Katie has been working hard to build her blog and decides to throw an industry launch party to debut it to the world, so she can begin making money. What Katie really wants, however, is an exclusive party with a tightly-controlled guest list, so she can wander around SUR pointing at people with her new Scheana Marie witch’s talon nails snapping, “Invited!” “Not Invited!” as she plucks the leaves, one by one, off Lisa Vanderpump‘s 100 year-old custom-cultivated tulips originally cuttings from Josephine Bonaparte’s garden, once watered with the blood of Napoleon (can you tell I’ve been watching War & Peace? It’s like Vanderpump Rules with more complicated names, more conniving, decent fitting clothing, more lying, and swords instead of cocktail stirrers).
Katie Maloney is newly engaged, gainfully employed, and in a good place with her friends these days. All things ex-BFF and Vanderpump Rules star Stassi Schroeder is decidedly not! While THE RETURN OF STASSI! seems to be the Japanese horror film headline everywhere one turns on VPR these past weeks, Katie says she’s trying to focus on the more positive aspects of her life. She does admit that seeing her old friend squirm under the expert interrogation/verbal spanking Lisa Vanderpump doled out was a bit uncomfortable to watch this week. But she agreed with Lisa’s astute points, just the same!
Before Katie breaks down the Stassi Situation, she reflects on the “perfect” time she and the gang spent in Hawaii – that is, until Jax Taylor decided to play petty sunglasses thief. When she found out about Jax’s arrest, Katie admits, ” I had no words and still have a difficult time articulating how frustrating and disappointing that day was. We had all separated for mere hours and for something this catastrophic to have happened is purely mind numbing.”
But no thank you, Tom 2, for the reference to your flaccid penis. Katie Maloney, please get off Scheana Marie‘s drama train and onto your man. If the way Tom 2 was making out with that Hooters chicken wing is any indication, that was a man deprived and we know how Katie feels about make-out cheating!
The Kristen Doute Apology Tour continues on, gathering steam by adding Stassi Schroeder, and growing into a cloud of vicissitude by adding Jax.
In Hawaii the group continues having a conniption fit over Lala Kent‘s existence. After Lala confronted Brittany Cartwright about Jax’s lying, and then confronted Jax about his lying, to which Jax lied about lying, Lala retreated to her hotel to cry into the complimentary towels. Reality TV is so hard! She just needs her mommy! But, as Lala pointed out, Faith also took off her top, but no one was yelling at her! Katie Maloney, a hypocrite? Nooooooo…
Our favorite reality TV stars cannot get enough of the spotlight during their regularly scheduled time slots, so they take to social media to share even more of their lives with us. And we would not have it any other way. Here’s a roundup of some of our favorite snapshots and selfies from this week. Enjoy.
Above: Real Housewives of Beverly Hills star Yolanda Foster shared, “Just because some ppl are done with your journey, doesn’t mean your journey is done. #AnotherWastedSaturday #LifeFromTheSideLines #Spoonie #LymeDiseaseAwereness #DeterminedToFindACure #AffordableForAll PS: Bad Selfie Day”
Remember when Stassi Schroeder told the world, “I am the Devil. And don’t you forget it”…? Well, on this week’s Vanderpump Rules, she’s baaaaaaaaaack! The Return of Stassi is poised to shake up frenemy circles at SUR this Monday, but viewers are uncertain about what Stassi’s presence will really mean for cast dynamics. Will Stassi’s head spin around? Will she Jedi-mind-control Jax Taylor into tattooing her name on his forehead? Will she levitate new girl Lala Kent above the sticky tables of SUR, slamming her into the ice machine, Kylo Ren style? (A girl can dream!!!)
Sadly, previews suggest what Stassi really does on the upcoming VPR is a whole lot of whimpering and grovelling, perhaps in an attempt to ingratiate herself to the friends and former boss who she’d formerly cut out of her life. But not everyone is buying what Stassi is selling. Except for Kristen Doute, who claims, “I was really excited,” adding, “I think I was the only one.”