Real Housewives of New York Recap: A Pinot In The Face

On last night’s episode of Real Housewives of New York drama over London continued. The city that likely paid Bravo to keep Pinot Singer from outside it’s fair confines for fear of what may occur has stood its ground and used Holla Thomson as the first offensive round in protecting its citizens from the wrath of pinot. That’s right, Heather proves that NOT inviting someone on a cast trip actually causes more drama than inviting them. How did she swing this one?

Things begin with a friendly lunch between Ramona, Aviva Drescher, and Carole Radziwill. Carole giggles nervously a lot as if she’s afraid to breathe wrong in the presence of the hair-trigger Ramona who is already on the wine. Was it even noon? Ramona shoves some skincare down everyone’s throats in the form of gifts.

Sonja Morgan was supposed to attend but bailed feigning illness. The girls launch right in to discussing Holla, who “talks a lot” and apparently it’s very hard to weed through a conversation with her. Carole and Aviva seem awkward discussing this given that Pinot approaches a conversation in much the same way. Who exactly were they talking about? Pinot or Holla?

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Holla and Pinot will be getting a drink together out talk too much at each other. We learn Heather’s assistant is screening her invitations and responding to those accordingly. A bit rude, no?

Sonja has blown off Ramona for LuAnn de Lesseps and they are grabbing drinks at a more exclusive establishment. Sonja likes only the best – and the fancier restaurants contain more potential rich hubbies. Luann thinks Ramona is jealous of relationship with Sonja and launches right into telling an exasperated Sonja that Ramona controls her. LuAnn tries to control Sonja by demanding she stop letting Ramona control her. I can be your bodyguard and you can call me “Lu.”

Carole and her friend Tripp go scope out the Occupy Wallstreet protests. Carole gives us some background information on her career as a journalist with ABC. She takes some photos of the protests and gets body painted before wafting off for a drink and some french fries. I swear – every scene she’s in Carole is eating. Does she have a tapeworm?

Carole asks Tripp if he thinks they’re part of the 1%? Rhetorical question of the episode! That rhetorical question belongs right next to: Is Ramona controlling? Tripp thinks Carole is a thrill seeker – which explains her involvement in reality TV.  “The Upper East sides a scary place,” he muses. “I’ve been to dinner parties scarier than a war zone…,” Carole concurs.

Speaking of war zones – Ramona vs. Heather do drinks. Ramona is so desperately fishing for a London invite and Heather stands her ground and doesn’t even mention the trip. It was certainly the big ol’ elephant in the room, but rudeness is always an elephant in the room where Ramona is concerned. It’s interesting to see her on the other side of the equation as the recipient of the rude.

These two just do. not. click. Heather really keeps Ramona on her toes. Basically the drinks go badly because they both just talk at each other and in circles like delusional little dogs circling each other over the mirage of a little bone. Heather announces that Ramona is “borderline” co-sign!

At one point some sort of tiff erupts over an invitation Ramona extended to only ten of her closest frinends for some award. So, if she can only invite TEN PEOPLE why did Heather make the cut? Heather seems confused and doesn’t even remember getting the invite – the perplexed expression was priceless. Both ladies whip out their blackberries to begin scanning their email for the elusive invite. Pinot just wants Holla to respond, Holla just wants to remember what the heck Ramona is talking about.

Pinot is realizing where she stands in Holla‘s list of importance… the junk mail folder. It’s right next to the trashcans with her learning annex magazine cover. Proving just how badly things are going, Ramona turns down the offer for another glass of wine. And I think that was a first people! I rewound at least three times for confirmation that I wasn’t experiencing a hallucination of my own.

LuAnn and Heather go to an art show. Heather dishes a bit about the Ramona conflict and the two cackle and bond over not being able to take the crazy. Heather invites Lu-lu to London, and of course she can come along. Doesn’t LuAnn have two teenaged children? Where will they be going?

So everyone is officially invited but Ramona, which I think is both a set-up and authentic. What is inauthentic is that everyone can go with no consideration. LuAnn refers to Heather as “Gangster chic.” I appreciate that Heather isn’t bending to the Ramona will.

At Sonja‘s townhouse of errors with the sliding down walls and the leaking roof and the 2 of seven toilets being clogged, she’s having a breakfast in bed while her assistant scrambles around trying to look relevant for TV. What the hell kind of mother thinks their daughter can learn anything of value from ol panty flashing Ms. Morgan. How to hook a geriatric millionaire and lose him to a crazier woman?

Sonja doesn’t do any form of information but the newspaper. “How will I know if I don’t read the Post?” she wonders emphatically. I’m glad Sonja is back to original Sonja this season. She has some voicemail drama – she never listens to her messages. This is a thing, she’s too busy. Changing light bulbs equates to doing her own electrical work, didn’t you know. She must leave a new voicemail message telling people not to leave a voicemail message and it take several attempts. I bet Ramona could have instructed her on how to get it right on the first try!

