Southern Charm Recap: Carolina Day–The Celebration Of Our Nation’s First Steps Toward Independence…And The Bitch Slap

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Happy Carolina Day, y'all! I hope you all celebrate appropriately come June 28th! On last night's Southern Charm, J.D.'s party was the culmination of Kathryn Dennis making her way through all the guys on this show save for the one guy who truly liked her from the start. Poor Craig Conover. He never had a chance!  Too young and too poor…not to mention the fact he's from Delaware. A tragic combination all around!

As the episode begins, Kathryn has made good on her promise from last week of cooking breakfast for Thomas Ravenel, and the pair discuss what dress she should get to accentuate her "beautiful physique" for J.D.'s fete. She wonders if the new couple should be worried about the opposition they will face at the upcoming party. T-Rav loves the potential in his new lass. She's smart and funny and really, really young.


Cameran Eubanks meets up with Whitney Sudler-Smith at a cigar bar. Cameran orders the bar's finest Riesling while needling Whitney about his obvious love for personal assistant Brandi. He approaches his relationship with Brandi as purely professional even if he does fantasize about her every night. Whitney should join the yacht club and Brandi should hit up the Junior League while Cameran channels her inner realtor to find Whitney a nice new home. He'll get out of the Bates Motel with mom Patricia. She's a good sell, wrangling in Whitney as her first deep pocketed client.

J.D. lists his resume as the reason to celebrate South Carolina. He's a host with the most, and that's why his Carolina Day soiree is the best thing to hit Charleston since this show. Oh, wait. T-Rav arrives for a close shave at J.D.'s barber shop, and Jenna King calls to reveal that she and Cameran will be attending the party together. What, no Lou? J.D. interrogates his friend about his budding new relationship with Kathryn. T-Rav is ready for the father-daughter jokes, and he doesn't care. He's in love lust! 

Poor Shep Rose is still devastated about his situation with M.J. She comes over to his house, and he wants an apology. He's as dramatic as a sixth grade girl who just learned she'll never date any member of One Direction, questioning M.J. about her loyalty and why she's hanging out with her ex-boyfriend from Ohio. It's tragic. He's taken a knife to the heart over the fact that she won't spend as much time with him as he wants. She is as confused as I am. Why can't she hang out with whomever she wants? Is it is his ego? (yes) M.J. quickly grows tired of Shep's whining and hits the road before even getting half way through her beer. A girl in the South not finishing her beverage? Things must be bad!

At the delicious Husk, Patricia and Whitney order gin drinks in a fashion that would make Meg Ryan's character in When Harry Met Sally beyond proud. T-Rav joins the pair, and it's almost like the Spanish Inquisition, but with less cannons and more cattiness. Patricia dives right in with her questions. While she's impressed with Kathryn's pedigree (her great-great-great-grandfather was John C. Calhoun, after all!), she's not impressed with her Bozo the Clown hair color. She's very familiar with Kathryn as Patricia remembers seeing her in her kitchen after a late night with Whitney. You don't say! Patricia passive aggressively taunts T-Rav about his young paramour, but he is too classy (did I write that?) to take the bait. As he graciously bows out, Patricia laughs that she's drunk at lunch. The fact that Kathryn had breakfast in Patricia's home after an Ann Taylor Loft night with her son totally goes over T-Rav's perfectly coiffed head. 

Later T-Rav meets up with Kathryn to share his interaction. He tells her that Patricia and Whitney critiqued everything from her age to her hair color. Kathryn responds with a litany of "bullsh*ts." Kathryn explains that Whitney has always praised her in the past. Thomas wonders when the two spent so much time together. Kathyrn admits that Whitney once tried to give her a make-over, but she stops short when T-Rav asks if she was in his bedroom. Um, yes. What's the big deal? Kathryn thought he was gay…even after they made-out. Shockingly, T-Rav buys this excuse hook, line, and sinker. I may need Bravo to give young Kathryn some subtitles for when she's slurring. Girlfriend likes her cocktails as much as I do, for sure! 

