RHONJ Recap: Flipping Out and Flipping Off

Last night’s Real Housewives of New Jersey focused on the important things in life:  Rosie’s jaunty cap collection, the remix of “On Display,” and friends doing everything in their power to maintain a strong bond through mutual respect, listening, and give-and-take.  Oh wait, maybe not that last thing…

Caroline Manzo?  More like Caroline Done-zo!  She is way over Teresa Giudice’s behavior.  I mean she only wanted to return some swimsuits in the least set-up and manipulated scene ever and she ends up in the midst of World War Tre?  Uh uh.  No way.  Caroline is fed up…and you don’t want to see Caroline fed up because fed up Caroline looks like Caroline always looks scary.  The Manzo brood, Greg Bennett, and Uncle Chris Laurita are drinking some sucky read wine in the yard.  Lauren is worried about Jacqueline after hearing stories of tabloid-gate twenty-twelve.  Chris regales the children with stories of a Jacqueline once so loony, she threw all her ex-husband’s belongings into their front yard.  Basically, he opines, she is now throwing all of Teresa’s metaphorical crap onto their manicured lawn.  Chris wonders why women can’t handle fights with a quick discussion and then forgive and forget like he and his fellow brawn practice.  Oh yeah, emotionally emoted emotions.


Chris really hates that his friendships with Juicy Joe and Teresa are falling apart, and he’s concerned about the gang’s upcoming Napa trip.  He doesn’t it want to be Dominican 2.o, nor does he want to put his wife in a position where she feels uncomfortable.  Chris suggests telling the Giudices that they are still invited, provided the ladies get their shiz together.  We’ll see, says the wisest of the Laurita clan, we’ll see.  I want an Uncle Chris…but only if he doesn’t come with a sobbing, broken down Aunt Jacqueline.  I really do feel horribly for Jacq, as she seems truly sincere, but get sister a Xanax!

Teresa reveals that when she left Jacqueline’s house, she headed straight to Dina Manzo’s house for support.  Of course she did.  The following day, she tries to tell Juicy that she’s really upset about this recent turn of events, but he totally blows her off and makes light of the situation.  Shocking, I know.  Teresa thinks that Jacq was being incredibly fake, and Caroline just can’t get over the flipping cookbook (enough already with the cookbook!  Live and let live, cook and let cook, and strip and wash cars.  C’est la vie!).  Joe is always right, and he could care less about dodo bird Jacqueline.  Move on.  He also isn’t too keen on going to a party to celebrate Melissa Gorga’s newest single.  Teresa hopes that Joe will be supportive in her efforts to regain a relationship with her brother.  When she tries to continue the conversation, Juicy cuts her off and tells her to find new friends.  Such a gem.

Jersey’s version of Holly Hobby is working in her yard.  Kathy Wakile gets a phone call from Teresa inviting her to breakfast or lunch. Kathy has her guard up but she’s optimistic.  The ladies meet for brunch, and it’s incredibly awkward, made even more so by Bravo’s attempts at dramatic close-up shots of the table’s centerpiece or a random menu.  Andy Cohen, you are not Scorsese.  Teresa starts in on how close they used to be, and how much she ‘loved’ Kathy.  Kathy reminds Teresa that she still loves her…no past tense, and she’s met with an “Oh yeah, whatever, semantics, let’s not dwell on the past…let me just tell you about how I was terribly ambushed last night by my besties who I have never done or said a foul thing to, okay?  Totes thanks in advance for listening!”  Kathy tries to straddle the fence, but she isn’t about to take sides.  Instead, she just kills Teresa with kindness, saying they are cousins by blood but friends by choice.  She diverts Teresa’s attention with her bag of tricks.  Kathy is a modern day Mary Poppins (I’m sensing a theme), pulling out photos and seventeen year old diaper covers that Tre gifted to Victoria from her pocketbook.  Teresa seems genuinely touched that Kathy has kept all of these things.  Team Kathy!

Joe Gorga questions why his wifey is getting decked out for a phone interview with Ryan Seacrest.  Duh, Joe, she’s always “On Display!”  They aren’t skyping, are they?  The always humble Melissa wanted to lay low in light of her remix debuting with Seacrest, but ol’ Joey insisted on a huge soiree to celebrate the event.  Melissa has some well rehearsed answers to Ryan’s questions.  I have to give her credit…she isn’t crazy enough to think that Ryan likes her song, but she’s super happy for the major publicity.  Joe yells to Ryan from the background that she got to be so good at singing due to all their practice in the bedroom…she’ll likely be singing opera on her next album if he has anything to do with it.  Please forgive me while I go shower.  Heebie jeebies.  Oh, did I mention their kids are RIGHT THERE?  Earmuffs!

Joe of the Juicy variety is perplexed as to where his hundreds of Koi disappeared to, but Teresa placates him by exclaiming they must have been eaten by a stork.  Er, egret?  Heron?  She admits to her husband that she’s reconsidering the whole “real Italians don’t do therapy” stance she had formerly adopted.  Teresa is now willing to think about going to counseling with her brother.  Joe thinks that therapy is just plain embarrassing.  Joe tells a fabulous story about how he was forced into a school counseling session at age eleven…not because he was a bad kid, but you know, just because.  Teresa hopes that therapy will help her brother deal with his issues, and if she can help pinpoint, highlight, and exacerbate those issues, than it’s her duty to be of assistance.  Joe is worried that when Tre’s dad hears of this revelation, he’ll bury his head in the sand like a stork…I mean, ostrich. Why are they having champagne at the foot of their mile long driveway?  I hope no one mistakes them for having a lemonade sale!