Heather and Aviva are meeting up for a drink. Aviva is late and Heather is left standing on the corner under the flashing red lights waiting. Nice imagery. Aviva needs Heather to hold her hand in the elevator and then order a drink for her. Aviva seems a wee bit co-dependent. Aviva can’t go to London because she is too nervous to go without Reid, has a flying phobia, and the trip is too short notice.

Naturally the conversation shifts to Ramona. Heather is shocked that people think she and Ramona have a lot in common. I would say they have similar traits, but Heather seems far more together, down-to-earth, and not in desperate need of Xanax.

Heather is content with not really clicking with Ramona – despite what Bravo and Aviva (in the form of a peer mediator) want. And Heather doesn’t care that she talks alot. Aviva tells her she has a lot of nice things to say. Is that on a friendship plaque? I need one.

Sonja is the recipient of a Social Life Magazine cover and a party will be given in her honor. All the ladies are in attendance.

Carole arrives looking phenomenal; channeling Lee Radziwill from the Halston era realness. Le sigh. LuAnn starts nervously rambling about her long-divorced royal connections. Carole says she has “royal Tourettes.” Wasn’t Prince Bourghese on The Bachelor? I hardly call that a royal worth bragging over. Très embarrassment!

Ramona decides she’s going to again try and force Heather to invite her to London by creating awkward situations. Heather is too good at this game. She is Gangsta chic! Ramona is having a wine launch dinner for her new red wine. Ramona invites the women and their husbands because she always likes to invite everyone. Yes – she invites EVERYONE. Everyone, didn’t you know? Every single person every single time. Everyone. That’s Pinot on subtle.

Except people can’t go without their husbands? So Carole can never come to any Pinot-vents cause she’s a widow? Huh?

Heather still hasn’t mentioned that London is even happening and ignores Ramona‘s obvious pleas for attention by laughing things off and insisting her husband doesn’t care to attend her events.

Ramona commandeers Aviva to complain – at loud volume – about Heather. Ramona is so different when she’s drunk that it’s completely obvious.

Ramona doesn’t think Heather understood her subtle dig about inviting everyone because she doesn’t listen. “Pinot on my head,” a drunk Ramona roars making a terrible metaphor about the idea of a light bulb going off.

Ramona is just beside herself that Heather doesn’t want to vacation with her. Look – Heather doesn’t have to invite Ramona to everything – even if Ramona invites Heather to everything. Aviva wants Ramona to ask why she wasn’t invited. Oh, Aviva… that’s, like, the way real people behave.

Next Pinot accosts Sonja – at Sonja’s party – to complain about Heather. Shockingly, Sonja behaves rationally. The new girls are rubbing off on her. Sonja says she’s going and it’s Heather’s decision who she wants to invite. Apparently, Sonja is now a bad friend. Ramona is ranting and sloshing pinot all over Sonja and Aviva while berating Sonja for going to the trip.

Ramona yanks Mario into the bathroom to complain about Sonja now, who she repeatedly calls an “airhead” and a bad friend. Pinot has Teresa Giudice syndrome – if you don’t agree or tell her what she wants to hear you may just find yourself relegated to the bad friend category.

Poor Mario gets stuck babysitting Ramona and reminding her that it’s not actually Sonja‘s trip and she should relax.

Sonja didn’t seem to know Heather and Ramona were not getting along, but even if that’s the case Heather does not owe Ramona an invite. I agree. Heather is under no obligation to involve Ramona on her trip – regardless of Bravo or Ramona exerting pressure on the situation. Ramona storms out, yanking Mario behind her.

Aviva calls it like it is – a “temper tantrum” oh Aviva, you’re in for a rude awakening… this is Ramona-lite! Ramona is the drama. Carole would have invited her for amusement factor, because Carole clearly loves bad TV and is my soul-sister. Additionally she wants to stick close to the drama so she doesn’t miss anything. That’s the former war correspondent talking.

Learning how upset Ramona is, Heather is flabbergasted and her response is “what the eff?!” Girl – you took the words right out of our mouths.

Insincere and disingenuous is not Heather‘s game – so no Pinot in London. Sonja seems a little relieved to be attending this trip sans Ramona. Aviva tries one last-ditch effort to get Heather to extend the invite. I think Bravo is using Aviva as their pawn or girl just loves to be in the middle of the ish. Back away slowly, Aviva, ask Lu what happens when you get mixed up that mess.

Next Week: Aviva is the ambassador of Ramona, a job Sonja is more than glad to retire from. LuAnn starts fertility treatments (yuck!) and Ramona starts kissing Carole’s butt. Are they going to London already?

SHOULD HEATHER HAVE INVITED RAMONA TO LONDON? IS AVIVA TRYING TO START DRAMA OR DOES SHE JUST WANT EVERYONE TO GET ALONG?