It's been said that in life only two things are certain–death and taxes. Well, dear readers, I'd like to think y'all would agree with me if I tweaked that saying just a bit. In the reality world, the only two things that are certain have to be Kris Jenner creating rumors about her family in order to stay relevant and Kim Kardashian talking when she should just smile, look plastic pretty, and wear heinous tiny rapper inspired outfits. Am I right or am I right? Of course death, taxes, and all that jazz come into play as well…although have we seen any Kardashian 1099s?
Where to start, where to start? Should I lead with Kim's unfortunate but likely well-intended Twitter posts or Kris speaking out about the gossip she planted about her marriage? It's quite the conundrum. Thank goodness I've got a glass of pinot noir and a Ducky Dynasty marathon to soothe my Kardashian-riddled nerves. Join me, won't you?
When I think of the Kardashian/Jenner klan, warm and fuzzy thoughts don't often come to mind. Sure, Khloe Kardashian Odom is slightly bearable, and those Jenner girls are pretty, but let's face it. With Kris Jenner as their momager, they're bound to be extremely entitled, over exposed, and annoying any day know…if they aren't already.
With all of this going on with the girls in this family, sometimes the guys get the short end of the stick (anyone remember poor Rob Kardashian when Oprah Winfrey came to interview the krew? At least he has his sock line.). It's sad really. Of course, no one is more disrespected, ignored, or made fun of more than dad Bruce Jenner. Poor guy is legendary Olympian, but at his home, he's the butt of all jokes.
I feel like high stepping, finger snapping, dance-off gang fight is about to happen in Miami a la the Sharks and Jets, and the Sharks are the Kardashian sisters and their fans and the Jets are, well, everyone else. As you recall, the Kim and Kourtney got the boot from South Beach, but they landed in a very nice gated community in North Miami Beach. Granted, said gated community is near strip malls and convenience stores (I know, I totes have hives too just typing about it. Gag.), but those Kardashian girls are nothing without without their keen ability to adapt in any situation with other vapid ridiculously rich for no reason people.
Oddly enough, it was living near the Kardashians that led potential South Beach neighbors to send the girls packing. Now that filming has begun for the umpteenth spin-off of their family reality dynasty, the North Miami Beach natives are getting restless…or at least one of them is! There is apparently a disgruntled realtor on the scene. Um, he clearly didn't get the memo that it's called Kourtney and Kim Take Miami, not Some Guy Wants Money Thanks to Famewhores. Some people will always try to make a buck at the expense of innocent reality stars. Sadly, in this case, I'm not being sarcastic.
You know, I often think that if we normal people would just ignore all things Kardashian, the family would slowly fade into obscurity. Of course, I realize the irony of me wishing this would happen while blogging about them. I also realize it is never going to happen if non-normal (read: wacky celebs and "news correspondents") people keep giving them the time of day.
That said, I have an announcement to make. I am now watching Good Morning America for the first time ever. I don't know why I waited this long as I think George Stephanopoulos is hot, and I adore Amy Robach. The TODAY Show is dead to me. I'm sorry, Al Roker. I'll always think highly of you, as I know the show stripped you of extra time with your best pal Ann Curry, but to Matt Lauer (I blame you for Ann!) and the rest of the morning show's cronies, I say, for shame. (P.S. I still heart you, Willie Geist!)
Oh the curse of the Kardumphries. Ever since Kim Kardsahian said “I do” to basketballer Kris Humphries in a million dollar E! sponsored wedding, the same property has seen a lull in wedding wannabees. Are you surprised?
Who would line up to wed at a place where the most famous wedding that took place there ended after less than three months? Maybe I would…if the venue paid me to do so, but I’m desperate. Duh.
Kim Kardashian wasn’t in Miami this week just for fun (and to harass Myla Sinanaj) , the reality TV star was workin’ hard (and not just at taking pics for her Twitter followers).
Kim hit the green carpet to host the Midori Beachside Bash at Delano Beach Club. Kim has been the spokesperson for Midori since January of 2011. I have to say that this endorsement has alway baffled me. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t blame her for snapping up the cash where she can, but Kim has admitted a number of times that she doesn’t drink. It’s a little like Vicki Gunvalson giving advice on how to land the perfect man.
From the NBC press release: “Kim has grown closer to her loving family than she ever was before, Kourtney and Scott are preparing Mason for the arrival of his little sister, Khloé strives to spend time with everyone she loves, Kylie and Kendall have discovered new ways to step out from the shadows of their older sisters, Rob is finding his own way in business, and Bruce and Kris go through a rough patch after Bruce reveals that he feels taken for granted.”
The Kardashians will also continue to expand their empire by opening DASH boutique and pimping more products than ever. Oh, joy.
Photos of the family and a video preview of tonight’s episode are below!