Oh Couples Therapy – Whew! Where does a girl begin breaking down this mess? I mean, I need therapy after watching it, but real therapy not of the Dr. Jenn Berman 'lemme stroke your F-list ego' variety.
Taylor Armstrong rendered me paralyzed by laughter for a full 10 minutes while I watched her epic meltdown over "pea green towels" and the lack of acceptable lattes at the mansion. And that's where we begin. With Taylor and John Bluher exercising their right to tantrum.
Taylor goes Oklahoma on Dr. Jenn's staff until they give her permission to call the doctor herself and complain. Immediately upon getting on the phone Taylor goes from OK to Hawaiian sunset as she calmly but snootily explains that filet mignon is a necessary requirement for her life. "I can't live like this," she whines. "It's like a joke." Yes – it is exactly like a joke except we're all laughing at you, not with you.
Lest Taylor forget about all her financial problems – lady you were hawking fake Birkins to pay for legal bills.
It's that time of the week! The one where we take a peek at what our favorite (and not so favorite) reality TV stars have been up to. The one where we see who's been calling the paps, who's begging for red carpet event invites…you get the picture!
Below we have Farrah Abraham hitting up a "Real World" event. (insert the jokes you're dying to share here). Yolanda's gorgeous daughter Gigi Hadid stopped by a gifting suite, Giuliana Rancic supported Drew Barrymore's new book and Jennifer Lopez celebrated another season of American Idol. Also spotted: Snookipromoting her new book, Kyle Richards 'candidly' caught on the streets of Beverly Hills, and Joanna Krupa attending a movie premiere.
Part of me feels sorry for Dr. Jenn Berman because it seems she bit off more than she can chew with her "celebrity" "clients" this season. Meaning some of these so-called celebrities are actual messes who need like for-real therapy and not the made for TV Couples Therapy kind.
First of all, Dr. Jenn insists that although Taylor's behavior was terrible it ended up having some positives.
"When they went bowling, unfortunately things got a little out of control, which was unexpected and hasn’t happened before. In a certain way it was unfortunate but it ended up giving me really important material to work with in therapy because I got to see a side of Taylor in particular that was really important for me to see and to address. You’ll see the therapy that resulted out of this in episode three and it was really a huge breakthrough."
Farrah Abraham's spoiled brat anticsnever cease to amaze me – but I cannot ever get enough. I love this girl. TheTeen Mom star turned porn star turned Couples Therapystar is not getting along with her co-stars. You're shocked, I know. It's taken me a few days to come to terms with it as well.
Three days into therapy, Farrah and Taylor Armstrong really, truly hate each other, which is ironic considering they're cut from the same mold. "Looks like Taylor is insecure," she tweeted. "Hmm – sorry I'm confident and work hard. I don't need 2 marry someone to have a life, wish you and John the best."
You would expect a middle-aged professional (on paper) to rise above these childish shenanigans, right? Yeah, no. Taylor's fiance John Bluher tweeted, "Farrah is ridiculous. Everyone and Dr Jenn Berman were drawn into the abyss of deceit. Taylor wanted to mentor her – but we learned! We smelled a rat immediately." He definitely speaks the truth though.
To kick things off, Dr. Jenn informs us that Farrah's life is chaotic. So I'd like to inform Dr. Jenn that Farrah's chaos has been meticulously planned out by Farrah the Famewhore. Hold the Fame. Meanwhile, Farrah complains to Taylor about being stood up by her boyfriend-for-hire, Brian Dawe. Farrah assumes Taylor couldn't possibly understand how hard her life is because her divorce was – and I quote – probably like so easy. "I filed for divorce, then I found him hanging," shares Taylor. "So not so easy." Farrah's like, fine your life is hard, I guess, but I'm done with you. Good night. Taylor tells the camera that Farrah is the most self-absorbed person she has ever met. #PotMeetKettle
I don't know whether I should thank VH1 or condemn them for bringing Farrah Abraham back into our reality TV lives. This season Farrah appears SOLO on Couples Therapy because she couldn't even pay someone to be seen with her.
Since James Deen had enough with her when he rented out his peen, Farrah opted to hire Brian Dawe to play her boyfriend. Brian got the heebie-jeebies when he realized he'd actually like have to spend a lot of time with Farrah and act like he cared, so he admitted the whole thing was a hoax.
Dr. Jenn Berman denies knowing the relationship was reportedly staged and Farrah is of course claiming Brian is like such a liar! Cause Farrah never does anything wrong. Nope everyone is doing bad stuff TO HER. I see that therapy really worked…
"It has been hard for me to look back after everything I've been through," Farrah whines on Keek and seriously it looks like she's reading from a script.
Apparently Jon Gosselin & Liz Janetta join the fun later. He probably has to wait for the lunch rush to pass and get his balls from Kate's hilltop mansion before he can fly to L.A. Jon's new simpler life is so hard, you guys. So so hard.
Taylor and John arrive first. The former Real Housewives of Beverly Hills star recaps her past – she had the "perfect house" and the "perfect husband" in Beverly Hills. Taylor says, in reality, she endured six years of emotional and physical abuse from her late husband, Russell Armstrong.