Joe of the inappropriate sex comment variety (wait that could be either of them!  I’m referring to Gorga) is upset that haters are bashing his wife’s song on twitter.  He hopes she can enjoy the party.  She tries to lift herself up by reading positive tweets from her cast mates.  Melissa then turns to prayer.  In another SUV on the same stretch of road, Teresa is reading the comments about Melissa’s song as well.  She just had to make sure she added that someone tweeted “it sucks!!!!!” with five exclamation points.  Five.  Not four, but five.  Juicy shockingly says that Melissa is in a hard business.  Tre tries to conceal a smirk.  Joe and Chris have been exchanging text messages, and Joe seems to have changed his tune.  He tells his wife that Jacq is very upset about her prior behavior.

At the party, Rosie is getting her swerve on, and she’s sporting yet another cap from the future K.J. Biermann collection.  The Manzos arrive, and Jacqueline is feeling very uncomfortable being around all of Teresa’s family.  Kathy congratulates Caroline and Jacq on their brother/bro-in-law’s wedding.  Kathy hears Caroline’s side of events from the ‘loid smack down, and Kathy is hurt that Caroline is able to so quickly dismiss her cousin.  I have to applaud Kathy for not getting into the middle of the ladies’ dispute.  Teresa arrives, kisses Kathy, and shuns Jacq altogether.  Teresa tells brother Joe that she is willing to go to therapy.  Joe is surprised but wary.  Who is this very perky and agreeable Teresa?  In her interview, Tre reveals that she hopes the therapist will show her brother how he’s the one with the problem.  And there’s the old Teresa we all know and love!

Melissa thanks the crowd for coming to support her while her husband pelts her with flowers.  Yo, deejay!  Pump it up!  The crowd is dancing, but Jacq really wants to resolve her issues with Teresa. Jacqueline approaches her to apologize, but a simple “sorry” isn’t going to cut it with Teresa.  She’s hurt, y’all!  When Jacq asks why Teresa doesn’t get that while she’s hurt, maybe others are too, Teresa accuses Jacqueline of not knowing her at all.  Um, deflect much?  Teresa’s on the defense so often, she should consider a career in the NFL.  Hilariously, Chris and Albie watch from afar and add in their own dialogue.  Love.

Teresa wants to punch Jacqueline in the face.  I totally don’t think that Jacqueline is the most stable person on the planet, but she’s making sense where Teresa is just talking in circles and digging holes.  Chris and Juicy are having a much more civil conversation, but only because Chris is much better at pretending, for civility’s sake, that Joe isn’t being a total jackleg whose wife has been caught in multiple lies.  That Chris…he needs a spin-off where he just sits in a smoking jacket with a pipe answering viewers’ questions and offering sage advice.

Caroline, never one to meddle (cough, cough) decides the party is the perfect opportunity to tell Joe of the waxed chest, giant forehead, errant facial hair variety (which Joe?  I know, it could be either.) about her fallout with his sister.  She hopes that the two will now be able to focus on fixing their wounded relationship.  Joe now knows that Teresa is so willing to go to therapy because she’s losing friends left and right.  Regardless, he’s hoping it will work.  Melissa can’t believe that Teresa is stealing her thunder yet again.  As Jacq asks what she can do to repair the rift, Melissa comes by to see what is wrong.  Hey Jacq, do you want to tell her, because Teresa has absolutely no words.

Danielle Staub is once again brought up, and Jacqueline walks away with a finite “f–k you.”  Teresa tries to explain to Melissa why she’s been tweeting with Danielle.  Melissa is pretty quiet when accused of e-mailing with Danielle.  Why am I not surprised?  I have to hand it to her though, at least she’s not lying and making up excuses…yet.  Melissa tries to explain herself, despite interruptions from Teresa.  Melissa totally admits to contacting Danielle.  Jacqueline is trying to get over how nice she is with the help of Karen and tequila.  Melissa apologizes and sincerely hopes that the two can move forward.  She teases Teresa (rookie move), and quickly realizes she needs to backtrack.  Huggsies!

A wasted Rosie is trying to mend fences with the GiudicesTeresa is thrilled that her family dynamic is back on track.  They celebrate by a round of lip kissing.  Yeah, because that is totally normal!  Teresa just doesn’t understand how her friends have changed so much, when she has remained completely the same.  Check that…she’s not completely the same.  The current Teresa is much more understanding than the Teresa from season’s past.  Thanks for that clarification, Tre!

Next week, Jacq wonders why the Giudices are still going to Napa when they really aren’t speaking to most of their travel companions.  Rosie tells Teresa in no uncertain terms that the tabloid BS needs to end, and poor G-to-the-IA is once again forced to discuss things she is too young to be privy to…aka her mother’s deteriorating relationship with her favorite (only?) uncle.  The therapist has Teresa’s number.  His wife is clearly a fan of the show.


[Photo Credit: Bravo]