Last night’s Real Housewives Of New York had it all: turtle time, flying trapezes, sexually harassing birds, meltdowns at premiere galas, breakups, brawls in the spa, makeups at the spa, ghosts of Sonja Morgan‘s past, and wrap dresses. You know, just an ordinary episode! (Seriously how is this one of the lower rated Housewives franchises?!)
Sonja is just strolling down the street with her coffee and her trendy patterned tights when a limousine window rolls down and a voice calls out from the dark, “Hey hooker…” Sonja doesn’t even flinch, she just keeps doing her Mary Tyler Moore strut with a distracted smile until the voice gets more persistent. But it’s just Bethenny Frankel! Sonja laughs because she assumed it was one if the regular people who call her a hooker during her morning coffee run! Where is Sonja getting her coffee from?
Bethenny has a lifetime of experience, after all, so she ushers Sonja out of the room, grabs her face, and performs an exorcism. I also think Bethenny must have hypnotized Sonja with one the 32 diamond rings she’s wearing, because from that moment forward Sonja became obsessed with The B. Back at the table, Sonja is ready to resume partying. Everything’s fine!
The room assignment passed around like a hot potato. Ultimately, newcomer Barbara Kavovitwas left holding it. The second scariest part was Sonja Morgan’s drunken meltdown at dinner, which was provoked by Dorinda manhandling some Morgan artifacts during their visit to Ventfort Hall.
And then, Dorinda brought Sonja Morgan to see a historic Morgan house in the area, which elicited a strong reaction from Sonja. Sonja did not approve of how the historic Morgan papers there were treated. Peasants people are able to touch the actual letters. Once again, poor Dorinda tried to do something nice in the Berkshires, and everything went up in flames. Later that night, a drunken Sonja hit on bestie Bethenny, and had a sobbing meltdown about the Morgan papers. In fact, Sonja screamed, “You don’t touch the f***ing Morgan letters!”
No one wanted to sleep in the fish room at Dorinda’s Berkshires house- literally because of the decor. It isn’t in an undesirable location of the house. It has central air conditioning and heating. Oh, and it’s a room in a mansion. Who really cares about what’s on the wall? Apparently everyone. Luann de Lesseps, Ramona Singer, Sonja Morgan, Tinsley Mortimer, and Barbara Kavovitdidn’t want to sleep there. During last week’s episode, Luann stormed out of dinner just because she didn’t want to sleep in that room.
Bethenny Frankeleven called ahead to make sure that she got to sleep in the “second best room” in the Berkshires mansion. During the next episode, Bethenny insisted that she would have no problem switching rooms with Luann if she texted her to ask about it. That’s easy to say about a hypothetical scenario. Does anyone believe that Queen B would really give up the (supposedly) superior room?
Sonja still regrets the end of her dynastic marriage. So after they return to the lesser manor, she starts drinking like she’s making up for Luann de Lesseps. Drunk Sonja greets newcomer and latecomer Barbara Kavovit outside where in addition to insulting Dorinda’s apartment, Barbara hates on the fish room before setting foot inside. It’s not a great look on a houseguest. Or a new cast member.
Dorinda Medley thought she was making it nice by decorating her house like cheesy haunted house, but the Fish Room is no halloween theme! Those are $15,000 taxidermied sword fish (why? how? so confusing?) and it’s a privilege to pass out drunk before their glassy-eyed stare! Also they are there all. year. round. Come Easter they wear bunny ears, come Christmas twinkly lights, come St. Patty’s day a leprechaun hat, but come Halloween they get to just be their creepy selves. Kinda like the Real Housewiveswhen they enter the Berkshires – all their most idiosyncratic tendencies and behaviors come out in full force and they are their most selves.
Take Luann for instance, throwing a haughty fit after learning she was placed in the Fish Room instead of ‘Hannah’s room’ at the front of the house.
Luann also wanted a massage, which Dorinda says she’ll handle. All of Dorinda’s hospitality is for naught, however, when Luann learns she’s sleeping in the fish room, where she’d last awoken with an epic hangover. Watching Luann’s reaction makes Sonja Morgan and Ramona Singer cackle like hyenas.