Blah, blah, blah….that's what comes to mind when I hear the title of the latest Dance Moms special Dance Moms Chatter. Jeff Collins returns to mediate (is he wearing pink pants? Props!) an hour of filler that promises Kelly and Christi drama, comediennes, and drunk fans (turns out they were one and the same). Jeff revisits the breakdown in Kelly and Christi's friendship, and Kelly admits that she has a hard time letting people into her life. Likewise, Christi knows that it's going to take a long time to regain her former bestie's trust.
Two super fans/comediennes join Kelly and Christi on stage. As the four women share cosmos, Christi wouldn't mesh well with the super fans who hope their kids are never more than mediocre. They don't want their entire lives to revolve around their children's after-school activities. Kelly reminds the super fans that their kids would fit right in with her daughters as Abby Lee Miller is constantly reminding her that her girls are average.
I notice that Christi's hair is the same color as Jeff's pants–it's got a pink tint…or is that my television? We are treated to a montage of all the moms yelling and bickering at some point during the franchise (there is no cohesiveness or chronology in this special), and Christi takes the opportunity to take digs at Kristie 2.0. Kelly reveals that it was Asia that dubbed the original Christi as "Fat Christi." Out of the mouths of babes…
Two weeks in a row without Abby Lee Miller is my idea of a nice vacation…if the show isn't on for me to recap. However, two weeks with minimal Abby on Dance Moms while Cathy and her Candy Apples take the stage? No thanks. It puts me to sleep just thinking about it.
Maddie is in Los Angeles to perform on Abby's Ultimate Dance Competition. Abby thinks its so wonderful of Maddie to take advantage of the networking opportunity that this situation will provide for her.
We get about fifteen seconds of Maddie's rehearsal before we're stuck back in Ohio with Cathy and her apples. Cathy has abandoned the pyramid scheme she stole from Abby in exchange for an "apple tree." So basically, it's a pyramid of apples. So glad to see someone at Cathy's studio has mastered clip art. We're treated to a montage of the newbies talking about what a positive learning environment Cathy's studio is while reshowing the clip from Abby's UDC where she calls Hadley "roadkill."
Gahhh! I hate, hate, HATE to admit it, but I missed the craziness that only Abby Lee Miller and her nemesis mothers can bring to Dance Moms. As much as I usually deplore their awful behavior, it's ten times better than watching a show centered around the snooze-worthy Candy Apples. Who's with me? I know, I know. I'm a total hypocrite.
Abby is in Los Angeles looking for property for a new studio space. She plans to install silks (the mounted scarf like apparatus for lyrical dancers…think Cirque) so that her new dancers can have a leg up on competitors. Abby is really thinking of a permanent move, and she's convinced that Melissa would make sure that Maddie and MacKenzie followed her West. As for her other dancers…who needs 'em? She's already setting the stage for next season's Dance Moms: L.A. Help us!
Just when I think Abby Lee Miller can't sink to a new low in favoritism and self-importance, I'm treated to a new episode of Dance Moms. Last night's show was insane!
Abby is on Cloud Nine after beating Cathy and her Candy Apples, but Kelly and Christi are still not speaking. Before the pyramid begins, Asia and Kristie 2.0 return. Asia finds herself at the bottom for missing last week due to a television gig. Nia is next for lagging just a tad behind in the group number. Kendall is called out for a lacking rehearsal, and Paige rounds out the bottom tier even though she garners Abby's praise.
MacKenzie finds herself in fourth place followed by Chloe and Maddie. Abby cannot say enough about the girls' flawless duet. Brooke takes the top spot–has that ever happened?–for dancing up with the senior troupe. The group number is entitled "Living with the Ribbon." Abby wants it to be a tribute number to all of the people who have been affected by cancer, and Melissa immediately gets choked up because she lost her mother to the disease.
Abby Lee Miller is back! It's like she never left, right? Last night was the premiere of the new season (second half of a prolonged season?) of Dance Moms, and it did not disappoint. Two hours, y'all! Too much, or not enough?
