Bethenny Ever After Recap: Hot People Like Each Other; Married People Don’t

On last night’s episode of Bethenny Ever After the crew continued their vacation in Montauk, where Jason and Bethenny continued their passive aggressive marital meltdown. There were some cute parts (Cookie) but it was a lot of raw sadness in the form of a couple who seems genuinely at odds, but still love each other.

Things start out with Dwayne. Bethenny has a driver now – who also seems to double as a bodyguard. Is she afraid of Jill, now that she has been cast aside from reality TV? Why Bethenny can’t drive herself to Montauk is interesting to me… she did so last week. I guess she’s big league now, or a “baller” as Bethenny likes to say. Also on the trip is Bethenny’s Glammy. Does she own this Mercedes?


In the car Dwayne and Bethenny bond over being “hustlers.” Dwayne calls her a “pitbull in a skirt.” HA! Bethenny is shocked that Dwayne is a Skinnygirl in a man’s body,  and as inappropriate as she is, this makes her a little uncomfortable. It’s interesting to see her on the other side of the aisle. She feels her lack of professionalism encourages her employees to do the same. Oh, you think?

Dwayne‘s comments (and Bethenny‘s flippancy about them) are disrespectful to Jason. Like attracts like! In the car there is also an infomercial for Skinnygirl Lazy Lingerie. Upon arriving, Bryn and Bethenny run through the sprinklers and Bryn is so cute in her little capri pants. Lovely.

Jason arrives the next day and drives himself – he unfortunately ran over four racoons! Uh… gross. Really gross. I sympathize with Bethenny‘s outrage.

Bethenny has another new employee in the form of hot Matt, the Skinnygirl nutritional advisor. You know what this means?! A new person she can sexually harass and demean with inappropriate jokes. Bethenny has decided hot people like hot people and so she is going to set Matt up with Julie‘s sister Joanie. Not because Matt is looking for an ever-lasting love, but because he is single and on vacay for the weekend and looking to hook-up.

Over lunch everyone gawks at Matt and Joanie as if it’s some sort of reality TV show. Poor potential couple.

It’s the Annual Skinnygirl Cocktail Party at the Montak Yacht Club. Four years ago it was Jill, Bawby, and Bethenny swilling margaritas and Bethenny roaring drunk, slurring about how she was gon’ make it!. And look at our girl now! It’s a full-on fete complete with some tacky-ass lime colored pumps and Opie! Bethenny’s friend Amy is there to fill Jason in on Bethenny’s sort of skanky past, flashing her bra for beads at Mardi Gras. Ahhh… college memories. I miss them.

At the party, Bethenny is very excited to have cocktails and see her matchmaking come to fruition. The photo booth is adorably fun; I love when people have these. Bethenny makes a funny, comparing the event to prom and losing her virginity with Jason. See – that is a funny and silly, not trying too hard, witty, joke. That’s the Bethenny we know and love, not Bethenny plumbing the depths of raunchy humor in a desperate attempt to seem off-the-cuff and witty.

The next morning, Jason is teasing Bethenny about her outfit and Bethenny gets butt hurt. She’s apparently counting digs and Jason has reached the critical no. 2. Uh-oh Jason. Being around Joanie makes Bethenny reminisce about her single girl past; before Jason, before digs, before high-waisted faded denim. Bethenny channels her inner Carrie Bradshaw and wonders what must be going through Joanie’s mind after a night of drinks with Matt – does she do him, blow him, call him, dump him – what?

Bethenny quizzes Joanie about how much she is like Bethenny; i.e. is she good at being single or does she actually want a relationship? Jason comments that Bethenny’s comments are pretty inappropriate and if he made them in front of a group Bethenny would chastise him. Bethenny describes their marriage as a lot of nit-picking and butting heads, because they don’t really know each other.

Their little argument makes everyone uncomfortable, so all the singles flee the group thanking their lucky stars they aren’t married. Dwayne, who is married, gets it and sticks around. Jason concedes that he has lost his manhood to the Skinnygirl empire. Bethenny decides, despite all she puts Jason through, she is the tortured one in their marriage. She’s actually being competitive over being the screwed up one. Why has she adopted this as her “identity”?

Bethenny and Jason do some married people stuff by taking a yacht ride together. Cute and fun. I love Cookie on the boat. They seem happy and relaxed to be on their first date of the trip. On the boat they discuss the surreal experience of buying their luxury pad. Bethenny is both excited and shocked that she can actually afford it and doesn’t quite believe she deserves it. Why must they have the stupid Skinnygirl flag on the boat?

Uh-oh it’s Lost At Sea, Version One! The propeller breaks and they are almost forced to sail. I hope Llyod has a working GPS! Bethenny, remarkably, is taking it in stride and not freaking out. Luckily, the boat starts working again. Back on the shore they meet up with Bryn and their friends for lunch. Jason carries a panicked Cookie to shore.

And vacation is over! Bethenny and Jason meet up with their celebrity designers for the new apartment. Thanks Bravo! Jason has no say in anything and frankly I’m surprised she’s not charging him rent! Bethenny says she wants him to feel included but he can barely get a word in edgewise. I cannot wait to see what the renovations look like!

Bethenny is home alone while her in-laws have Bryn in a Manhattan urinal, aka sandbox. That means afternoon sangria time – in the good crystal. I love how everything in this show is a plug for Bethenny’s products. I know that’s how she makes her money, but it’s draining. After mixing drinks Bethenny and Julie let the doorman know they are on 20 min hiatus and the office is closed.

They talk about how things have changed since it was just the two of them working feverishly in Beth‘s one-bedroom apartment. Julie thinks having space away from her work drones will be good for Bethenny and Jason, and notes how much Bethenny has changed since getting married. It was a nice moment; Julie and Bethenny seem like true friends and Julie can be honest with Bethenny about both her short-comings and her positives.

The Hoppys return with Bryn, who is adorable, and wearing a big pink hat. Poor Cookie gets locked out. The happy fun-ness is ruined by Bethenny‘s therapy session. Jason and Bryn are visiting his parents and she is alone for the weekend. She misses Bryn but is meh about Jason. The therapist mentions, wait for it, the infamous Lost At Sea couplescape. It’s an overnight trip where Bethenny and Jason can learn to work together with the therapist right by their side anaylzing their every move. Ugh – poor Jason. He’ll be micromanaged by two people: Bethenny and Dr. Amador.

Apparently, it’s not therapy, it’s a marriage preparedness workshop! Back in the apartment, Bethenny pitches the sailing trip to a skeptical Jason. Jason does not think being treated as a science experiment sounds like fun, and tries to tactfully point out that Bethenny may learn she is causing some of the issues in their marriage. Those issues are, according to Bethenny, that they don’t like each other. Le sigh.

Bethenny feels she has made big strides in her life since getting married, but she doesn’t feel like Jason has, and she isn’t trying to change him. Their communication is horrible. Bethenny keeps defensively throwing in Jason’s face that he’s perfect. Jason says hurtful things and then apologizes. Jason feels Bethenny can never accept an apology, and she says, he makes her feel crazy.

So, should I start placing bets on how long this marriage will last? Cause they’re only in year two and it’s a hot mess of marital instability befitting of a soap opera. Sadly, this doesn’t seem like manufactured drama – it seems all too real. Which is depressing and sad. They love each other but they need to learn to work together. Am I really quoting Dr. Amador? Hand me a Skinnygirl Margarita – I need a drink.

Next Week: Bethenny and Jason have a major fight and their marriage is imploding.