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kanye west fur coat

I'll be happy when I can say 'Ciao' (or Kiao as the case may be) to Kim Kardashian and Kanye West after their upcoming wedding. We all know they have grand plans to fade into obscurity once married and enjoy a little down time out of the spotlight…just the two of them with daughter North–no nanny, no camera crews, no Kris Jenner

Sorry, I couldn't even type that without cackling hysterically at the thought of Kim giving up fame for even a few hours. Bless her. Yeezy too. He isn't going anywhere. He loves attention, and he seems to believe that we want to know every tiny detail of the couple's personal lives. Why else would he tell us where North was conceived? Hey, his admission may give insight to the most recent Kimye wedding rumors!

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Beyond Fashion Costume Institute Gala at the Metropolitan Museum of Art

I don't know about y'all, but I'll be thrilled when Kim Kardashian and Kanye West finally get hitched so all the speculation about when, where, and who surrounding their upcoming wedding can finally be put to rest…until we start speculating about baby number two, South! In fact, the only question I have regarding their marriage is WHY do I care so much? 

Today's nuptial gossip brings us a totally new location for the big day, some strict rules regarding photographs (and no doubt surveillance footage) of Queen B and Jay-Z, and some hang-ups regarding that pesky prenuptial agreement. Let's start with that, shall we?

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khloe kardashian yeezus shirt

Bear with me as I draw random, baseless connections among the folks of Keeping up with the KardashiansKim and Kanye are getting married in Paris, France. Ironically, sister Khloe's new boyfriend is a rapper named French Montana. In a weird twist, French is reportedly not invited to France to celebrate the Kimye nuptials, but he claims to be BFFs with both Kim and Kris Jenner. So, where does Khloe's ex Lamar Odom fit into all this?

Well, I'll tell you where he doesn't fit…at the Penthouse nightclub where the above-mentioned klan was partying on Tuesday night! Fear not though, Lamar still has something in common with the Kardashians (and now French) in that he's being captured by E!'s cameras, which thrills him to no end, I'm sure.

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Kim Kardashian Poses In See Thru Dress

Ka-kching! It's a kash kow known as a Kim Kardashian keremony! Unless you've been in outer space testing out Kim and Kanye West's honeymoon trip, you know that Kimye is set to walk down the aisle Memorial Day weekend in Paris. Kim has been adamant that her third wedding will be a more intimate and un-televised affair, but rumors are flying around that she is going to rake in upwards of $21 million on her nuptials and the surrounding events. That's a whole lot of flower walls and ugly dresses!

How is Kim kashing in on the big event? Well, consider her marriage to the tiny rapper to be like the Olympics or a local charity party. It's all about the sponsorships, y'all! Apparently people are willing to give Kim (and Kris Jenner, too of course!) just about anything for free to get some exposure. I guess it makes sense given this family is known for total over-exposure!

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Kourtney, Kim, Khloe Kardashian Dash Store Miami Opening

Dear Diary, Remind me never to cross the Kardashians (any more than I already have, at least). They always come out on top. Deserved or not (it's usually the latter, right?), the family always seems to get their desired outcome in any given situation.

It's no different this time around with the Keeping up with the Kardashians stars. The children of the late Robert Kardashian just scored a major victory in their year-long court battle with their former step-mother regarding the attorney's personal diaries that had some not so nice things to say about his ex-wife Kris Jenner.

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Kim Kardashian Kanye West Vogue Cover

It's all a numbers game for those krazy Kardashians…the number of viewers, the number of random items they can slap their names on, the number of spin-offs we continue to watch while we complain about how many spin-offs they have, the number of random Instagram videos posted by Kim–not to mention the number of million dollar weddings one person needs to have! Yes, you can kount on the Kardashians to like their numbers (bad pun…sheesh).

Of course, if we're lucky, it could be a numbers game for us too…as in the number days we can pawn Kim and the tiny rapper off on France (sorry, Paris!). If Kim and Kanye West are not above the law–granted, that's a big "if"–they may be moving out of the country for a while. Fingers crossed!  I'm sure Beyonce wouldn't be sad to see them go either as their Vogue cover is on track to outsell hers. This must be stopped! Stop buying April's issue of Vogue for goodness' sake!

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Kim Kardashian 33rd Birthday

Good gracious. This whole Khroma Beauty thing isn't going to go away. The Kardashian sisters slap their names on anything and everything imaginable, and the one time they decide NOT to use their name is the one time the poo hits the fan. When Kim, Kourtney, and Khloe introduced their Khroma cosmetics line, the brand's parent company Boldface was slapped with a cease and desist by the real Kroma.

After the Florida based make-up company Kroma sued the Kardashian's Khroma for trademark infringement, the Kardashians changed the line's name to the oh, so original name Kardashian Beauty. However, Khloe wasn't happy about it…to put it mildly!

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kim kardashian bikini

I finally know what Kim Kardashian is trying to do with her recent horrible, bikini-clad Instagram videos. It's really quite brilliant if I'm going to give credit where credit is due. The Keeping up with the Kardashians star certainly had me fooled for a bit. I assumed the videos were just vain, materialistic attempts at attention while bragging about exotic vacays. Boy was I wrong.

So what's the big reveal? Elementary, my dear Watson! I've determined that Kim is just being a stellar fiance to Kanye West. All of this Instagram craziness is just her way to make us all realize that the tiny rapper's Bound 2 video is an actual work of art. I mean, compared to Kim's latest postings, it is…right? Slow clap, Kimmie. Slow. Clap.

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