Southern Charm Reunion Recap: Eye Know The Eyelashes Were Horr-Eye-ble

southern charm reunion

I have to admit that I was oh-so-hoping that the Southern Charm reunion would actually be filmed in Charleston, and I had grand plans of stalking Andy Cohen. No such luck…the clubhouse it is!  As the reunion begins, Andy introduces the crew. Cameran Eubanks looks gorgeous, and Craig Conover is rocking some serious red pants. Shep Rose looks three sheets to the wind already, but hey, isn't that why we love him?  

Andy starts by asking Thomas Ravenel about new baby Kensington, and T-Rav says that she's brought so much joy to his life, he wishes he'd started a family sooner…like when he was Kathryn Dennis' age. His daughter would be out of college by now! 

Andy brings up a recent article in the New York Times about how "Charlestonians don't like the show and wish y'all hadn't done it." Mad props for Andy's casual use of "y'all"! As the cast cites that the older society members don't like change, Craig reveals that everyone he's encountered loves the show. In fact, he hasn't paid for drinks in weeks. He shares that men are big fans which he didn't expect, and I have to agree. My Facebook news feed is often filled with Shep, J.D., and Craig happy hours from some guys I've worked with in the past. #fangirls Craig and Shep say these man fans blame their wives for getting them hooked on Southern Charm. Unfortunately, Whitney Sudler-Smith's mom Patricia has the flu and can't attend the reunion. Whitney says his mom takes the show in stride because she knows she's better than most. Thomas agrees. Shep shares an anecdote about Patricia getting all dolled up to go to Whole Foods when the show started airing, only to be disappointed that no one recognized her. I can assure you that I was NOT at Whole Foods that day or I'd have a new profile picture featuring the Ann Taylor Loft hating matriarch.


Cameran is congratulated on her recent nuptials, and Andy touts her as the moral compass of her cast mates while being the biggest pot stirrer. All of her friends weigh in, teasing about Cameran's soapbox and her "self-righteous" (as T-Rav jokes) judgments of their lives. Everyone is genuinely laughing, and no one seems mad or truly upset. Take note, housewives! When Andy brings up her Real World past, Cameran admits that Whitney convinced her to dive back into reality television. After all, he is one of the show's executive producers. Has Jenna King even spoken yet? Cameran doesn't regret her experience, and she explains that her new husband had no desire to be on the show. When Andy asks if any of the guys ever made a pass at Cameran, Jenna is the only one who raises her hand. Craig, Shep, and Whitney are like Cameran's brothers. Jenna reminds us that Shep once came on to her, and Shep sheepishly cops to it. Both are tickled by his admission.

Citing the man-centered drama, Andy wonders if men handle the craziness differently. Craig responds that while the men dive into the drama, they are much quicker to forgive and forget while women hold a grudge. Preach, Craig! Whitney admits that the said and did a lot of things he regrets in regards to Thomas, but they are still as tight as ever. Craig thinks he was a good friend to his cast mates, and he blames his Northern upbringing for being more vocal and loud. The guys trash on Craig's bro code, and I don't think that there is any love lost between Craig and Whitney…or Shep for that matter. Shep jokes that Craig is too picky–he's on the sidelines while Shep is throwing touchdowns. Craig quips that he's more of a quality over quantity guy. I think Craig is feeling the sting a bit, but Shep retorts that if a guy lowers his standard, he'll raise his average. The men tend to think that Craig is too uptight, while they are relaxed to the point of almost being comatose. Andy is just surprised that they keep fishing for ladies in the same tiny pond…perhaps they are casting their lines in Colonial Lake? 

Shep defends his life of leisure, and Cameran decides to retract her statement that Shep should be on the marriage track. Shep gets irked with the line of questioning, saying he hates to ask permission for anything. He tells Andy he wasn't upset that Whitney's friend would be worried to open a hot dog stand with Shep because what did he do? He opened a hot dog stand. Alanis Morissette is writing new lyrics as I type, for sure! Shep went to the University of Georgia undergrad and Vanderbilt business school…he's over-educated and under-motivated. Plus, he's got lots of trust funds. Questioned about Danni, Shep explains that he's been in love twice, and sadly, she wasn't one of them. Shep wants a girl who calls him out at every turn. Maybe Jenna is the perfect match! Shep's form of birth control is assuming that the girl is on birth control. That's smart. He admits that on a scale of one-to-ten, he was a seven on the fear factor when he found out Kathryn was pregnant. He was so stressed out by the news as he was coming off a three day bender. Hey, at least he's honest. 

