sonja morgan

Sonja Morgan’s Bravo Blog has been brought to us this week by the Letter “D” for: Defensive, Delusional, and Ditzy. A killer combo designed to win friends and influence facialists! Let’s take a closer look…if we dare.

Lady Morgan opens with her reaction to the ladies’ commentary on her many “business” ventures whilst brunching at Bethenny Frankel’s Hamptons home last episode. “Welcome back to the bitches who brunch!” says Sonja, “I’m disappointed to see that the girls are being vile and continuing to attack me and claim that I do not have legitimate business deals going on. Especially to Bethenny,who has not seen us frequently since she had little Bryn. Gawd forbid Bethenny believes this horse sh–. Luann [de Lesseps], Kristen [Taekman]Heather [Thomson], and Carole [Radiziwill] all claimed that I am not really a businesswoman, that all of my ideas are not coming to fruition, that I don’t work every day, and that I didn’t make the toaster oven.” She adds, “That should get a few laughs from those who know.” Huh? Sonja goes further down the rabbit hole of her argument, saying the girls should’t talk badly about her even if she IS deLUUUUUUSional! “But even if I was not successful and were delusional, as the girls say in Bethanny’s (sic) kitchen, what kind of friends badmouth another friend like that?”


Also defending herself against accusations that she was “too drunk” at Luann’s housewarming party (again, huh? Did I miss these accusations? Or are they of the variety that can be heard only in Sonja’s head?), Sonja states, “I am running my businesses and raising my daughter, and I can’t afford to have that kind of toxicity in my life, especially with investors involved.” Investors, people!! InVESTors! She warns those who don’t believe in her fairytales business acumen, that one day we will all see the light of day: “I hope that with the release of my fashion and jewelry line that the girls will change their tune and accept that I am and have always been an independent businesswoman. Sometimes I think they just want to keep me where I was. That was comfortable for them.” Adding one more dig (and one more excuse!) Sonja comments, “You don’t see me running around looking for a new husband to take care of me. I married my ex-husband because I loved him. BTW, the gardener gave me his number to meet him out after, but I was a good girl and went home.” 

Calling out Heather as the new “meddler” of the group, Sonja says, “This should prove to be interesting. While I am very grateful that she was willing to help me with my toaster oven shoot and the box mockup, I would appreciate it if she stopped getting involved in my business affairs.” Do you remember that sh*tshow? Heather should be given a lifetime supply of Anti-Sonja’s-Delusional-Ideas-Spray to clear the air of the thick film of mental-hospital level crazy she had to wade through in that toaster oven marketing nightmare. But Sonja doesn’t remember Heather’s sacrifices on the altar of crazy – NO! She instead calls Heather out for wrongly trying to get Bethenny to make up with Ramona, and oh lord, just a whole litany of other complaints: “This reminded me of when Heather tried to get in between Luann and Ramona during Season 4. She also got in between Carole’s argument with Aviva. In the preview we see that Heather can’t stop herself from getting into the other girl’s business, and then she tries to tell Bethenny to apologize to Kristen! We have yet to see Heather fight one of my fights! I hope that Heather gets the hint and lays off telling the rest of us what to do.”

In a surprisingly sane moment, Sonja does comment on the ridiculousness of #BrunchGate: “I don’t understand why we all couldn’t have just had brunch together. I think if everyone was just a little more relaxed, we would all have a better time, and we wouldn’t fight about these silly things. Life is too short to worry about who’s HOSTING the brunch! As long as we are getting Bloody Marys, everyone should be happy!” She also expresses her best wishes for Ramona, but then throws a little shade her way saying, “I still find it strange that Ramona got upset with me saying she was divorcing when she says she is single over and over. Could she be pretending to be happy single? Trying to prove something? I still remember that psychic telling her Mario was cheating. It was so upsetting, I started crying for Ramona.” 

As the HCIC (Head Cougar in Charge) of ladies night at Beautique, Sonja is all unicorns and rainbows and future-walks-of-shame-be-dammed about meeting up with the pre-pubescent German “model!” Sonja divulges, ” I am so glad that I met Dominik, and I had a lot of fun with him, but I am definitely not looking to be in a relationship with a younger man right now. I had a young boyfriend last year! At this time in my life, I am looking for a man who is more established and can be a long-term partner–and closer to my age.”  But she does add, “But one fun night with a younger man never hurt anyone. Tune in to see if this is a one-nighter or not!”

Sonja ends her blog with a litany of mixed metaphors that make so little sense, I can only wonder if her audio-recording was shorting out when her intern was typing this blog up. “The women are saying a lot of nasty things about me, but no one is trying to say that Sonja Morgan doesn’t know how to have a good time! No matter what happens, I am always the straw the stirs the drink,” she says, “Lu and Heather drag me around like an old suitcase, so you know they are not worried about me at all. They are just too darn encouraging for that to be true. I guess I need to give my girlfriends more attention once I am over the hurdle of my lawsuit, so they feel secure in our friendship. We have seen Luann duke it out with Ramona over my time spent between them. Now we see Ramona freaking on Bethenny over her time with me. I guess I’ll just be the fire hydrant!” So, the straw, the suitcase, and the fire hydrant. All fitting titles for a woman who still refers to P. Diddy as her dusty old claim to fame. 


Photo Credit: Debra L Rothenberg/Getty Images

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