Patricia summons Whitney from his guitar practice, and the pair enjoy a beverage on the veranda. Whitney's mom questions her son about the banal and pedestrian world of the restaurant business. She suggests that they enlist an old friend who is responsible for Planet Hollywood to invest in her son's dream so that Whitney can spend more time on his film making. Ah yes, Mother. Nothing says culinary class like Don Johnson's framed jacket from Miami Vice as restaurant decor. Speaking of decor, J.D. is overseeing the planning of his big event. He wants to get the details out of the way so that he can party with the best of them.

Kathryn and T-Rav prep for the evening. She's applying fake eyelashes while T-Rav bitches about taking down Whitney. Whitney has no clue about the storm that is heading his way. He has bigger fish to fry, like finding a cutting age tux to go with his antique cufflinks. #southofbroadproblems Meanwhile, Jenna and Cameran complain about the torrential downpour that is putting a literal damper on the Carolina Day shindig. Here's hoping Cam's car doesn't get stuck in a flood on the Crosstown!  The entire gang is dressing to the nines in anticipation of the big event.

The crew descends on Sermets for J.D.'s party. Wait, was that former Leuitenant Governor Andre Bauer? T-Rav loves Kathryn's dress so much, he'd rather forgo the pleasantries and just take it off now. Danni arrives, right on cue. Someone is trying to work the Shep angle now that M.J. is out of the picture. Whitney hates on Craig's Delaware roots. Is he wearing a skinny tie? Oh, the horror! I think Whitney has the vapors! T-Rav and Kathryn bounce into the party, and their friends are in different stages of bitchy over the couple's coming out party. The age difference, her dress! It's all going to be fodder for the Post & Courier for sure. 

Someone I know would be incredibly nauseated by this Carolina Day situation, but thankfully he doesn't have cable (much less a television) to partake in this debacle. After a history lesson from J.D., the guests share champagne toasts before dinner. Cameran captures the opulence with her iPhone while Jenna jokes about getting to third base under the table. Yup, classy. When Whitney describes Kathryn as a young Rita Hayworth, he's met with grunting and eye-rolling from the tween who doesn't recognize a compliment…or an icon. Whitney can't keep his mouth shut when Thomas starts puffing his chest, and he bets T-Rav that no one would come to a dinner party he hosted. Thomas then threatens to bitch slap his former friend. Yes, folks. Welcome to the South. We bitch slap. It's what gentlemen do. Thomas then accuses Whitney of trying to sleep with his girlfriend as Whitney tries to sleep with everyone who crosses his path. I think that T-Rav accidentally confused Whitney for Kathryn in that accusation.

All of T-Rav's friends feel the need to stage an intervention. Craig knows that Kathryn has a hidden agenda. Thomas then puts Kathryn in the hot seat. Did Whitney invite her over? Um, no. I mean, he did. He called her after midnight, and she went to Whitney's for a friendly political debate. Kathryn stumbles over her words (again, Bravo, subtitles!), but swears up and down that Whitney never put the moves on her. T-Rav excuses himself for some air. He's impressed that Kathryn has tried to diffuse the situation. Is that what she was doing? Because to me it looked like she made him look foolish. Like any gentleman would do, T-Rav returns to the table to challenge Whitney to a duel. It is Carolina Day, after all! Shouldn't he be concerned that his new girlfriend either lied to him or threw him under the bus…maybe both? 

Shep corners Danni for a make-out, and I'm glad something is finally working out for the poor fella. Kathryn chugs her wine while Whitney and T-Rav head into the rain for fisticuffs. J.D. begs them to utilize the alley way instead of brawling on King Street. Brawling? Is this how Charlestonians brawl? First, T-Rav warns Whitney of his high school wrestling credentials. Next, Whitney reminds T-Rav that if a hand is laid upon him, he'll call the police and have Thomas arrested for assault. How's that for scandal? Deadlocked, there is nothing but this tough pair to do but walk away and start dancing. It's very Sharks versus Jets. Only in the South. 


[Photo Credit: Bravo]