Real Housewives Of New York Recap: Jackpots And Jacka$$es!

george molests kristen on rhony

I just want to get out of the way that Aviva Drescher's father George is disgusting. Now Ramona Singer is no slouch when it comes to inappropriate comments and unfathomable rudeness, but at least Pinot mostly restricts her mouth to inserting her pinot-soaked foot in it and spilling out gaffes of astonishing social ineptitude. George, on the other hand, takes it to the level of grotesque and I am frankly insulted that Bravo expected viewers to enjoy that.

In the midst of George and Ramona's argument last night on Real Housewives of New York, she was matched level-for-level with him in trashy, inappropriate comments, although Ramona's comments are as inappropriately lewd in terms of insulting rudeness as George's are in insulting sexual harassment. I'm not going to really repeat what was said save for the fact that if I were Ramona I'd be contacting the EEOC about harassment in the workplace! Yuck and yuck and more yuck!

It would have been nice if one of these two self-righteous hubris-obsessed blowhards could have taken the highroad instead of mutually sinking to an abhorrent level, but alas… not gonna happen right? In other news Sonja Morgan got drunk – send a press release! 


So George proposed to 25-year-old girlfriend Cody by shoving a shopping bag in her lap and saying "here, you'll like it." Romance is dead. Naturally everyone wants to know what exactly the attractive, successful, and young Cody sees in the lascivious and unattractive octogenarian George. Aviva and Sonja set out to find just that. Apparently it's both the sex and the intellect. After that they are convinced Cody is not out for George's money but is sincere in her love.

Cody also reveals that George cryogenically froze his sperm (his stuff still works? It's like 100,000 years old – no way it's potent!) so that she can have his children after he dies – when she's 35. Sonja and Aviva gush about how caring George is looking out for Cody's well-being. ?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!? was my response. 

Aviva throws an engagement party for George at the Museum of Sex. He loses interest in his fiancé the moment he lays eyes on Kristen Taekman and then grabs her boob. Kristen screams and runs away – the appropriate reaction to being frottered by George. Ramona arrives dressed appropriately in a dress that resembles a condom; it's all droopy and wrinkly yet snug and skin-colored. Not her best look. 


Sonja warned Ramona not to bring up Cody's recently deceased parents, which Ramona tuned out because Sonja rambles. Often rambles, as Ramona knows from experience, are ignorable. Immediately upon meeting Cody, Ramona sic's herself upon her and wonders if she's had her ring appraised, what she could possibly see in the disgusting George, if she's out for his money, and oh yeah – where are her parents and why are they letting her marry this perv?

Cody bursts into tears. Aviva scurries her across the party while everyone pretends to be shocked by Ramona's rudeness. Ramona is confused – her alter-ego Pinot was talking, Ramona was just smiling absently while staring at a monkey phallus. George calls Ramona a 'bitch' who gets 'f–ked' by dogs. Great party – Aviva should entertain more often her events are always a smashing success! 

LuAnn de Lesseps invites Sonja for a picnic to spend quality time together. More specifically LuAnn wants to spend time with Sonja without Ramona, because as endearing as Bravo finds Tweedle Drunk and Tweedle F–ked, no one else does! LuAnn rented bikes, which Sonja can barely ride (Sonja not able to ride something?! Well, I never… ) but they finally make it to the picnic spot where Sonja drops the bike, and the wine. Luckily catastrophe averted – wine saved! LuAnn asks Sonja why she invests more time in her friendship with Ramona than their friendship and the answer is simple: Ramona is high-maintenance and insane, whereas the sane people need less coddling. LuAnn has planned a trip to the race track and is relieved that Aviva and Ramona will both be skipping. Alas, the ladies can have fun. Or so they think… 

Back in the city, Ramona has arrived on the scene at Aviva's with her default apology setting: flowers. Her florist must love her – Ramona has to do a lot of apologizing, which to her means the Drive-by Pinot-pology: shoving flowers in someone's face, saying "Sorry! Whoops! Turtle time! Gotta go… Avery. See you soon. Love you!" and racing off to the Hamptons. Or the hairdressers. Her florist? Wherever it is Ramona hides out. 

ramona and george insult each other

This time however, George interrupts and forces Ramona into one of the ugliest confrontations ever heard on Bravo. Ramona of course didn't handle it well. She calls George out on preying on young girls, implies he's a pedophile, says if he loves Cody he wouldn't trap her in this marriage, and insists that no parents would want their 25-year-old daughter marrying a 300 year-old perv – except if they need money. George calls Ramona racists (huh? She's not – she's an equal opportunity rude person), and insults her on many sexual levels. The fight was ugly, gory, and gross. Ramona leaves in a huff. George promises to do things to her dead body which makes him a necrophiliac (A Rose For Ramona?). Ramona never wants to see Geroge again, for once I agree with Ramona on something – I never want to see George again either! 

Here's the deal, after our encounters with George I feel some sympathy for Aviva. I also totally understand where she got her Avicious nature from! Those two fight dirty, and are dirty. 

Moving on to something fun, the gals hit up Saratoga!. First they all buy hats, because well who doesn't love a hat? On the day of the races, things start with pasties (naturally) and drinks for Sonja, who is already planning to procure the hard liquor by 10 a.m. Kristen predicts this will end badly. 

winning at saratoga!

At the race track Heather Thomson and Carole Radziwill are in charge of the bets. They use all the fancy terms: boxing things and trifectas and place, win, show. They agree to bet a combined $120 on a box and go for the big. Meanwhile, Sonja, swilling one bloody mary after another, professes to be a so-called expert courtesy of growing up in Saratoga (it was her backyard! That explains a lot…) and stipulates that she only places $2 bets on every horse in the running. It turns out Ms. Morgan is, of course, not to be trusted as a reliable source of money information because while the girls win big and net $3,340, Sonja loses and has some serious sour grapes. 

While everyone celebrates, Sonja disappears to chat up some men. The girls try to contact her but she doesn't answer her phone or respond to texts. Eventually they decide to leave. Back at the rental house, they're getting ready for dinner and drinks in town when a blitzed, blotto, wasted, turtled timing Sonja rages through the front door shrieking about how her horrible friends ditched her at the races. 

Heather attempts to reason with Sonja that she wasn't ditched but it escalates, and Kristen (I dunno is she clueless? Daft? Looking for camera time? Trying to go Brandi?) decides to intervene to confront Sonja. At first, it seems, Kristen tried to reason with Sonja, but Sonja was blasted and everyone knows: don't poke the drunk!

drunk sonja feuds with kristen

It descends into a screaming match about how Sonja was ditched, and the F-bombs flew. Carole hid in her room, Lu offered up dessert, and tried to usher everyone – including Son – out the door for dinner. But Sonja instead packed her $20 Marshalls luggage and announced she was fleeing to the Hamptons where she was wanted. 

Ramonja and the Hamptons – did it ever occur to them that the Hamptons doesn't want them? In the case of who did the ditching, it seems Sonja accidentally wandered off and keeping up with the tequila won out over keeping up with her iPhone. 

[Photo Credits: BravoTV]