T-Rav shares that there was a paternity test, and Kensington is his, not Shep's…or Whitney's…or whoever else's. Whitney stands by his assertion that he initially thought Kathryn was trying to trick Thomas into a relationship and a family. However, after learning that Thomas and Kathryn were trying for a baby, he realizes that everything worked out for the best. Shep reminds viewers that Whitney is killing it in the lady department which is a bit weird given the fact that he's had a girlfriend for almost six months.  Oh, and he's also moved back in with Patricia, but he's got his own wing. Whitney's girlfriend is twenty-one, but it's okay because European women are more cultured and mature. It's not a double-standard that he thought Kathryn was too young for T-Rav. Keep telling yourself that, Whitney!

Andy keeps dropping "y'all" bombs, and he accuses Thomas of slurring his way through most of the episodes. Amen. T-Rav admits that he isn't much of a drinker, so plying him with alcohol was very slur-inducing. When asked about why Thomas did the show, Craig interrupts to say that T-Rav is probably more likeable after doing the show. I begrudgingly agree. Whitney thinks Thomas makes for an honest and refreshing candidate. Craig believes Thomas is the voice of this generation. That may be a bit of a stretch. T-Rav thinks that his relationship with Kathryn and being a new dad makes him more relatable to voters. A viewer asks about whether Thomas' father's comment about getting rid of "Lincolns" was racist. Thomas states that his father is really just cheap, and he was leaving the tip–Thomas didn't want to ask him for a ten dollar bill. He further explains that his father abhors slavery, but he was raised in a time when people still judged Lincoln for starting a war that killed so many. Um, is his dad two hundred years old? Nice try.

Questioned about Kathryn's promiscuity among the guys on the show, Thomas admits that she probably didn't do what she did knowing that she would have to defend herself to everyone watching. He further cites the double standard regarding men and women having multiple partners. Andy rehashes the dinner party from hell, and Whitney found the entire premise of T-Rav's lecture to be totally preposterous. Cameran loved a preachy Thomas. Andy wonders if Thomas' "one that got away" has reached out to Thomas, and he reveals that Kathryn wouldn't appreciate him communicating or discussing the beverage cart girl. Andy calls out Thomas for being very emotional about this mystery girl. His entire demeanor has changed. 

Jenna responds to the haters who wonder how she makes her money. She's a great gambler, and she's invested well…or rather, her ex-boyfriend Lou (yes, EX!) invested well for her while buying her a lot of red-bottomed shoes and fun pricey gifts. And that quick commercial break teaser was pretty much Jenna's reunion highlight. I'll admit, I would have liked to learn more about her since we weren't treated to much on the actual show.  Andy asks Craig if he was envious of his cast members' lifestyles (he totes is). Craig calls out T-Rav's prison sentence and Whitney living with his mom while reminding everyone that he's the only one with a real job. Eh, a real part-time clerkship situation. Craig needs to study for the bar first. The crew is educated on "the swirl" when a woman asks Craig if he'd be down for it, and then Andy feels the need to touch Craig's hair. 

I am going to refrain from commenting on Kathryn joining everyone in the clubhouse. She just gave birth a month ago, but there is no excuse for those black pantyhose. 1989 is calling! Okay, now I'll refrain. Kathryn is hurt by the onslaught of judgment she's received, but Shep reminds her that everyone knew what they were signing up for when they agreed to do the show. When Andy questions her about why she initially lied about her relations with Whitney, Kathryn apologizes for not being honest. Everyone agrees that lying about a former sexcapade is par for the course in real life. Kathryn claims Whitney was a drunken mistaken, but Shep? Well, Shep was "kinda fun." Shep agrees. Andy finds this conversation to be totally awkward, and I totally agree. T-Rav is fine with it all. Kathryn found Thomas' love admission for the bev-cart girl to be inappropriate, but their relationship has grown and things are better. 

Andy wonders if Kathryn finds it funny that Thomas and her father are close to the same age. Not at all! Kathryn scoffs at conspiracy theories which claim she dipped her first pregnancy test in beer (or champs!) instead of her actual urine. She states that she and Thomas reconciled before finding out she was preggo. I am not sure I believe this, but who am I to judge? Oh wait…that's kind of my gig here, right? She shares that the pair actually got back together the day following the break-up. Okay, I do believe that. Their relationship is super middle school. T-Rav's cast mates are split on Thomas' cry fest. Whitney was embarrassed for his friend, and Shep always laughs when he sees a dude shed a tear. That sounds about right. Kathryn explains that their daughter's name is part family (Calhoun) and part a moniker she liked (Kensington is where Princess Di once lived, y'all!). Cameran admits that she's seen Kathryn do a complete 180 from her time on the show now that she's become a mom. Shep feels like Kathryn's pre-baby behavior was like that of any other twenty-one-year-old. As Andy share baby pictures, Kathryn apologizes for her horrific eyelashes. She HAS learned a lot! The cast believes that the show's haters now have something more to gossip about than what their neighbors are doing, and isn't that what Bravo offered us on a grander scale?  


[Photo Credit: Bravo]