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Last week on Top Chef Seattle, the cheftestants harvested fresh oysters and cooked for the Rat City Roller Girls. While everyone wished they could have voted Josie Malave off the Top Chef island, Bart Vandaele was eliminated for serving beyond bland food. I told those suckers that they'd regret not letting Josie sink in the mud, but they didn't listen to me.

This week's episode opens with Sheldon Simeon sharpening his knives and Stefan Richter slathering on wrinkle cream. Funny. Padma Lakshmi introduces this week's special guest, master blade smith Bob Kramer, who makes custom knives that sell for $500 an inch. That's crazy!
 
Bob cuts through two ropes to demonstrate just how awesome a $4,000 knife is. Sheldon begs to give him a hug; Lizzie Binder appears as if she hasn't slept in weeks; Stefan doesn't look too impressed. Perhaps Stefan would have cracked a smile or raised an eyebrow if Bob had busted out $4,000 wrinkle cream.
 
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kim kanye

As if Kim Kardashian and Kanye West procreating wasn't enough, now there is even more disturbing news.  I don't even know how one correlates with the other, but perhaps if I type it quickly, it can get out of my head equally as fast.  Or not.  There are just some things you can't unread. 

Here goes nothing!  So, now that Kimye is having an aby-bay, ales-say for her ex-say ape-tay have gone through the roof.  Seriously?  Nothing says "congrats on the bun in your oven" like purchasing a video of the mom engaged in some nasty, nasty sexy times.  Nothing people do surprises me anymore.

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**EXCLUSIVE** Joanna Krupa and Romain Zago enjoy the first day of 2013 together on Miami Beach

Are you looking for a little inspiration to help you stick to those weight loss resolutions? I don't know about you, but seeing Joanna Krupa frolicking on the beach, showing off her amazing bikini body is enough motivation for me! 

The Real Housewives of Miami star splashed around in the water in her turquoise / mint bikini and then cozied up with her fiance Romain Zago at Miami Beach on New Year's Day. 

The couple enjoyed a few days of fun and sun before they had to get back to work.  Joanna Tweeted, "Really sad its my last nite with @romain_zago. The fun is over back to reality and work. Gone for a month to film top model."

 

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Photo Credit: Photograph: Brett Kaffee/Thibault Monnier, Jeff Steinberg / PacificCoastNews.com

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In a controversial move, NBC's The Biggest Loser is tackling something new this season that has a lot of people talking.  I guess that is the whole point of controversial moves, right?

For the first time in the reality show's history, it will be focusing on childhood obesity.  Three young adults will be participating in the program, and trainer Jillian Michaels will be returning to assist the two teen boys and one teenaged girl get their lives back on track with a healthier lifestyle.

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Kyle Richards sighted with daughter Portia at her upscale fashion retailer store on Brighton Way in Beverly Hills

I still haven't forgiven Kyle Richards for being the worst dinner party hoster ever, siccing her pitbull Faye Resnick on our girl Brandi Glanville, but I couldn't resist the cuteness that is little Portia Umansky and not post this set of pics. 

Kyle and her mini fashionista were spotted hanging out at her store in Beverly Hills, Kyle by Alene Too.   Portia was playing runway model, trying on the goods and striking poses for the cameras.  Take a peek at the impromptu photoshoot below! 

 

P.S. Brandi, if you get invited to any birthday shindigs this month by your RHOBH co-star, we have one word for you: decline, decline, decline! 

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Photo Credit: PNP/Wenn.com

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Can I get a slow clap for Chad Johnson Ochocinco Johnson Johnson, please?  The man is unbelievable.  Not only has he been shuffled around the NFL before being fired, he's a literary master at making pizza box metaphors, a D-list playboy, a head-butter, and a reality star who knows that there is no shame in needing subtitles when asking his then fiance Evelyn Lozada how she feels about a threesome.  There is something about that level of shamelessness that deserves some sort of credit.  And gag.

As you all know, Chad can also add amateur porn star to his stellar resume.  Someone leaked a sex tape of Chad and a tatted mistress doing the dirty, and said video was leaked by some media outlets.  Wow, Basketball Wives' Evelyn is certainly a lucky lady as she and her former husband continue to "work on themselves."

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lisa-vanderpumprules

Lisa Vanderpump is about to go out on her own when Vanderpump Rules premieres next Monday. Despite the new show, Lisa has no plans to leave Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. “Yes, I am still a Beverly Hills Housewife!” she assures In Touch Weekly. 

As for her spinoff, Lisa says hard work and dedication are what made Bravo deem her worthy. It had absolutely nothing to do with fan love? “They wouldn’t have given me a spin-off that just shows me sitting on my fat butt at home,” Lisa says.

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