Joan Rivers — the hilarious host of Fashion Police — recently filmed and released a comedy sketch with Ray J for her WE TV show Joan & Melissa: Joan Knows Best? — spoofing Ray J and Kim Kardashian's famous sex romp. A sex romp that happened in 2003 and was "illegally" released in 2007. A sex romp which also — I might add — made Kim Kardashian a household name and catapulted her family into superstardom. Seriously, if there had never been a sex tape, there would not have been a reality show. And it begs the question, if there had never been Keeping Up With the Kardashians — Would we even know the name Khloe Kardashian?
Poor Kris Jenner wants everyone to know she's not the evil pimp momager we think she is!
Speaking to Joan Rivers on In Bed With Joan, Krisadmits to being devastated when the news of Kim Kardashian's sex tape with then-boyfriend Ray J leaked.
"I literally fell apart," the Keeping Up With The Kardashians mom admits. “I cried myself to sleep. I don't think anything can prepare you for something like that when it comes to your daughter."
Kris said that she withdrew for a few days before deciding to be strong for Kim and her whole family. And thus the Kardashian kingdom was born. Thank goodness for serendipity I suppose… "I'm somewhat a religious person – and I keep that to myself," Kris says. Lest you forget she owns a church… "So I live a certain way and I feel a certain way and I pray for my kids everyday. I'm so in love with my family life; and that hits me, you know, up the side of the head and I literally fell apart."
As if Kim Kardashian andKanye Westprocreating wasn't enough, now there is even more disturbing news. I don't even know how one correlates with the other, but perhaps if I type it quickly, it can get out of my head equally as fast. Or not. There are just some things you can't unread.
Here goes nothing! So, now that Kimye is having an aby-bay, ales-say for her ex-say ape-tay have gone through the roof. Seriously? Nothing says "congrats on the bun in your oven" like purchasing a video of the mom engaged in some nasty, nasty sexy times. Nothing people do surprises me anymore.
My good gracious! Another Kardashian post so close to Christmas? I must be on the naughty list this year. I'll be honest, I'd rather receive a lump of coal than to have to pontificate on this fake family during the holidays. I do it for you, dear readers. You mean more to me than my disdain for this crowd. Isn't that what Christmas is all about? You're welcome.
In today's news, Kris Jenner is trying to maintain her now faux marriage to husband Bruce despite a ridiculous amount of divorce rumors circulating in the media. Also, sources are claiming that Nick Cannon was also a victim of Kim Kardashian's infamous sex tape. I can't wait to hear the chain of information that led him to this conclusion!
Finally, Bruce is opening up to the media about his ties to Newtown, Connecticut and the Sandy Hook murders. While typing that makes me want to vomit (let this community grieve without reality television intervention!), it's what he's talking about now. I used to like you, Bruce, but I've lost all respect if you're trying to maintain relevancy in light of this horrific event. Sidebar, and this has nothing to do with this blog, but from here on out (sorry for the soapbox) will we please refer to the Sandy Hook shootings as a mass murder and the man that took those innocent lives (I won't give his name more credence here) as a murderer? I read a compelling article the other day that noted in school shootings the public regresses to words like "shooter" and "victims" instead of using "murderer" and "slain" or "dead" in these types of tragedies. If someone killed a gas station attendant, we'd call it a murder, why don't we say that now? Off my soapbox and onto the Kardashian kraziness. I taught first grade for several years, so I am a tad raw at the moment…as no doubt you are.
Moving along (so, so sorry for the rant!), Kris is determined to make sure that her failing marriage doesn't drown the empire she's created around her children (notice I don't say the empire created FOR her children). What won't this woman do?
I'm going to file today'sKim Kardashiannews under boh-ring. Rumors are flying today that someone is trying to shop around another Kimmie K. sex tape – for the bargain price of $30 million. Sounds scandalous, right? Wrong. Read on.
At first when I read the news that she supposedly had another sex tape floating around, I thought she was crazy to have allowed herself to be recorded having sex again. And my second thought was "ooh..who was it with this time?" And then I read further and found that it's not a "new" sex tape, per say. As in, it's with Ray J…again. Snooze. Sorry, Kimmie, but you need to try harder for press. This is just lazy. Who knew she was so into recycling?
You know, I often think that if we normal people would just ignore all things Kardashian, the family would slowly fade into obscurity. Of course, I realize the irony of me wishing this would happen while blogging about them. I also realize it is never going to happen if non-normal (read: wacky celebs and "news correspondents") people keep giving them the time of day.
That said, I have an announcement to make. I am now watching Good Morning America for the first time ever. I don't know why I waited this long as I think George Stephanopoulos is hot, and I adore Amy Robach. The TODAY Show is dead to me. I'm sorry, Al Roker. I'll always think highly of you, as I know the show stripped you of extra time with your best pal Ann Curry, but to Matt Lauer (I blame you for Ann!) and the rest of the morning show's cronies, I say, for shame. (P.S. I still heart you, Willie Geist!)
The increasingly vitriolic divorce between Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries will seemingly never end. Oh, well – at least it’s interesting as they drag each other through the mud with ever-escalating crazy!
In the latest Kris is apparently accusingKris Jenner and Kim of staging her sex tape to make her famous. Hot on the heels of Kim telling Oprah that she was embarrassed of the tape and had no intention of it entering the public eye all while admitting it benefited her career, Kris H is allegedly told possible ex-girlfriend Myla Sinanaj that the Kardashians staged the whole thing.
In text messages Kris allegedly sent to Myla (according to her!) shortly after his divorce – which Kim is hoping to release to the public – Kris reportedly trashed the K-fam and accused Kris J of directing Kim in her sex tape! And, even worse, demanding Kim re-shoot scenes because it didn’t make her look attractive enough! Ok, ew to the millionth power.
I’m not sure if you’ve heard but the Kardashian family recently sat down to talk to Oprah about everything Kardashian. Oprah’s ratings are suffering so we must suffer through the news that’s hardly news but now it’s breaking news because it’s coming from Oprah. I hope you’ve all learned a valuable lesson here – watch the OWN Network or we get Kardashians: Rinse and Repeat. I refuse to speculate on who the next punishment could be.
Since the interview was so deep, it brings us all the way back to the early years of the Kardashian empire, namely Kim Kardashian’s sex tape. How does Kim Kardashian‘s new beau Kanye West feel about the recent buzz over Kim’s naked romp with Ray J? Dude, he isn’t trippin’ on it. An insider tells Hollywood Life, “Kim f*%#ed on tape and became an international icon and made [many] millions. So to me, she’s gangsta. These other girls got the game [messed] up, not Kim, and I think that’s why Kanye is so drawn to her and supports her and doesn’t give a [crap] about her past. He likes her for her and respects the fact she came up in the game.” That’s sweet. Haters are going to hate no matter what, but the source warns us, “Everyone’s hate on her and [lots of] people hate on Kanye too. You think they care, really? Jealousy and envy fuels people like them. It only makes them stronger.” Noted.
So, it’s been established that Kanye isn’t going to dwell on Kim’s past or anything that was discussed in the interview. What about her soon-to-be (maybe even in this decade) ex-husband Kris Humphries? Is there anything in the interview that could help his case? His lawyers sure think so!