Things begin at Carlton's house, which looks like it sits in an abandoned lot outside the airport. There's no landscaping which sucks if you're inviting a zillion people to a daytime pool party in JULY. I know why Carlton's skin looks like a dehydrated orange peel!
The whole theme of this party is "Americana" except… all the decorations came from Hustler and Carlton wore a sequined bikini from a 1992 Victoria's Secret catalog. And there were no shade tents – we Americans really like covered pavilions. Carlton ships her kids away to their grandmother's and warns them she may embarrass them, which is the understatement of Carlton's appearance on this show. Everything she does is embarrassing!
"One thing that reality television does give you is a thicker skin," Lisa shares. "I remember the first time something was written about me and it wasn’t true, I was so indignant and I burst into tears. I remember sitting in my restaurant thinking, ‘how could they?’ Now I’m like, ‘oh, whatever!’”
“It’s just all sensationalism, and then you read about it on Twitter and you just have to ignore it or make a statement, but for the most part it’s nonsense," Lisa tells Parade about tabloid drama and the back and forth on twitter.
On February 25, Kyle's first line, an eight-piece collection called "Kyle by Kyle Richards", will launch. Describing it as "relaxed glamour" aka mumus, Kyle says that it will channel the "chic, California cool vibe" that echos her own closet. <insert hysterical laughter here>
Kyle is especially excited to debut her classic one-sleeved jumpsuit! "The fabric literally feels like pajamas," Kyle gushes to Entertainment Weekly. "I always wear it at home when I’m entertaining because I don’t want to be in a tight, uncomfortable dress. I can also wear it on a red carpet. In fact, I just wore it in blue on The Arsenio Hall Show. I also love the jacket with embellished sleeves. I get so many compliments on it. I have friends already asking me for that one."
Kim is able to forgive Brandi Glanville for calling her a meth addict on national TV and telling people she pooped on her pillow, but not forgive Lisa for decorum and the truth came out on twitter! Kim is now Brandi's friend and Brandi and Lisa are now NOT friends. In fact, according to the wisdom of Kingsley Kim, everything bad that has ever happened on RHOBH like in the history of the show is ALL LISA'S FAULT.
A viewer recently tweeted Kim warning her about trusting Brandi, stating: "Look what she did to Lisa." and Kim responded with, “What did Brandi do to her? I KNOW!! Brandi says stupid things things!! But … I PROMISE U!! EVERYTHING LISA DOES IS FOR A REASON!! …..NEVER JUST BECAUSE SHE LOVES ❤U" Basically it's the same old-same old "playing chess" nonsense that Kyle Richards has been spewing for ever.
Ahhhhhh… Real Housewives of Beverly Hills where mothering is a crime against humanity because naturally that's the nanny's job. In Beverly Hills one also needs to be heavily armed and ready at any moment for home invaders. I'd be more worried about closet raiders, but you know if broke into Yolanda Foster's house I'd go straight for the Hermes belt collection. Just me?
We begin at Carlton Gebbia's house where she's hosting a party to promote naked girls. Carlton: the Playboy mansion you are not. Carlton's "nanny", who is never near children ever, which given her behavior is probably a good thing, helps choose exotic dancers to perform.
Carlton drones monotonously for the 400th time that she loves women. I am out of patience with this cougar-in-heat trying to be the Joe Francis of the middle-aged. I'm sure Carlton's daughters aren't embarrassed at allll to be seeing their mother's Sexford Wife shenanigans.
Brandi Glanville adopted a new dog named Buddy to distract her kids from Chica's disappearance. Brandi hates Buddy and complains that he wants to be near her. He peed on her bed – yeah that's annoying, but I'm sure Brandi has also peed on her bed in a drunken stupor.
You have to love Real Housewives of Beverly Hills'Lisa Vanderpump. She can throw shade with the best of them and still sound classy to boot. For example, in her Bravo blog this week she touts her extensive charity work while subtly scolding Kim Richards for calling her a liar for saying she couldn't attend her daughter's graduation because she was out of town. She also schools her Emily Post style. As for Brandi Glanville's behavior towards Joyce Giraud? Lisa couldn't be more appalled, but it's so understated, it's like the perfect strand of pearls.
Lisa begins by talking about traveling to St. Louis for her volunteer work–and Giggy's!–to reveal why she wasn't able to make Kimberly's graduation shindig. She writes, "Now Giggy is a personality in his own right, so I needed a charity that would fit his profile — and children with alopecia was a perfect match. Now can I compare Giggy's hair loss with that of a child's? Of course not, but I knew that Giggy could make a difference, bring some levity to what otherwise can be a somber affair. When Giggy appears and we talk with the children and teenagers — many of whom watch him every week, many had just seen him on Dancing With the Stars — the message is clear. Should alopecia stop you being the very best you can be? We asked the children if they thought he would be cuter with his fur. They unanimously answered no he was perfect, so then I gently remind them that is the way people feel about them."
She begins, "Carlton asked me and some of her other girlfriends to meet up for a pole dancing lesson before we went over to Kimberly's graduation party. Although Kim and I were not super close at this point, I honestly couldn't remember a time since I've known her that she had hosted anything, so I was definitely not going to miss it. Carlton had a few drinks before our class. I was not on the same level, but almost instantly I starting feeling dizzy and nauseous. I assumed it was motion sickness from the poles spinning. But later I spiked a fever and was throwing up for the next day-and-a-half, so I think its safe to assume I caught some sort of bug and it wasn't just motion sickness." Oh girl. I was born, but it wasn't yesterday!
Continuing, Brandi writes, "We head over to Kim's and I thought it might be a good idea to grab a burger before we went in to hopefully help Carlton sober up a bit and help me to stop feeling so crappy. I feel bad I was ill at Kim's house, but it really couldn't have been helped. It was better that we didn't stay anyhow because Joyce was there in some ridiculous get up and I didn't want to have a confrontation with Miss Attention Seeker a high school graduation party."
I have to admit that I listened to Brandi's podcast as soon as she shared it on Monday night at midnight. I listened to the interview in the first half of the show with new RHONY starKristen Taekman and there weren't any big revelations or any juicy tidbits, so I was going to skip the rest, but I got sidetracked while it kept playing in the background. The second half of Brandi's show was an interview with Jim Florentine and Don Jamieson from VH1 Classic's "That Metal Show". Brandi started off their interview showing her classy side. Joking about child molestation.