and wouldn’t let go, and she knew it was meant to be. It does sound absolutely perfect.

Real Housewives Of New York Recap: Life Is A Cabaret

Not even a cheesy cabaret show can mend the broken friendships of this season’s Real Housewives Of New York, but damn if Luann de Lesseps didn’t try! Or, maybe not. Because she didn’t invite Dorinda Medley’s main squeeze to her big show, which created rift #426 between them. Instead of battling with Carole Radziwill again, Bethenny Frankel finds herself at odds with Ramona Singer, who calls Beth out for not supporting women. Or woman, in Ramona’s case.

Before we get to Luann’s show, we pop into rehearsal where the Countess is hashtagging-and-friending her bootie off at the microphone. Ben Rimalower cheers her on, even when Sonja Morgan and her oft-stripping self is discussed. As long as Luann doesn’t have to play snatch guard tonight, she’s fine with Sonja pulling whatever antics she has in mind. And I think we all know what those antics are. (Please see footage of Sonja showing her ass on upwards of 12 episodes, seasons 3-10.)

Real Housewives Of Dallas Season 2 Recap: Catch Up On The All The Feuds, Friendships, Drama, And Mayhem!

Yay me – I get to recap Real Housewives Of Dallas this season and I am a huge fan. I’m a rooter for the underdogs, what can I say (I also liked Real Housewives Of Miami).

For season 3 Brandi Redmond (thankfully not talking about poop), Stephanie Hollman, Cary Deuber, LeeAnne Locken, D’Andra Simmons, and Kameron Westcott are all returning.

So before we dive into this season of carnie craziness lets recap all the highlights, lowlights, feuds, and dramas from last season. 

Brooke confronts Hannah

Last night on Below Deck Mediterranean, Hannah Ferrier finally got called out for being all talk no work, but that doesn’t mean she developed ethics. No, ma’am!

I don’t know why Hannah is so uptight about being called materialist. I mean, basically, all she talks about, except when she’s complaining about how overworked, tired, and exhausted she is, are her possessions. You’d think a woman who prefaces the description of every item she owns with a whiny “It’s EXXXPENSIVEEEE (to be me)” would happily revel in being described as materialistic, the way a Kardashian does. This is akin to calling them saint-like and altruistic. They have punted right over the top of the Maslow’s hierarchy of needs to plonk a gold star on top.