Bad Girls Club Recap: Bad Girl Players

Oh, this show. Why are these ladies so angry? They live in a mansion and get paid to party and spend eight hours a day doing their makeup. And yet, everything makes them so upset. On last night’s Bad Girls Club, the reactions to Spongebob Twin replacements Camilla and Christine covered a whole range of emotions until it culminated into yet another pointless physical attack. When will they realize psychological torture is far more effective?

In any case, you can’t feel too bad for the new girls. At eight seasons, they–like Top Chef contestants who cry at the mention of having to make a pound cake–should know what to expect. Both girls predictably acted confident and cocky in their intro talking heads, and appear to get along when they first meet each other for a drink, but that solidarity ends up being very short lived. Both girls walk into the house, cheery and excited, Christine clutching a bottle of whatever cheap champagne was on sale that day, and the rest of the girls remain firmly planted in bed.

It becomes obvious that Christine will be the odd bad girl out. She’s too drunk, too enthusiastic, and too eager to please. Now, the producers probably told the new girls to act that way to provoke the remaining tired, bitchy cast members, but Christine really took it to the next level. She really shows herself when, upon hearing Erica is from “Atlanta New York,” she says “I didn’t know there was an Atlanta in New York.” Erica huffily responds that she is from New York, but lives in Atlanta like we are all supposed to decode her ginger language, which apparently doesn’t use complete sentences.

The two new girls head out to the Blue Martini–this show’s version of Jersey Shore’s Karma–and Christine keeps drinking. This is where Camilla realizes that Christine can’t hold her booze and will probably not be a good ally in the house. The first test the bad girls have set up for the new girls is what they will do about the bed situation. There is only one bed left, previously shared by Gabi and Dani, and Erica says they are watching them to see if they will fight over the bed or if they will just share. And of course, they share. They get home from the bar and Camilla dumps Christine’s falling over drunk ass.

The next day, Christine, still dressed in her tight dress from the night before, calls home and announces she’s ready to leave. Well, that didn’t take long. She’s convinced to stay one more day and finds comfort with Amy, who tells her not to let anyone else in the house see her cry.

Over on the B-plot, Gia notices her special friend DJ Matt is being, in her words, a “Twitter ho.” Unlike a lot of these kinds of reality shows, they do let the girls use email, and apparently, read social media, but as Gia said, they just can’t use them while they are in the house. Interesting! Anyway, she decides she’s over Matt and wants some a new toy. She, Erica, and Amy go out to eat at some product-placed burger chain in a strip mall, and just so happen to run into producer, Jazz Lazer, who just happens to know Gia’s name! That’s such a coincidence.


That brings me to Erica’s “rapping.” At first, she calls it a stress-relieving hobby, but once she meets Jazzy Lazer, she wants to go pro and “make millions.” That’s usually what happens. Meet producer at burger joint, go directly to depositing a million dollars the next day. Jazzy offers to help her with a track but she must bring Gia along. Erica agrees, and so does Gia, because what else does she have to do? The three girls eventually head over to Jazz’s studio and Erica performs some of her song. This is the chorus: “I’m going to kill this bitch/I’m going to kill this bitch/I’m going to murder this bitch.” Jazz hooks her up with some song about driving a Lamborghini and being in a red bikini. I predict a Grammy in their future!

The one smart thing Erica does at the studio is ask Jazz who he knows in the Vegas music scene. He rattles off a list of names until he gets to “DJ Muzzy Matt” aka Gia’s FWB! First of all, way to be tough, Matt! What does muzzy mean? Second of all, Erica is right that Gia should watch out. She doesn’t want her to see both of them (naturally, this is what Gia wants) because she doesn’t want Erica to be known as a “homey hopper.” What a cute name for a gross activity. Spoiler alert: Gia does not hook up with Jazz and is turned off by his advances when the girls visit him at his house. Here’s a tip: you may not want to mention a woman’s fat lady area. We won’t repeat what he said here because this is a classy joint.

So, what happens to the new girls? For a second, it looked like things might work out, especially when everyone pitches in and attacks two “ratchets” who crash the girls’ VIP table at Crown bar. But, the next day, Christine decides she misses her boyfriend too much and decides to leave the house. The girls are not happy and decide to help Christine leave by throwing all of her stuff over the railing. Elease is especially pissed since her first few days in the house were so bad and the new girls got off easy. Well, until right now.

I don’t know if they realized that they actually helped Christine by throwing her stuff downstairs and then putting it in the van for her. Lugging suitcases around is tough! Before she takes off in a van and with her stuff still spread out at the front door, the girls decide to jump Christine while she is in the car. Fellow new girl Camilla gets in on the action. For you reality tv scholars, when they pulled her door open and pulled her hair reminded me so much of Irene and Stephen’s fight on Real World Seattle, right as Irene was leaving.

Next week: Mimi wakes up to the realization that these girls are all psychos and apparently drinks her body weight in Hennesey.