The moms and daughters arrive for a new season after a month long break, and Abby hasn't forgotten the sting of losing to Cathy's Candy Apples. Kelly is upset that she's still fighting with all of her friends. Before the pyramid can even begin, Abby reveals that she is livid about losing to Cathy. She also shares that Asia is in L.A. pursuing a great opportunity that Abby supports. The moms realize it's only a matter of time before Kristie 2.0 returns. Kendall is on the bottom of the pyramid. Perhaps she would have done better if she hadn't cried like a baby. Yep, I'd say Abby's back with a vengeance.
Jeff Collins welcomes us back to the second half of the Dance Moms reunion and promises more audience participation. Oh gracious! That's the last thing I wanted. Abby Lee Miller joins Jeff on stage and they embrace as if they hadn't filmed the first hour mere minutes ago. They discuss the great mom walk out, and Abby blames them for running off Jackie and Sophia–as you recall, they left as quickly as they came. Abby had hoped that Maddie and Sophia could have done a tap duet, and when questioned to which is a better dancer, Abby remains neutral. She says she believes that Maddie dances from her heart, but Sophia has had more opportunities. When asked about Asia and MacKenzie, Abby believes that Asia has more technical talent while MacKenzie has more knowledge of choreography.
After an audience member question, Abby reveals that the other moms are clearly jealous of Kristie 2.0's beauty. Who wouldn't be (according to Abby)? Backstage, Kathy's daughter Vivi-Anne shares that she never learned anything from Abby…at her mother's prompting. Kristie heads out on stage with Abby and Jeff, and she admits that she doesn't care what the other women think of her. Abby touts her professional teaching in a thirty minute session for making Asia a better dancer. You can tell from Kristie's face that she isn't in total agreement, but she never voices it. Abby brags to Jeff about Asia's sass and work ethic, and cue an Asia solo. The kid has gumption and talent, that's for sure! After the break, Kendall performs one of her energetic solos. Why did this reunion need to be two hours? Someone please remind me!
The executive producer of Dance Moms, Jeff Collins, is back to host the crazy tell-all that is the Dance Moms Season 3 reunion. Bless him. He thinks he can wrangle in Abby Lee Miller and the drama fueled moms who trust Abby to teach their daughters. He looks heavily medicated…as he should be for the task. It's part one of two-part reunion, y'all!
A hoarse Abby is first to join Jeff on stage. Does she ever have a voice? Jeff brings up some of her more memorable altercations this season…like when she was yelled at by a Candy Apple dance dad and got into it with Kathy. Abby is quick to remind Jeff that she was "verbally assaulted" by said dance dad and "physically assaulted" by Kathy. Semantics? Eh, it's a tough call. He wants to do word association, and Abby is quick to call Kelly "foolish" and Christi "evil." Melissa is "sly like a fox" while Kathy's purse (the one from the aforementioned assault) is "heavy, sharp, hurtful" among other things. In the green room, the moms play their own game.
When questioned about Melissa's new loyalty to the mothers this season, Abby cites disappointment in Melissa putting her need to be accepted above her daughters' success. Melissa joins Abby on stage to talk about her wedding. She admits that she wanted the ceremony filmed for the show, but she respected her husband's wishes to keep their day private. As the audience asks questions, the other moms are reacting backstage. Even the reunion is scripted! Geez Louise!
Oh, it's on! Last night's two hour Dance Moms finale pitted Apples against Abby Lee Miller in an epic battle of boys versus girls. There was drama, there were tears, and, of course, there was awesome dancing!
The ALDC is still in New York City for the competition. Maddie, Asia, Kendall, and Chloe all have solos, and Abby is focusing on those girls as opposed to the group number. Kelly wants to take Brooke to meet with a music producer while her daughter has some down time. Abby dismisses Brooke although she thinks it's quite a joke. Chloe is working on her number "My Obsession." Is she obsessed with winning? Dancing? What? Poor Chloe. The original Christi chastises Kristie 2.0 for not being more fired up about Asia being pulled from The View performance. Kristie claims that she and her daughter looked at The View number as any other audition. No big deal. That irks the other mothers to no end.
Kelly and Brooke are meeting with a music producer who is excited about the fact that Brooke's last single garnered 25,000+ downloads on iTunes. He decides to introduce her to a former Pussycat Doll. Emphasis on "former" or else she wouldn't be hanging out on the finale of Dance Moms. She gives Brooke some guidance on breathing as if you really have to pee. Is this how voice lessons work?