Last night’s Celebrity Apprentice opened up on Awkardville, aka the terrified remaining team members with a ranting Arsenio Hall. Everyone looked like they wanted to avoid Arsenio’s gaze. Everyone except for Lisa Lampanelli, who finally found an outfit that looked flattering (It’s 2012. There are amazing plus size options everywhere. Look into them!). Hilariously, the self-proclaimed insult comic had a problem with Arsenio’s choice of insults for Aubrey O’Day. She yelled at Arsenio that he was about to ruin his image and career and that “every woman in America would hate him” after watching his tirade.

In his talking head, Arsenio recognized how ridiculous it was that Lisa of all people should be upset with his word choice, but on the other hand, Arsenio’s anger towards Aubrey seemed way out of line. In the war room, the team decides that from now on, the team follow Teresa’s lead to avoid future problems. Who woulda thought, Teresa Giudice would be the sanest person in a room? Lou Ferrigno and Dayana Mendoza come in from the boardroom and Lisa once again, does nothing to hide her disgust. She tells Penn Jillette that from now on, the two of them will be carrying their team. She’s not exactly wrong there.

The product placement this week is for, a company that no one can seem to refer to with a straight face. The teams have to produce 60-second commercials for the company. Dayana steps up as project manager for Forte and Teresa decides to manage Unanimous. Aubrey makes her return and she and Arsenio have something resembling an adult discussion, and Arsenio even comes close to apologizing, blaming his emotion on the charity work, both for his old friend Magic Johnson and his “cousin from Cleveland” who recently died of AIDS. They both agree to move on.

While a part of me is rooting for Aubrey, it was a huge letdown to see her make fun of Teresa in her talking head spots, especially after Teresa saved her in the last boardroom. Everyone knows Teresa should have brought Aubrey in, and didn’t due to their friendship/alliance, so watching Aubrey take down Teresa was too much. It just confirms what Arsenio said: it’s Aubrey’s world, and it’s all “I, I, I.” Unanimous ends up having a very peaceful week working, and they even blame Arsenio’s outburst for getting all the anger out into the open, but moving past it. This is just to grown-up for me!


Luckily, Forte continues their drama curse. But, this time, it’s not between Dayana and Lisa, but everybody and Lou Ferrigno. Lisa realizes that she is a being a shrew harpy in her constant hatred of Dayana and also comes to her senses when she realizes that Lou is, by far, the worst competitor. Dayana can at least send an email with an attachment, which Lou was unable to do. The perennial chip on Lou’s shoulder (even bigger than Lisa or Aubrey’s) is so apparent in this task, and he second-guesses everything the team is doing. He’s also mad when he is not cast in the commercial.

For the second time, Penn has to leave for a show, but his brain is the equivalent of 10 brains, so the team doesn’t necessarily suffer. It enrages Lou, since Penn is only putting in 80% and not that 110% he is so fond of.

It all comes to a head in the boardroom, when Lisa and Lou duke it out. Lou said to Lisa, “Lisa’s lucky not to be a man tonight, because I would throw her right through that wall, because after the last boardroom, you called me a fucking loser.” Who says that? Even worse was when Lou said he prefer the other team’s video to his own, which is like rule one of team work. Even if you hate it, how can you insult the rest of your team that way? Lou’s anger that the video was not a 60 second clip of him flexing clouds everything he says.

For Unanimous, Teresa tells Trump that if they lose, she will bring everyone into the boardroom with her. Teresa’s strategy is sound: at this point, you don’t want to become a target by naming names, so better to bring them all in. It doesn’t matter because Teresa’s team wins, getting $60,000 for her charity Nephcure. Somewhere Melissa Gorga is not pleased. Everything’s coming up Giudice!

In the boardroom, the mess of Forte is hard to clean up. Arsenio and Paul Teutul (who got an awesome makeover for his team’s commercial) watch Lisa on the screen from their champagne suite and comment how they don’t want to work with her because she keeps losing. That’s a fantastic point, because while Lisa is creative and a hard worker, how good is it if you keep losing? Loss after loss after loss. Is Aubrey the brains in the Lisa and Aubrey alliance?

Penn is saved from elimination this week since contributed so much, even while gone. The team is criticized for not using the actual team members in the commercial and Lisa makes a hilarious crack about how creepy it would be to see a man in his 50s like Penn with a 20-year-old. Donald Trump Jr. tells Lisa to watch it, and everyone has a good laugh. But I bet Donald and Ivanka have their own opinions on his dad’s zygote girlfriends. Don Jr. decides it’s between Dayana and Lou for firing, with Ivanka backing him up on how weak Lou is, as a player.

Today is Dayana’s fifth time in the boardroom! Will she ever get to drink a glass of champagne in the war room? Lisa and Dayana bring up how Lou always brings up criticisms after the fact, but is useless during the task itself. Lisa even accuses Lou of using his disability when convenient.  In the end, Lou ends up getting fired for his lack of loyalty. This was such a huge error. The Trumps like to stick together and Lou’s comment was a huge offense, even bigger than the fact he didn’t do anything during the task.

He tries to beg Donald a bit for his job back, but Trump says no and he walks away. The elevator attendant remains my favorite person of this show.