Southern Charm Recap: Dropping Knowledge And Bombs

southern charm kathryn thomas craig

So I'm writing this (obviously) before the big Southern Charm announcement on Watch What Happens Live, but I'm going to predict that Thomas Ravenel is now a dad. I heard this weekend from a friend of a friend of a friend of Kathryn Dennis that the pair welcomed a baby last week. Kevin Bacon has nothing on the degrees of separation in a Southern town!  I'm going to keep this prediction in my recap just to see…

Last night's episode begins with Craig Conover and Cameran Eubanks getting up early (separately) the morning after the Carolina Day party. After all, unlike their counterparts, they have jobs. Craig knows he needs to buckle down and focus on becoming a successful attorney. After coming home at a decent hour from the soiree, Cameran is ready for the day. She is walking South of Broad with her broker Eve and sharing the gossip from the fete. Eve gushes "T-Rav, oh my Lord!" and admits she spent some time with "that rascal" about fifteen years ago. This confirms Cameran's assumption that T-Rav gets older and older, but he always goes after the young ladies. The women tour his next-door neighbor's home for a potential sale. Is it just me, or is it weird that Cameran didn't know where T-Rav lived? The ladies head next door to call on T-Rav, but he's not home…however, there is a half finished lead crystal old fashioned of scotch on his window sill. Sounds about right.


Whitney Sudler-Smith is filling in mother Patricia about the event, and Patricia can't hear a word her son says until she's had her gin-infused medicine. Patricia is confused about the bitch-slapping, and she isn't surprised to hear that all the drama surrounded "that redhead." She compliments her son on his dueling skills, and then moves on to the "darling, darling Shep." She thinks Shep Rose is a sweet fellow, but he's not an ideal business partner for her boy. Getting back to T-Rav, Patricia suggests that the men freeze their sperm. I don't think Thomas needs to at this point! Meanwhile, the illustrious Will Folks stops by his meal ticket's home to find T-Rav nursing a hangover. Thomas questions his "political consultant" about his relationship with Kathryn. He likes her poise and moxie, but he doesn't need another tawdry addition to his resume. Will reminds Thomas that he's got much bigger scandals in his past that he's already overcome. The men laugh over T-Rav's recent arrest for DUI. It's so hilarious!  

Jenna King and Cameran are lunching at Hominy Grill. Cameran has prepped for their meal of dessert and wine with some Gas-X. Southern girls don't pass gas…plus, she ate Taco Bell earlier. She may literally be a girl after my own heart. The girls dissect the party, and Jenna finds it hilarious that Kathryn is always at the center of the drama. Jenna laughs at Kathryn's admission that she's known Thomas since she was a baby. Cameran believes that Kathryn's maturity level isn't quite on the same level as the rest of the crew (well, probably just her). While the thirty year age gap may be odd for some, Kathryn may just be as mature, if not more, than Thomas.

On Sullivan's Island, Kathryn and T-Rav are drinking their lunch, and he questions her again about Whitney's behavior. We're reminded that Whitney questioned Kathryn about why she insinuated that he hit on her. She gets a bit worried when Thomas tells her that he'll be including Whitney on his dinner party guest list. Kathryn slurs that Whitney isn't important, and she urges him to include Cameran and Jenna. On cue, Jenna and Cameran receive a phone call in which T-Rav invites them to dinner and warns that he will be taking five minutes before the meal to share his valuable life advice. Cameran laughs at the thought of it, wondering if Thomas will be handing out condoms as party favors. 

Cameran has gotten a new car, so she scoops up Shep for a joy ride. She's named her new BMW Unicorn, and she's happy to be rid of her old hoopty (aka, the Mercedes convertible she was driving). The duo heads to the Shrimp Shack. Cameran is jonesing for some peel-and-eat shrimp, but Shep doesn't do manual labor. Shep and Cameran giggle over the idea of T-Rav relaying his knowledge, but Shep finds it weird that Thomas insisted that he bring Dani as his date. He reveals to Cameran that he and Dani shared a little kiss at Carolina Day, but he's still not blown away by her. It's not her, it's him…but hey, if T-Rav is providing free booze, he's up for whatever.

The man behind Planet Hollywood is meeting with Whitney about his grand plan for a high-end Mexican venture. Whitney implores Brian for help, but Brian is wary when he hears of Shep's involvement. Brian wouldn't open a hot dog stand with Shep. So what if Shep is giving money? What does that mean? An open tab at the bar? A standing table with his bros? Brian is concerned that Shep would drink them out of business in a week. He's probably right. Brian is on board…as long as Shep gets kicked to the curb. It's uncomfortable to hear Whitney try to use the word "bro" in a conversation. 

