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On last night’s My Five Wives, Brady Williams supports his brother’s new business venture, Nonie’s morning sickness rages on, the family plans an awkward film festival, and the entire group goes on a line-dancing Mega Date.

We begin with a Family Meeting. Rosemary’s daughter Taylor is coming home from her service trip to Peru. Robyn suggests a family film festival to celebrate, for which they will make body pillows (what!?). Then we get a sneak peek at the Brady Body Pillow Robyn made each of the wives a while back. She gave these pillows to each of her sister wives so they’d have “someone” to sleep with on their nights without Brady. Annnnnd we’ve entered a whole new level of creepy, folks.

Nonie’s morning sickness is out of control, so Rosemary comes over to give her some fresh ginger and moral support. Meanwhile, Rhonda is potty training her youngest son Nicholas and things aren’t going well. Yawn.

Brady and his brother Jared discuss business at the office while they look at huge Crocodile Dundee hunting knives. Jared wants to start some sort of craft business with these knives & wants Brady to run the business side of things for him. Jared is, as they say, hitching his cart to the wrong pony given the impending bankruptcy that we all know Brady will be filing soon.

Nonie feels completely overwhelmed in her “work” duties, which look like her laying her head beside a computer while she contemplates puking and Brady’s finances, not necessarily in that order. Brady asks her if she’d be willing to help Jared with his new business too since she’s just so damn good at those books. She sort of stares at him like she wants to punch him in the throat, then says, “ok, I guess.”

Back to the Brady Body Pillow. Yes, please. The wives decide to make a movie about these pillows in which Brady will get jealous over being replaced by the Brady Body Pillow. The wives will also be played by body pillows in the movie. This movie should be directed by David Lynch because only he could do justice to a concept this weird and disturbing. The truth is that Brady should actually be replaced by 5 Brady Body Pillows in real life, so maybe this movie project will lead to something good after all.

Nonie tells the ladies that Brady’s asked her to run Jared’s new crafty-craft business and the wives are not excited about that prospect. They all feel resentful about Brady taking on more responsibilities and are not willing or able to help Nonie run the books. Paulie offers up her own pregnant daughter Karlie as a substitute for Nonie when she’s feeling sick or overwhelmed…which is ALL of the time. The wives complain that Brady takes on too much and they already feel as if they have no time with him. Hey! I’ve got an idea: how about don’t marry a man who’s also married to a basketball team of other wives? See how that works for ya.

Somewhere else on the compound, Rhonda’s son Lake is leading a group of kids in a science fiction/western movie project that takes place in Mexico and involves mustaches & swing sets. So, it makes 100% more sense than the body pillow movie being made just one row home over.

The wives confront Brady about him taking over more responsibilities with Jared’s business and he gets defensive and annoyed. He shuts them all down in one fell swoop while they all stand there drying 4 thousand dinner dishes. He reiterates that the new business isn’t that big of a deal. The wives retreat. Bad Brady! Go to your Man Shed.

Nonie continues to be sick and Brady tries to comfort her with more empty words and absolutely no action. Nonie feels like the business they have is falling apart (#foreshadowing) and Brady just continues to deny, deny, deny. Nonie’s daughter pipes up to offer some name ideas for the new baby. If it’s a girl: Sadie. If it’s a boy: Satan. Everyone gets a hearty chuckle out of this moment, which is straight out of a horror movie in my book. Cue the soundtrack to The Ring.

In a less bone-chilling moment, Karlie comes over to help Nonie with the books. They discuss their morning sickness and trade secret remedies. Awww, their future kids – both aunt/uncle and niece/nephew – will be besties. And maybe one will also be the other’s godparent, just for kicks and giggles. Because things aren’t f’d up enough quite yet.

Just when we thought the dreaded Double Date situation was over…it’s back to haunt us. The wives decide not to draw names because they ALL want to go on the next date activity together: line dancing. This Double Date has now degenerated into a Group Hangout. The women admit that Brady’s probably not even looking forward to it, but they don’t give a rip. Later, the wives all wear cowgirl hats to propose their Group Hangout plan to him, which has now been renamed the Mega Date. His reaction is underwhelming. He hates country music and says “it makes my butt itch.” TMI. After forcing Robyn – who has a massive fear of heights – to go zip lining on their last date, I support the wives torturing Brady in every way possible on the Mega Date.

At a dance studio nearby, line dance instructors named Alfonso and Lindsey try to teach the group how to shake it like their momma taught ‘em. Brady looks like a grumpy baby with a loaded diaper the entire time, but the wives claim they all had a good date despite his grouchiness. Lindsey tells the group that they are the “best polygamous group we’ve ever taught!’ Welcome to Utah?!

We end with the dreaded family film festival. The sci-fi-western that the kids put together looks silly and cute, while the 5 wives’ Body Pillow movie reads more like passive aggressive cry for help. All of the wives are filmed kissing and talking to their Brady Body Pillow while Brady walks on camera, getting ignored at every turn. The wives cackle wildly in the audience as they watch their film unfold while the kids silently question their parents’ sanity…not for the first time, I imagine.

 TELL US – WHICH MOVIE GETS YOUR VOTE? DOES BRADY SPEND TOO MUCH TIME AWAY?

 Photo Credit: TLC

 

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