Don’t Be Tardy for the Wedding Recap: T-Minus Four Hours (In TV Time, Of Course)

Wedding bells are chiming for Kim Zolciak and Kroy Biermann!  Last night’s Don’t Be Tardy for the Wedding gave viewers an inside look at the hours leading up to the sure to be over-the-top and ridiculousness of the Zolciak-Biermann nuptials.

As always, the episode starts with Kim talking to precious K.J. (is he always in a skull cap?) about the big day.  The last minute preparations are happening in the back yard.  Brielle and Ariana bring Kim breakfast.  Kim reveals that the always romantic Kroy has insisted that they don’t see each other on the day leading up to the wedding.  The couple won’t be honeymooning until after football season.

Assistant Sweetie Niki is now going to serve as matron of honor in place of Kim’s biffle Jen.  With all the changes that must take place in order to have Niki ready for the big day, Kim enlists Brielle to call her to make sure she will still have time to fix the girls’ hair.  There is one thing that isn’t causing Kim any stress, and that is Antonio Davis.  Security is making sure that he isn’t allowed to set foot on his property.


Colin Cowie arrives to put the finishing touches on the event.  The wedding décor seems to take a page out of Lisa Vanderpump’s playbook…although Lisa’s book is Vogue, and Kim’s book is Star.  Kidding.  The venue looks beautiful, though it’s not my taste.  Kim is looking a tad orange for her big day.  Jen arrives to help the bride get ready, and the pair hugs and mends fences.  Jen remains on the verge of tears.  She’s quickly put to work to get Kim’s chardonnay, a solo cup full of ice, and her antibiotics.  I am guessing Kim forgot that antibiotics negate birth control…much like the girls of 16 & Pregnant.  Nah, I’m kidding.  I can’t do math.  I am sure Kim didn’t get preggers with the most recent baby during this sinus infection.

Kroy is spending some quality time with his teammate who will be performing the ceremony.  He is experiencing one hundred percent pure joy.  At home, Kim is listing all of her future husband’s strengths.  Both are gushing about the other.  Kroy cites their relationship as very easy, and he predicts a future of happiness and success.

Stylist Shun is concerned with how much medication Kim is taking.  Niki arrives with one of the dresses, I at first assumed it was her bridal party dress, but it’s white.  Of course, this is Kim, so who knows?  Kim has opted out of sporting her “real hair” because she feels more like herself in her wig.  Derek J arrives, and Kim is faux livid to find out that he’s been wasting time at Kandi Burruss’ house getting her hair ready.  Kim is stressing (and tressing!) out amongst the chaos in her bathroom.

Kroy compares the wedding to game day.  He must perform in front of his family and friends.  The only difference?  With his marriage, he knows he’s already won.  Can I get a collective “awwww” for Kroy?  Rise up!

Kim is amazed by the transformation in the back yard.  Colin is certainly a man who pays attention to detail.  The cake is a massive and stunning confection that brings Kim to tears.  The groomsman cake is a black lab to symbolize the dog Kroy had to leave behind when he started playing for the NFL.  It looks like a statue.  It’s phenomenal.

Derek J is working his magic on Kim’s wig.  Kim contemplates changing her twitter name to Kim Biermann, but Brielle informs her that there’s already a Kim Biermann in the twitterverse.  Kim is over it…that Kim Biermann only has thirty-one followers.  What’s up with that?

There’s only an hour and a half until the ceremony, and Kim is freaking out that Derek J is cutting her wig.  Why does it need to be cut?  Has it grown since the last time she wore it?  Kim is hell bent on being on time so they can say their vows at sunset.  Kim chose the wedding date 11-11-11 because she feels like it gives her and Kroy some extra protection from the universe. Um, okay!

Next week, it’s the big day!  Helicopters swarm, K.J. sports Gucci shoes, and Kim’s mom needs some stilettos!  We get to see Kroy’s ceremony tears, RHOA cast mates, and reception drama.  Hellz to the yeah!