As the first season of The Real Housewives of Melbourne comes to a close, Janet Roach’s quote that I’ve used to title this finale is the theme of this whole year. Also for every single Housewife franchise out there.
We begin with Lydia Schiavello and Andrea Moss having coffee and I squirm watching these two in cahoots about hating on everyone. They’re not even mean girls, they’re just bored and don’t have anything else to do. Lydia gets on the horn and calls Janet to be like, “why they he’ll you going to Gina’s fundraiser??!!”. Janet, who’s had enough of this fighting, is all, “I’m over bagging Gina”. Lydia and Andrea can’t handle that answer. Nope. They continue to berate Janet into not going and then blame their phone crashing for having to end the convo. Good for Janet! She’s over it (who isn’t at this point??!!) and is going to Gina Liano’s event regardless of Lydia and Andrea’s stupid reasoning.
Fuggghhhh, Andrea is staging her own book cover shoot. For a book that will never sell. She is like a mannequin. She is expressionless and just annoying me at this point. Adding a layer of more annoyance, Lydia strolls in with flowers and champagne to say hello. What are the flowers and champagne for? To congratulate Andrea? Because she called a photographer and booked her own shoot? That she is paying everyone to make this book happen, rather than the other way around? You know, when publishers back you and pay for all this glitz instead because they believe you have a hit book idea!
Changing lanes to a way more fun atmosphere is the limo ride to Gina’s fundraiser. Janet, Jackie Gillies and few other unknown ladies are swigging back bottles of champagne en route to the event. Once they arrive, Gina greets them – it’s an intimate affair and Gina’s takes the floor to discuss her 10 year mark in remission from cancer and here we go. She’s writing a book and has a soap line coming out. Oh jeez. If I had a nickel for every housewife book… Gina, why?!! You are an accomplished attorney – you don’t need a book, or a soap, or a cocktail or hit single to add to your resume. Aren’t you busy enough with your day job?!!
The next day, Gina meets Chyka Keebaugh for lunch and Chyka sets her straight. Chyka is my fav and she just wants these ladies to get along. Chyka tells Gina to just man up (pun intended – ha!) and apologize to Andrea whether she’s actually sorry or not. Gina doesn’t want to apologize because she feels it validates Andrea’s wacko behavior.
Gina reluctantly meets Andrea for lunch to talk this out once and for all. It looks like they might actually make up as Andrea compliments Gina on her dress upon greeting her. Dead wrong – downhill from there. Gina argues the truth (and ways around it) for a living, so it’s no surprise that she talks in circles about admitting to doing any wrong. I’ll give it to Gina, she had some compelling points, but it was painfully obvious that Andrea just wanted an apology for Gina calling her a c u next Tuesday. I don’t feel Gina cared about being Andrea’s friend and had her fists up. I was disappointed to see Gina go there. She’s better than that and I actually think Andrea didn’t seem that awful during this lunch (with the exception of her Gina list). Although Andrea needs to own some stuff too – this just seems like a huge waste of both their time. Gina storms out.
Ben and Jackie are prepping the morning of their cocktail launch party. Ben has been spray painting these custom masquerade masks as party favors since the night prior (this should have been outsourced! Oriental trading makes a mean Mardi Gras mask, Ben :)). Jackie is stressing over her outfit for the night and shows Ben the necklace she is going to wear – dropping the, “it costs $40k” bomb. Ben rips into her that talking about the cost of things is tacky and lame (remember RHOBH Dana’s $25k sunglasses??!!). Jackie blames the ladies for her materialistic attitude that has emerged. At the party, the ladies enjoy the cocktail line and the venue looks amazing. It looks like Ben and Jackie pulled it off! Ben and Jackie toast to each other and they are really adorable.
The entire gang grabs a booth in the back and decide to hash it out once and for all! This is the best scenario because they are all just calling each other out left and right. It rather cathartic for all involved. Janet is exposed for Being a two-faced gossiped. Everyone decides Lydia is an idiot and Lydia declares she richer than Gina (what the?!!). Andrea is begging for an apology from Gina. Finally – Apologies are had all over the place (with the exception of awful Andrea) and it looks like they might have actually MOVED ON. Thank goodness!! Andrea and Lydia still suck in my book.
Here’s to hoping season 2 gets aired!
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Recap Author: Bonnie K.
Photo Credit: Bravo TV