Kathryn and T-Rav are dressing for his dinner party, and Kathryn feels just like a mermaid. Her bun is so tight that her eyes may pop out of their sockets. They go over the seating chart, and Kathryn snarks that Whitney should be sitting at the kids' table. A few blocks away, Jenna is helping Whitney dress for the evening. He hopes that Thomas has calmed down since the last time they saw each other. When J.D. arrives at T-Rav's home, he finds it funny that Thomas has planned an evening around imparting his great wisdom. Kathryn bats her spider-like fake eyelashes and slurs that she plans ensure that everyone is respectful at this classy dinner. Seriously, is that just how she talks or is she always intoxicated? 

Shep and Dani are the next guests to arrive at the party, and T-Rav is secretly hoping that Dani will regret passing on him. When Jenna and Whitney get to the party, Shep finds the entire situation awkward. He compares it to a dinner-theater, whodoneit. Craig is a bit late for the shindig, but thankfully he gets there just in time to hear Thomas waxing poetic about life lessons. As T-Rav drones on about the Glass Menagerie, Shep can't help but laugh. He feels like he's in a Monty Python film with Thomas as the head idiot. Whitney smugly reminds us that Thomas' comparison is in an incorrect literary analysis. Thomas then admits that he fell in love with a beverage cart attendant but threw her away weeks before their wedding because she wasn't what he expected for his life. Kathryn is clearly uncomfortable. T-Rav then chastises his guests for their shortcomings, focusing mainly on Whitney's intolerance. Craig is trying his hardest not to laugh. Cameran wants to know what happened to the beverage cart girl. Thomas reveals that she returned the huge check he gave her ripped into pieces. He then says he'd be all over said bev-cart lady like white on rice if she were still single. 

The crowd starts talking about how dating rituals have changed, and Craig announces that chivalry is not dead. Kathryn takes major offense to this statement, and she disagrees that there are chivalrous men left in this world. She denounces him as "not classy" (I'm still not sure why she's so mad at Craig…she should be bitch slapping T-Rav!). Craig fires back that he refuses to take lessons on class from a girl who has slept with three guys at the dinner table in as many weeks. It's so quiet, you could hear an Old Master salad fork hit the floor. A drunk Kathryn is crying in the bathroom, and Dani reminds her that it's Thomas' job to defend her to his guests. The majority of the crew hightails it out of the dinner party, and Craig warns T-Rav to keep his guard up around Kathryn. Kathryn storms out to find out what the men are talking about it. As Craig thanks the host for his hospitality, Kathryn dismisses him from the party with a giant "f you." Shep and Dani miss the craziness because they are too busy making out in the kitchen. Thomas wonders why Kathryn is so upset if Craig was lying. A legitimate question, indeed! 

Okay, on Watch What Happens Live I am in heaven to see my fave friends from The People's Couch are bartending. I have a strong fear that T-Rav's announcement is going to be anti-climatic. Perhaps this is how he shares that he's running for office? Shep, of course, is double fisting. Cameran's Real World: San Diego experience is revealed when Andy Cohen opens the vault. Aww crap. Thomas just insinuated that he'd run against Lindsey Graham for U.S. Senate. Geez. That can't be the announcement, can it? Certainly the announcement isn't that he really hasn't, like maybe, been doing cocaine since his release from prison. Cameran coyly admits that she's engaged but her fiance didn't want to be a part of the show. When a viewer questions why Shep thinks he's such a catch, he charmingly jokes he's a "catch and throw back." In a game of "Never Have I Ever," both T-Rav and Shep drink to a threesome. Cameran has to ask the rules, but I'm sure this isn't her first time playing. They've all smoked weed, and both Shep and Thomas have been in handcuffed…for different reasons. T-Rav is also chugging on phone sex and streaking. I don't buy for a second he doesn't have a sex tape! Andy needs to stop calling him "the Candidate." Oh South Carolina. I'm sorry. I'm sure Thomas will be hiking the Appalachian Trail before we know it! Thomas does win points with Andy for his stance on gay rights. T-Rav admits that his siblings, being the South of Broad clan, are mortified by the show, but his parents love to talk about it. Andy announces that the show was Shepic, and Shep gifts the host with a bunch of gifts on which the South Carolina flag threw up…because we love our flag. Wait, no announcement? WHAT? The fact that T-Rav MAY run was it? Lame. I have got to get to the bottom of this phantom pregnancy…