I thank God that tonight is the season finale of Kourtney & Khloe Take the Hamptons because I’m bored out of my mind watching this summer wind down.  Khloe Kardashian and Scott Disick are discussing the new acting gig they were offered for a show shooting in the Hamptons.  It’s for Royal Pains and Scott is stoked, however he humbly admits he has no clue how to act.  I for one think he would make a decent actor.  I don’t know why – but I think he can pull it off.  Khloe, on the other hand, meh.

Kimmy has arrived! Yay!!! Apparently, she never spends this much time away from her sisters and decided to help pack up the house (Who-hoo! The end is near for this season!) and head back home to LaLa Land.  First stop, hitting up a winery with Jonathan Cheban (ugh, I could do without him for the rest of the Kardashian existence IMO), Khloe, Kimmy and Malika (Khloe’s BFF).  Kimmy doesn’t normally drink (kinda sucks to be her, I bet she’s a BLAST to hang out with). I for one, loves me some wine. all wine. any wine. Hell, I’m seven months pregnant and would drink mouthwash at this point for a buzz if I could….Anywho, Khloe’s had a bummer of a summer and this day of vino and girl time should do the trick.  

Hold up! Jonathan makes a snarky comment about Malika being overdressed and now Malika hates on Jonathan which is utterly delightful to watch. Jonathan, your bestie is perhaps the most overdressed person on the planet and you have the nerve to make remarks about other people. Puhlease. Jonathan is just such a dbag and I’m so happy that Malika (drunk or not) has said this aloud.  Malika is my new fave.  As the scene moves on, Malika is hammered.  She is weirdly starting to compliment Khloe in a creepy way.  Khloe brings her home to the Dash doll house, where I’m hoping those ridiculous dash dolls are there to provide hilarious monologues, but no such luck.  As Khloe puts her drunk ass to bed, Malika grabs Khloe and starts making out with her.  AWKWARD. 
Khloe bolts it out of there and the next morning she is rehashing the night with Kimmy.  She spills the beans about Malika making a move on her and Kimmy is all, “that is incest and gross”.  Why is Kim just soooooooo dumb? I’m not even trying to hope intelligent words come out of her mouth at this point anymore. It’s just insufferable to listen to her talk.  Later, Khloe heads to the Royal Pains TV show set and preps for her big cameo with Scott.  I’m rooting for Scott!
Across town, Kourt and Kimmy are driving and discussing Scott’s progress and his career aspirations.  Kourt is hoping he drops the club appearances stream of income and Kim says the most contradicting statement of the season – $hit, of her life, (practically verbatim) “We’re all getting older and appearances just aren’t what we do.” I spit out my water across the room and my laptop just fell on the damn floor.  What??? Did I hear that right?? That is ALL YOU KARDASHIANS DO.  You Appear.  You appear everywhere,  You’re all over Sears or Kohls or Kmart or wherever your crap is sold.  You’re on magazine covers every GD month.  You’re on E! wasting valuable Talk Soup rerun slots with your incredibly terrible show about NOTHING.  Your mom was on Oprah last week talking about her Christmas party planning so now you have ruined Oprah for me. Oprah, people!  Ugh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Back to the Royal Pains TV show set, Khloe and Scott seem very chill and normal and the scene they shoot seems to go very well. I hope Scott entertains the acting possibility for future jobs.  Kimmy and Kourt make a brief stop to the Dash pop-up boutique and horray, Durrani and Caroline are there but their interaction is essentially a bust. Some really dumb convo about Chanel metal grocery carts and hula-hoop purses.  Booo, this was my last chance at dash doll dialogue. 
Post Dash boutique visit, Kimmy, Scott, Khloe and Jonathan grab lunch in town.  Kim forces Khloe to call Malika and confront her about the supes awkward impromptu make-out attempt the night prior.  Thank goodness the calls drops due to bad reception because Khloe is not prepared to have that conversation.  They continue their drinking and head back home.  The crew of four finish off the night with drinks on the porch until the wee hours of the morning. Ironically, Scott (sober) puts Khloe to bed all sauced-up and the next morning Kourt is pissed.  Kourt makes her way to the kitchen and find open bottles of champagne and wine in the kitchen and bitches out Khloe for not being more considerate of her situation keeping Scott sober.  Khloe fires back that she has been taking care of Scott’s drunk a$$ for years.  Kourt does have a point, but so does Khloe.  Too bad Kourt can’t appreciate all the Khloe has done, it was a mistake and move on.  Khloe is so angry she up and leaves the Hamptons for good. 
Kourt marches upstairs to vent to Scott and Kimmy follows.  Scott is very understanding of the situation that Khloe has had a rough go this summer and needed to let loose a bit.  Kimmy then surprises me and has some really appropriate words of (…wait for it) WISDOM.  She actually explains to Kourt how hard it’s been for Khloe to be in the Hamptons all summer around Kourt’s family dynamic all while dealing with her pending divorce.  Kimmy apologies for the booze and Kourt looks like she just got served! She way overreacted and now must feel like a piece of poop.  Kourt needs to apologize to Khloe ASAP.
Khloe beelines it for Malika’s house in the midst of the craziness.  They chit-chat it out and Khloe is kinda embarrassed she made such a big deal about the girl-on-girl action.  Afterwards, Kourt calls Khloe and pleads for her to come home before Kimmy leaves.  Khloe obliges and makes her way back to the house for a sit-down with Kourt.  The three sisters sit around the family room and realize they have spent waaayyy too much time together this summer which has prompted mini-breakdowns on all their parts.  
On their last night, the family makes these cute little paper boats with their most memorable summer moments inscribed on it and watch them set sail on the water to bid goodbye to the Hamptons.  And now I’m just realizing this is the finale.  In the words of Melissa Gorga, “Praise Jesus!”.
I have to note that the preview for the next season of KUWTK doesn’t look that bad.  Still scripted and lame, but not terrible.  Yet.

Recap Author: Bonnie K.


Photo Credit: E!


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