Last week's episode of Princesses: Long Island ended with Ashlee Whitepoofing into thin air. I don't know about you guys but I've barely been able to sleep, eat, or care for my children. Worry consumes me! What if bad people kidnap Ashlee and force her to eat mixed cheese? What if she breaks a heel? What if Ashlee's parents hightail it outta Long Island before she's found? Who will care for little orphan Ashlee?
Thankfully, Chanel Omari is on the case, looking high and low for Ashlee. Mostly low. Winery employees can barely contain their smirks. I have a feeling they couldn't care less about Long Island's precious little snowflake. They're clearly bad people. Meanwhile, Chanel sobs, "All I can think about is, what's happening to her right now?" I know. I know! Cheeses, heels, orphans, it's all too much to process at once. Chanel adds, "I can't think about losing Ashlee forever." It's like she can read my mind!
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So, I'm not sure if you're aware, but the big gossip surrounding Princesses: Long Island is Joey Lauren's "persecution" of Ashlee White. HAHA. Ashlee is delusional – with a capital D – and her take on her ongoing feud with Joey is hilarious. Did you know Joey went after Ashlee at Amanda Bertoncini's white party? For no reason, Joey angrily screamed at Ashlee, "Nobody's on your side!" Is this bish for real? Her little recap leaves out the part where she tells Joey that none of "her" friends like her just to hurt her feelings.
"Love your enemies," advises the little wise one troll. "Just in case your friends turn out to be schmucks."
Am I sleeping? Is this a nightmare? I need a break from Ashlee – who's next? Ah, obnoxious Amanda and her speech challenged sister Taylor, of course. Bravo clearly has a mean spirited sense of humor. Amanda and Taylor are shopping. And talking. Amanda asks, "Want some Froooyooo?" and Taylor responds, "Froyo makes you lose weight, right?" Sure, it also boosts brain power, so eat up!
Ashlee's parents are away for the night. Ashlee reveals that she's hosting a sleepover in lieu of sleeping alone like a big girl. What, no nanny? Then, Ashlee's mom calls to check in, and the wretched troll complains about a mixed cheese tray. "I'm not serving mixed cheese – that's disgusting," she says. "Poor people mix things."
Ashlee's sleepover guests include Chanel and Amanda. The girls change into their sleep attire – footed jammies with a diaper flap for Ashlee, satin nightie for Chanel, and Frederick's of Hollywood for Amanda – and settle in for some wine, rich people cheese, and a game of Never Have I Ever. I swear, these women get more annoying every single week.
I imagine it's pretty easy to sell out of something that you've only made 10 of while killing some time in the bedroom you still live in at your mom's house, but hey that's life as a Princesses: Long Island success story, right?!
Amanda Bertoncini, whose entrepreneurish spirit led to the creation of "Drink Hanky", faced some controversy when a photo shoot for the brand featured a memorial statue of a 9/11 fire fighter was shown sipping on a beer wrapped in a Drink Hanky. Apparently the controversy only brought more attention to the ridiculous product.
Drink Hanky recently announced on twitter that Amanda's creations, selling for $4.99 each, are currently unavailable because they've sold out!
It's never a dull moment with the girls of Princesses: Long Island. Last night there was more girl drama and PDA to go around, but thankfully the ladies refrained from drink throwing and ugly cry mode. They're really maturing, aren't they?
Joey Lauren, Amanda Bertoncini, andErica Gimbeldecide to go on a run, and I think it's time for Erica to invest in a sports bra. I'm also super curious as to what Amanda is wearing on her bottom half. The girls dish about Chanel Omari's bizarre behavior at Amanda's Drink Hanky party, and Joey questions Ashlee White's snobbery. She gets teary when she hears that Ashlee tried to get Erica and Amanda not to like her. While Amanda likes Ashlee, she knows her friend looks down on Joey for not coming from money. Erica and Amanda give Joey tips on how to compose a mature text to Ashlee to resolve their differences.
Meanwhile, Chanel is channeling her inner SJP circa Square Pegs and meeting with her rabbi in some very Mo Rocco shades. She needs his guidance after her breakdown at the white party. He basically tells her to suck it up and show restraint in the face of drink throwing asshats, although he's much more eloquent. When she expresses her fears over never marrying, he urges her to use Jewish history as inspiration to know that nothing is impossible. I may need to schedule a session with Rabbi Cohen.
One very observant Reality Tea reader brought to our attention that one of Amanda's Drink Hanky models looks exactly like Big BrotherhouseguestGinaMarie. I wasn't 100% convinced so I tweeted the Drink Hanky. Yes, the Drink Hanky is not only stylish, but it also tweets!
Have you heard? Princesses: Long Island star Chanel "Coco" Omari is 27 years old and not married. I repeat – NOT married. Broken. So sad. Disgrace to Longuyland. Tune in next week to see Chanel's public stoning. Obviously, I kid (at least I hope) about the stoning, but is this pity party for real?
Chanel's younger sister, Ashley, is engaged to be married, and poor broken Chanel doesn't even have a boyfriend. The hits keep coming when Chanel helps shop for Ashley's bridal gown. At the dress shop, Mom introduces Ashley, the bride, and Chanel, the sister, and the shop clerk asks if Chanel is the "little sister" as if it's relevant and/or any of her business. After a brief moment of silence, Chanel reveals that she's actually the older sister, and then the store clerk buys the first ticket to Chanel's stoning.
Just for kicks – Ashley insists that Chanel try on a wedding gown. Mom prays, "God willing, Chanel will meet someone," and Chanel weeps. "Sometimes I just want to be normal like everyone else and do the same things like everyone else is doing," she cries. "It's really difficult when you feel like you're always on a different page."
The Drink Hanky is ridiculously stupid. Amanda is delusional if she thinks the fabric drink pouch is going to make her a millionaire. (Get a job!) The actual product aside, this week's episode of Princesses: Long Island showed Amanda incorporating a FDNY memorial and 9/11 statue from the Jonathan Ielpi Memorial Park into her Drink Hanky photo shoot, offending many viewers.
The sister of Jonathan Ielpi, the fallen 9/11 firefighter depicted in the statue, is speaking out about Amanda's disrespectful shoot. Melissa Ielpi-Brengelshared, "It opens up the wounds, and it makes you just want to cry all over again."