Celebrity Apprentice Recap: Straighten It Out

On last night’s Celebrity Apprentice, we lost two of the biggest reasons to watch the show. I’ll spare you the spoiler alert, and I’ll just start from the ending: Teresa Giudice finally floated her way out of the boardroom, and Lisa Lampanelli found herself in a situation she couldn’t cry her way out of. In fact, it was her constant crying that cost her a spot in the final two. Lisa has bragged on her Twitter that she uses crying to manipulate the judges, so I stopped buying the “passionate comic act” around the second time she did it.

Last night’s task was to create an ad campaign for CHI hair products for Elle magazine. Anyone else get the feeling they create tasks that are perfect for the just eliminated contestant? Dayana Mendoza could have possibly done really well on this task with her modeling background and connections. I guess we’ll never know. She could have created an ad campaign with a woman getting her hair done coming out of labor; the labor thing being one of her more outlandish ideas. Teresa and Lisa decide to project manage.


You can almost set your clock to the moment Aubrey O’Day decides to share her brilliant idea (I’m surprised she didn’t take credit for the touchscreen technology on the CHI hair products they were promoting since all good ideas generate from the mane of Aubrey). She suggests a yoga theme for Unanimous. Because when I think of neat hair, I think of that moment I leave my yoga class all sweaty and with frizzy hair. But then again, I don’t have the brilliant mind of the former lead singer Danity Kane.

Over on Forte, Lisa and Clay Aiken, come up with a campaign about something below the surface. It just seemed like an excuse for Lisa to show her issues about her looks yet again. We get it Lisa, you hate beautiful people and think you are fat and ugly and you care so much more about the insides. It’s a noble goal but it’s a hair ad. For a fashion magazine. Don’t read so much into it.

A power struggle emerged when it was time to pick models and I was really let down that they didn’t have them pick their models America’s Next Top Model style. I wanted to see some tears and one dejected 15 year old model walk off the stage. Instead, Teresa and Lisa fought for models, and Aubrey ended up stepping in for the shoot (shocking). She sits around topless for a while, but it’s nothing a Google search won’t show you. I wonder if Arsenio Hall recognized it from his infamous pre-shoot Googling.

The presentations are okay. At this point, everyone just seems so exhausted and like they want to be fired. You have to remember that what’s shown to us in the span of a few months actually took just a handful of weeks. By now, everyone is cranky and wants to be home. With Dayana gone, Clay starts to feel that Lisa didn’t do much, and this is exactly what happens when the common enemy is removed.

We get to boardroom pretty quickly in this episode. Lisa gets another win under her belt, but it’s too little too late. It’s Teresa’s turn to go up against Arsenio, who is upset that she didn’t contribute much. Te-RAY-sa, as Donald says it, is let go, and somewhere Melissa Gorga and her sisters are rejoicing. But it doesn’t matter because this just means there is more time for Teresa to conceive of more “co-written” Italian cookbooks.

Marlee Matlin and John Rich get to interview the remaining four and they don’t like Aubrey, and decide to fire Lisa for her overemotional nature. There’s no crying on Celebrity Apprentice, apparently. So now we have Clay, Arsenio and Aubrey in the final three. One of them will go in the first ten minutes of next week’s episode. I’ve heard rumblings that Clay is the one to go, but I’ve heard just as many that Clay makes it. Editing monkeys love to mess with us, so I won’t take previews or camera placement as an indication of anything.

There’s only one question: could Aubrey O’Day be our next celebrity apprentice? How can this be possible? Who do you think will be fired next week?