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Vanderpump Rules

jax taylor gets a nose job

Last night on Vanderpump Rules it was the the Grownups VS. Real Grownups. The latter, a cult led by Stassi Schroeder. Immediately upon entering your fashion IQ drops at least 20 points. On the other hand, the Grownups is led by Scheana Marie Almost Famous and you basically need to be brain-dead (or Jax Taylor) to gain entry at all. But they are friendship tattoos!

Straddling the middle is Tom Schwartz. He so badly wants to be a Grownup, but Katie Maloney has him trapped in an invisible net - no one believes him when he reports himself as missing and kidnapped to the police. 

Here’s what Grownups do: they have panic attacks at their bartending job and flee the scene, sobbing. Here’s what Real Grownups do: they sit in a  corner hate-watching a group of people and passive-aggressively snarking on them behind-their-backs, but never actually say anything to their faces. You know, kind of what I do while I watch this show! The grownup is real, the grownup struggle is realer. 

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lisa vanderpump with jennifer lawrence at her restaurant PUMP

While some people are hanging out on twitter hate-tweeting, Lisa Vanderpump is hanging out at one of her three restaurants with A-listers! Jennifer Laurence swung by PUMP this weekend where she had drinks and dinner with friends and then re-enacted Vanderpump Rules to awesomeness! 

Jennifer, a longtime Real Housewives fan, strolled into the restaurant and was seated at a regular table. When Lisa, who was dining there for her birthday, spotted J.Law she immediately moved Jennifer to her personal table at the center of the garden. 

Jennifer and pals drank Pumptinis and LVP Sangria all night and then posted a hilarious instagram spoof of the Vanderpump Rules cast. Let’s hope the newly single Jennifer took one for the team and hit on Peter Madrigal

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RHOBH season premiere

This week’s reality TV viewer numbers are in – my favorite housewives show, Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, kicked off its fifth season with 1.995 million viewers. For comparison’s sake season 4 premiered to 1.6 million and averaged 1.8 million viewers in the end. Will RHOBH S5 stay ahead?

Real Housewives of Atlanta and Vanderpump Rules lost viewers this week. Apollo’s confession on Real Housewives of Atlanta was must-see TV for 3.595 million and a Stassi and Scheana show down on Vanderpump Rules garnered 1.290 million viewers.

Love & Hip Hop Hollywood and Kourtney & Khloe Take The Hamptons gained viewers this week. The never ending relationship drama on Love & Hip Hop Hollywood attracted 2.745 million viewers and the bad acting on Kourtney & Khloe Take The Hamptons garnered 1.828 million viewers. 

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scheana marie and stassi schroeder

Scheana Marie just always hopes things will different. She just always hopes that her lovely co-stars on Vanderpump Rules will be better people than they are … you know sort of like she is! And Scheana is great – so great Stassi Schroeder is jealous of all the amazing things happening in her life. Definitely jealous of her singing career

Stassi has outgrown everyone now, but Scheana, bless her heart, doesn’t understand what happened – Stassi used like her, right?! Wrong – what happened was that Stassi never liked Scheana or cared about her – but Scheana just doesn’t get it. She just wonders if Stassi wants her life?!

“I would never want to say that someone’s jealous of me and sound conceited but I think that everything I’m getting in my life right now is what she’s looking for,” Scheana explains. “So I think she’s maybe jealous of where my life’s going because she wants nothing more than to get married and have babies and have that happy life.” I think Stassi is just jealous of Shay, that magical, majestical manlump. 

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james kennedy is re-fired from sur

Last night on Vanderpump Rules, some people could not move on. There they were, frozen in time, unable to let go, as they swam through the Cocktail Of Denial.™ Somehow I think that should be SUR’s signature drink.  

Oh Lisa Vanderpump – so kind, so forgiving, so understanding… WHY?! Stop That! Do not let them grovel in their Jax Taylor knitwear, bearing letters they begged their mothers to write in elegant calligraphy – you fired that Sangria-theiving James Kennedy, now stick to it! In the reoccurring theme of SUR, no one who is fired stays fired. Kinda like no one that has broken up stays separated for long. Case in point, Kristen Doute groveling to Tom Sandoval over a cable box and some ratty old clothes she got from Stassi Schroeder‘s goodwill box labeled: The Thin Days (Stassi looks great –  I’m only joking about her referring to her “love pounds”). 

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lisa

Lisa Vanderpump stopped by Watch What Happens Live to chat with Andy about tonight’s episode of Vanderpump Rules and tomorrow night’s premiere of the new season of The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills.  

They start off with small talk about Vanderpump Rules and Tom Sandoval and Jax Taylor making up so quickly after last season’s cheating lies.  Lisa jokes a little aboout how dirty Tom and Ariana’s apartment is.  They then talk about the new season of Beverly Hills, which kicks off tomorrow.  Lisa says this season is much better energy than last season.

Vanderpump Rules - Season 3

Vanderpump Rules loves a to dismantle a good (OK, horrible, no good, very bad) relationship, and this season will finally give Katie Maloney and Tom Schwartz the opportunity to let their love be called into question. Oh goody! But first Katie questions whether or not James Kennedy is with Kristen for the right reasons… is it TV he loves, or Kristen Doute?!

Katie is hoping Tom 2 will propose, but Tom 2 seems to have a different agenda! And lucky for them, they’re not escaping the rumor mill that is Kristen SUR! 

“There are some pretty scandalous rumors that begin to surface surrounding Tom and myself so that really sends us on a bit of a roller coaster,” Katie admits. “Our relationship was really, really tested this summer.”

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Kristen doute launches t-shirt collection

The Bravo Home Shopping Network is at it again! Vanderpump Rules star Kristen Doute announced that she will be creating her own fashion line, starting with a t-shirt collection. 

Somewhere Stassi Schroeder, regretful fashion blogger, has her chinplant exploding!

Kristen is partnering with designer James Maeco to produce a new line of t-shirts called James.Mae. The first same of which she debuted during her appearance on WWHL last week. It reads: “You’ve got me hanging on to a word, for a moment, by a thread.” 

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