Well, I managed to imbibe myself through another episode of Bethenny Ever After. It was more of the same with the marital drama and the non-stop product plugs. We’re in the mid-season slump here where the storylines get staid and the characters seem too cranky and the viewers are looking for a resolution and a change of pace. Bethenny Frankel and Jason Hoppy continue to miscommunicate in their marriage, and despite that, they are considering making Skinnygirl enterprises a family business. At least they’ll finally have something to talk about! And Gina returned and blessedly hasn’t changed a bit!

Things begin with Bethenny meeting with her interior decorator Brooke, to make furniture choices for the new apartment. It seems Brooke is a bigger drama queen than Bethenny as she starts to need Xanax at the thought of Julie Plake leaving. Perhaps, it’s because Julie is the only person who can reign in Bethenny.

Next, Bethenny heads to Beam HQ where she is helping to oversee brand direction. Bethenny explains that just because Beam bought her out—identity, soul and all—she’s still involved, because Skinnygirl is more than booze—it’s now BMI tests, and depends (for when your Skinnygirl cleanse causes a mishap), and screwdrivers and tampons and mascara and vibrators—and anything a girl could possibly want or need that can be made in the colors of red and white, and have a photo of Bethenny slapped on the front of it. Skinnygirl deodorant – you got it!

Then, they do a new cocktail flavor test. Bethenny eschews every flavor, but White Cranberry Cosmo, which they plan to unveil in Aspen by Christmas. Pressure! Poor underprivileged Bethenny is excited about the launch party because she grew up skiing and will get to snowboard for the first time in years. And guess what she’s wearing? A Skinnygirl snowboarding suit!

Next, Bethenny heads to the marble yard, where she has a huge multi-contractor meltdown over bathroom plans. She loves being the center of attention in all of this mess and lecturing people on not communicating. She also loves pretending she has no control, while playing the diplomat amongst the professional renovators, who are all just hoping for their chance at a Bravo show of their own. Outside, she prays to a statue that everyone will get along and her apartment will actually happen.

Jason and Jackie pay a visit to the jeweler who made Bethenny‘s wedding ring. After last year’s birthday meltdown (Birthdays by Bravo!) Jason is walking on eggshells and feels a lot of pressure to make this one perfect. He is thinking of getting the setting changed on her engagement ring, because after less than two years of marriage, Bethenny is unhappy with it. A skinnygirl is never satisfied! And think about what that says about your marriage, Jason! Even the jewelers were like, ‘uhhh… dude – really? Not a good sign!’


Jason, who is traditional, decides to look into getting a necklace instead. There is one that perfectly represents Bethenny‘s “sharp tongue”—scarily so—and again, think about what that says about your marriage, Jason! But in the end nothing is really right. He’s really fretting that she’ll freak out and ruin another one of his efforts. These two should really just stop celebrating birthdays. They can just make up a new Skinnygirl holiday instead. Skinnygirlmas – a day of fast and neurosis. Cocktails for all!

Back at Skinnygirl HQ, Gina stops by to remind herself why it was a blessing in disguise that she needed to quit. Gina and Bethenny have stayed in touch and they have a warm reunion. Bryn is adorable greeting Gina and being her cute little self. I love Gina. She brought fun and silliness to the show. I have a soft-spot for her and she is like a mother figure to Bethenny. Gina is done with her husband #amen and looking for a new man. Her requirements are simple: he must be white or black and straight. So, that rules out 3/4 of NYC!

Oh, Gina, I miss you. And so does Bethenny, apparently. Bethenny starts to cry about how over-whelmed she is and Gina suggests taking a vacation, while comforting her. Bethenny admits that’s not enough – she’s just so tired and drained. And it’s true. She looks terrible and depressed. I’m really feeling horrible for Bethenny and then I remember she’s now doing a talk show, so she hasn’t learned anything about over-extending herself or prioritizing.

Next, Matt, her Skinnygirl nutrition consultant, stops by to taste test one more thing in the endless infomercial that is this show. They should re-name it the Skinnygirl Product Hour. This time it’s drink powder (aka Crystal Light) and energy bars. Jason will be sitting in on the meeting, because despite the fact that he and Bethenny barely communicate and can’t really get along at all, he’s going to be leaving his corporate job for the creative genius of Skinnygirl. Apparently, the whole lost at sea episode taught the couple nothing about communicating and appreciating each other and things are still tense and distant. It’s very unfortunate that even the coast guard can’t save this marriage!

Bethenny proceeds to make sexually inappropriate comments to Matt and talk about nuts using juvenile double entendre. Then, she tells Jason one of the drink mixes will make his penis grow and she knows cause she tested it out on Matt and inspected for satisfaction. Over trying the nutrition bars, Bethenny announces she prefers the one with BIG NUTS. BIG NUTS! She likes big nuts in her mouth! Big Nuts. Seriously let’s repeat it a little more! I don’t think I got that Bethenny likes big nuts. Ew. I think she meant to say: ‘I am a BIG NUT.’

Next up, it’s therapy time! And money certainly cannot buy you happiness or class. Bethenny may have big nuts in her mouth and her bank account – but they don’t belong to Jason and she is miserable in her marriage. She blames her inability to communicate openly on Jason calling her the damaged one and she allows it to create a self-fulfilling prophecy. Is Jason really this bad or is it fodder for a storyline, or is she exaggerating things? I mean therapy is subjective, obviously, and this is purely a reflection of her feelings on what is happening in her marriage. Hence why you should not be televising this!

Dr. Amador tries to offer some advice, but Bethenny isn’t opening herself up to it. Apparently, she can’t accept that she’s worthy. And I can’t accept that she’s continuing to denigrate her marriage and husband on television, while wondering why there are problems in her relationship. What makes Bethenny damaged is her entitled, ungrateful attitude and her feeling that it’s totally acceptable to disparage her husband on a TV show. And Jason is just as bad for allowing her to do so! Seriously – why can’t she just be happy? It’s so puzzling and it ruins the show for me! And if she’s so totally miserable, get your ass off TV and into some sort of intensive treatment program that is not filmed by Bravo cameras! She is a mother – get it together! /Rant over.

Moving along, Bethenny does a photo shoot for SELF magazine, except she’s still feeling down on herself about her marriage, her choices, and how over-whelmed she is. She needs a vacation, some Prozak, anything to take the edge off. Editor-in-chief Erin, whose dress is patterned like Tetris, pumps Bethenny up with some sound advice about how being unhappy and confused makes you human; telling her the SELF staff loves her and that she’s good enough! Bethenny still looks miserable and the hideous lime green peep-toes they’ve stuffed her in can’t help matters. At least the photo turned out cute! Hot pink is definitely her color.

Hopefully, Bethenny will be able to find happiness and joy (I heard Kandi Burruss is selling some!) and recognize the wonderful gifts she has in her life. And I hope her apartment is finished before the season is over so we can see it.

Next Week: Bethenny ruins a vacation and another birthday with her negative attitude.