Basketball Wives Recap: Rephrase That!


So where we last left the “ladies” of Basketball Wives, Evelyn Lozada had just hurled a wine bottle at Kenya Bell’s head.  Good times!  Is that a cross ring on her finger?  WWJD?  Not this, I assure you!  Tami Roman is able to pull Evelyn away from Kenya as she threatens death.  Suzie Ketcham feels like she’s in Iraq, what with all these wine bottles and plates whizzing by her head.  Shaunie O’Neal pretends to be distraught at this turn of events.  Tami admits that she wasn’t trying to protect Kenya as much as she was trying to avoid her friend committing homicide.  Classy, Ev!

Suzie is working out with Jenn Williams, and she’s hoping Jenn will give Royce Reed a few minutes of her time in hopes of a reconciliation.  Jenn reveals that she wasn’t so much mad at Royce as her feelings were hurt.  Perfect, exclaims Suzie–as Royce feels the same way!  Not quite…Jenn is still miffed that Royce opted to “work” with her ex Eric Williams on his “movie.”

Meanwhile Tami and Evelyn meet with Shaunie to discuss the annoying bug which is Kenya.  Are they hoping Shaunie will fire her mid-season?  Shaunie definitely thought Kenya was crazy at the dinner.  After all, she was throwing plates and wine bottles not showing any emotion when confronted by Evelyn.  Kenya is not right, y’all!  She just watched Evelyn take off her earrings without fear or concern.  Kenya must be in-flipping-sane!  Shaunie recommends a tropical girls’ trip to Tahiti, and the women question Evelyn if it would be alright to invite Jenn.  Of course it is…just give Evelyn more time to perfect her aim!  Shaunie reminds Evelyn and Tami that Suzie has invited all the women to the race track.  Should be a good time…I hope the horses are betting on which “wife” will fall victim to the first sucker punch!

Kenya and Jenn are going wine shopping.  Is it just me or does Kenya seem even more comatose than episodes past?  Kenya is hoping to purchase some vino to serve at the screening of her new video.  Jenn encourages her to invite the crew.


Evelyn meets with her friend to discuss her upcoming wedding.  She’s confused as to whether she’ll take the last name Johnson or Ochocinco or do some hyphenated version of the multiple last names.  She’s really trying to brand herself, so she doesn’t want to completely give up Lozada, but people are familiar with the “Ochocinco” name.  Good ol’ eighty-five.  Evelyn tells her friend that Chad wants to have babies, and he’s also threatened to quit the NFL so she can be the breadwinner.  The pals discuss Evelyn’s friendship with Jenn.  She’s hurt by how things have happened between them.  Needless to say, Jenn shouldn’t hold her breath for a wedding invitation.

Suzie is mediating a very tense lunch between Jenn and Royce. It’s an awkward staring contest, to say the least.  Royce breaks the silence by telling Jenn what a meanie she is.  Shockingly, that gets the ball rolling and the two are having a legitimate conversation.  Did Jenn just pseudo apologize with a “my bad”?  That’s deep!  Suzie is just as surprised as I am.  Royce even gives Jenn a hug–it is a sure sign of the apocalypse.   That evening, Suzie and Jenn go to happy hour.  Jenn loves to hear from Suzie how much Kenya idolizes her.  Jenn ropes in Suzie to attend the “showing” of Kenya’s video.  Suzie will go, as long as she can get wasted beforehand…so basically it will be like every other social event Suzie has attended this season.

Evelyn and her friend are checking out save the date cards.  Sidebar, could her hoop earrings be any bigger?  She could potentially wear them as a belt!  Evelyn only has five months until her wedding, so by her calculations, she should have mailed out the save the dates about nine months ago…aka before there was even an engagement and a wedding to plan.  Genius.

A very subdued Kenya is hosting her screening party.  Tami’s cousin and business partner calls her out immediately for morphing into her co-stars.  Jenn is getting creeped out by all the single black female attention she’s receiving from Kenya.  Basically Kenya needs to hit play on the VCR (y’all know that’s what they’ll be watching it on given Kenya’s penchant for old school audio-visual equipment) to avoid this public bashing.  She must have been hurting for guests as her arch-nemesis Kesha Nichols is in attendance.  The video is a gigantic hot mess…it even says so in the lyrics.  Tami does NOT want to watch that again.  Royce tries to say that it wasn’t horrible.  Suzie tells Kenya to act her age, and Tami jokes that she’s forty.

The sofa decides to do a group critique.  Guess who can’t handle constructive criticism (and that’s what it is…at least starting out)?  Royce wants to see improvement on the dance numbers.  She thinks they look sloppy.  Tami suggests that Kenya flank herself with multiple guys, as that is what the song is about.  Royce helps Kenya “rephrase” her statement that she was “open to working with Tami.”  Thankfully.  Jenn is confused…this girl is super different from her wine buying, compliment spewing mini-me.

Tami’s mother comes for a visit, and Tami takes the opportunity to tell her about her therapy sessions.  Her mom doesn’t know all the things she has gone through in her life, and she feels a bit of blame towards her mother for not keeping her safe.  She touts her mother for being a great provider, but she cites distance between the two.  Her mother breaks down, knowing exactly what Tami is saying.

Next week, Tami and her mom continue their conversation.  The ladies head to the race track where Jenn becomes the target of both Evelyn and Evelyn’s friend’s tirade.  And she thought being smacked with a clutch was bad!